The High Tundra Drifter
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "The Drifter Grows Up"A knight battling climate change
2 total reviews
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
It is an insightful look at the drifter however I was counting how many times "the drifter" was written, other then that small piece of repetition I thought the chapter was good
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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It is an insightful look at the drifter however I was counting how many times "the drifter" was written, other then that small piece of repetition I thought the chapter was good
Comment Written 22-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Thanks will edit. Partly because people love hearing their name and he will be reading it. It is his real nickname.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
I liked this chapter about your main character. We get to learn more about him and you have given us a great deal of development within your words.
A few nits;
'San Diego State University was the least expensive university in the area+, and that is where the Drifter began his studies.'
' Missing article; THECamp was 104 miles Northeast of Fairbanks Alaska.' (Now, this is purely subjective.)
' Once hemakes a commitment commits, you can depend on him.' unnecessary wordiness
Your writing is very clear and easy to understand. My suggestions are purely for you to think about.
My big suggestion to folks is to read the piece out loud after your first draft. You will find this first read through will help you identify glaring errors. You will hear missing words, the incorrect form of words, and often you will find your own spelling errors.
My second suggestion is to consult a style guide. These guides will help you clean up your sentence structure, and address grammatical issues you may have problems with your writing. My favorite book is Elements of Style 2017. It is easy to read and broken down into chapters dealing with each issue.
I do hope you find my suggestions helpful.
~patty~
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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Hi there;
I liked this chapter about your main character. We get to learn more about him and you have given us a great deal of development within your words.
A few nits;
'San Diego State University was the least expensive university in the area+, and that is where the Drifter began his studies.'
' Missing article; THECamp was 104 miles Northeast of Fairbanks Alaska.' (Now, this is purely subjective.)
' Once he
Your writing is very clear and easy to understand. My suggestions are purely for you to think about.
My big suggestion to folks is to read the piece out loud after your first draft. You will find this first read through will help you identify glaring errors. You will hear missing words, the incorrect form of words, and often you will find your own spelling errors.
My second suggestion is to consult a style guide. These guides will help you clean up your sentence structure, and address grammatical issues you may have problems with your writing. My favorite book is Elements of Style 2017. It is easy to read and broken down into chapters dealing with each issue.
I do hope you find my suggestions helpful.
~patty~
Comment Written 22-May-2018
reply by the author on 22-May-2018
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I really appreciate the best writers on the site are reading this. And giving valuable insight.
I was at the camp so I saw what I wrote about.
Again thanks for your time and valuable insight!!
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You are welcome. We are all supposed to help one another. That is what this site is all about.
