Comment from Alexander Vasa

Excellent

Hello Zanya, you have a very engaging writing style and a good story going here. Your technical skills are also enviably good. Grammar, punctuation, spelling etc. I also appreciate your formatting because you wouldn't believe how many people just don't use paragraph breaks and lay their work out properly, not just for their readers for ease of reading, but for editors who will read their work if they seek representation for it.

I haven't read enough to comment on your plot arc, or character development etc, but what I did read held my attention and it will be interesting to see where you take this from here.

Thanks for sharing your writing and it is a work I would recommend to others for review, cheers, Ana.

 Comment Written 01-Oct-2018

Comment from Janilou

Excellent

An interesting chapter. It is well advanced in the book so I won't even try to comment on characters or plot, but it was an interesting read.


"Why no Sir," Fredrick continued, " was before I came to work at Briarly .

I think you might need a comma after no. There is also an extra space before the word 'was' and after the word Briarly.

Corrected it would read:


"Why no, Sir," Fredrick continued, "was before I came to work at Briarly. Ellen keeps our little cottage tidy.

I hope to contact my son and heir, LordAirdale.

Space needed between Lord and Airdale

I hope to contact my son and heir, Lord Airdale.

" We was good parents to our son Jacob. Every boy needs a father, a lad needs a father."

Remove space between quotation mark and opening word We:

"We was good parents to our son Jacob. Every boy needs a father, a lad needs a father."

All the best and hope this helps!

Jan

 Comment Written 30-Sep-2018