Briarly Hall
Viewing comments for Chapter 24 "Sir Alfred's departure "Historical fiction
4 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Zanya, this is a great continuation to your story, and very well written. So Giovanni is going to Rome. No wonder he can't wait. And how sweet about the wedding.
Does history repeat, he wondered. = Does history repeat itself, he wondered
Though he had heard that the neighbouring Dowager Giovanni[ ]came[ ] running[ ] towards[ ] the[ ] door,[ ] shouting,[ ] "Grandpa[ ]Alfred,arrivederci......arrivederci...you must tell me stories of the Colosseum on your return." = Take away all the extra spaces I've indicated, and arriverderci......arrividerci... should be written: arriverderci ... arrivederci ... you must tell me stories of Collosseum on your return.
I'm looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))
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Hi Zanya, this is a great continuation to your story, and very well written. So Giovanni is going to Rome. No wonder he can't wait. And how sweet about the wedding.
Does history repeat, he wondered. = Does history repeat itself, he wondered
Though he had heard that the neighbouring Dowager Giovanni[ ]came[ ] running[ ] towards[ ] the[ ] door,[ ] shouting,[ ] "Grandpa[ ]Alfred,arrivederci......arrivederci...you must tell me stories of the Colosseum on your return." = Take away all the extra spaces I've indicated, and arriverderci......arrividerci... should be written: arriverderci ... arrivederci ... you must tell me stories of Collosseum on your return.
I'm looking forward to reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
Comment from Rob Emery
Flawless! great chapter. I have no advice for improvement for this needs none. Keep up the good work. This is my first review for your work. It would be interesting to read the previous chapters to see where the story came from and where it is going.
Rob Emery
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Flawless! great chapter. I have no advice for improvement for this needs none. Keep up the good work. This is my first review for your work. It would be interesting to read the previous chapters to see where the story came from and where it is going.
Rob Emery
Comment Written 19-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Thanks for those encouraging words zanya
Comment from Ann Marie Anglin
What a wonderful story, with engaging an likable characters, excellent dialog. Your descriptive imagery is also wonderful, with phrases like, "frost still on the wheel spokes" of the tutor's bicycle, to put us in mind of a cold November! Great job; I look forward to more!
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What a wonderful story, with engaging an likable characters, excellent dialog. Your descriptive imagery is also wonderful, with phrases like, "frost still on the wheel spokes" of the tutor's bicycle, to put us in mind of a cold November! Great job; I look forward to more!
Comment Written 19-Aug-2018
Comment from heart of Lou
You have written an interesting story with lots of potential, although in my opinion, it could use a bit of tightening up. I had to smile at Eames's idea of a wedding meal, and it was so nice of Sir Alfred to offer him cake at Briarly Hall.
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You have written an interesting story with lots of potential, although in my opinion, it could use a bit of tightening up. I had to smile at Eames's idea of a wedding meal, and it was so nice of Sir Alfred to offer him cake at Briarly Hall.
Comment Written 19-Aug-2018
