Worlds
Viewing comments for Chapter 146 "Gerbil World 2"Animal poetry and short stories
11 total reviews
Comment from Cass Carlton
Goodness me! What a randy little blighter your hamster is! And cross breeding with another species too! What ever next? No wonder there are so many of them. Millions in fact. The poem is brief and amusing, telling of the strange sexual habits of small rodent like creatures and their fatal attraction to cheese. the Artwork is appropriate although I doubt you would ever get an accurate depiction of what the poem conveys. The hamster is a bit of a lout, but if Geraldine Gerbil likes 'em rough she will be "Well served" cheers Cass
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Goodness me! What a randy little blighter your hamster is! And cross breeding with another species too! What ever next? No wonder there are so many of them. Millions in fact. The poem is brief and amusing, telling of the strange sexual habits of small rodent like creatures and their fatal attraction to cheese. the Artwork is appropriate although I doubt you would ever get an accurate depiction of what the poem conveys. The hamster is a bit of a lout, but if Geraldine Gerbil likes 'em rough she will be "Well served" cheers Cass
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Cass. I?m not sure these critters can cross pollinate, but they?re willing to try.
Comment from judiverse
This sexy gerbil babe certainly isn't boring? Amusing that the mouse was easily distracted by the thought of cheese in the house. First things first for that mouse. Hamster is probably right. The mouse is heading for a trap. Excellent rhyme, and an interesting contest entry. Best of luck. judi
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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This sexy gerbil babe certainly isn't boring? Amusing that the mouse was easily distracted by the thought of cheese in the house. First things first for that mouse. Hamster is probably right. The mouse is heading for a trap. Excellent rhyme, and an interesting contest entry. Best of luck. judi
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Judi.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
He he he, this is a fun and naughty write Bill! A clever story and I found your words very amusing! A cheeky poem to brighten my evening, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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He he he, this is a fun and naughty write Bill! A clever story and I found your words very amusing! A cheeky poem to brighten my evening, love Dolly x
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Dolly. Those gerbils!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
LOL! That was brilliant! I won't be able to look at my granddaughters gerbil in the same way again! LOL! This is a terrific contest entry, it was well rhymed, humorous, and a 'little' cheeky. Good luck in the contest! :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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LOL! That was brilliant! I won't be able to look at my granddaughters gerbil in the same way again! LOL! This is a terrific contest entry, it was well rhymed, humorous, and a 'little' cheeky. Good luck in the contest! :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Sandra. They seem so innocent.
Comment from phill doran
Hello Anon
This is a cracker! Well done.
Imaginative, funny, and a great rhyme and beat to the verses
I think the first line of the last verse (..."Off then, lousy mouse!"...) is perhaps missing a beat? "mousie" might scan better? Just a thought.
I wish you well in the contest -it'd be a cold day in FS hell if you won, mind.
I wish you well with your writing
cheers
phill
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Hello Anon
This is a cracker! Well done.
Imaginative, funny, and a great rhyme and beat to the verses
I think the first line of the last verse (..."Off then, lousy mouse!"...) is perhaps missing a beat? "mousie" might scan better? Just a thought.
I wish you well in the contest -it'd be a cold day in FS hell if you won, mind.
I wish you well with your writing
cheers
phill
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Phill. Yeah, I agree that mousy would be better, but I just used it in the previous line and couldn?t think of an apt replacement.
Comment from Robbie Yates
Ha! I kinda enjoyed the cheekiness of the act taking place in this poem. You used rhythm and rhyme so brilliantly, too - complementing the awesome story you told. Great stuff, five stars from me.
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Ha! I kinda enjoyed the cheekiness of the act taking place in this poem. You used rhythm and rhyme so brilliantly, too - complementing the awesome story you told. Great stuff, five stars from me.
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Robbie
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Wow, I had no idea rodents had such an interesting life. Probably because I'm hard of hearing and their voices are so tiny. You can hear them, I guess. I wonder if that's a good thing. I doubt it. :)
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Wow, I had no idea rodents had such an interesting life. Probably because I'm hard of hearing and their voices are so tiny. You can hear them, I guess. I wonder if that's a good thing. I doubt it. :)
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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I was surprised hamsters were so rowdy.
Comment from lyenochka
I didn't know that these rodents could be that rude with each other. I'm not quite sure what was going on but I guess the mouse had better things to do including getting tangled up with a trap. Good regular abcb rhymes and I liked the new word, "mice-ster."
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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I didn't know that these rodents could be that rude with each other. I'm not quite sure what was going on but I guess the mouse had better things to do including getting tangled up with a trap. Good regular abcb rhymes and I liked the new word, "mice-ster."
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, lyenochka. Please don?t let the actions of a few tarnish your view of vermin.
Comment from Gloria ....
And here I thought gerbils were boring and then they go and do something totally off the charts, crazy like this.
Excellent rhyming poem, Bill. You're going to have a few wondering what you're doing with those poor boring gerbilmicees.
Best of luck in the contest.
Gloria
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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And here I thought gerbils were boring and then they go and do something totally off the charts, crazy like this.
Excellent rhyming poem, Bill. You're going to have a few wondering what you're doing with those poor boring gerbilmicees.
Best of luck in the contest.
Gloria
Comment Written 07-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, Gloria
Comment from nomi338
Wait I have been to this dance before. The mouse gets his head caught in the trap and the horny guy behind him has his fun at the poor trapped guys expense. Don't go mousy, don't go. Of course he is gonna go and things will play out the way they always do, and the poor mouse will get screwed in the end. Perfect. It is what he deserves.
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reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Wait I have been to this dance before. The mouse gets his head caught in the trap and the horny guy behind him has his fun at the poor trapped guys expense. Don't go mousy, don't go. Of course he is gonna go and things will play out the way they always do, and the poor mouse will get screwed in the end. Perfect. It is what he deserves.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jul-2018
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Thanks, nomi, for giving this a look. Bill
