Reviews from

The High Tundra Drifter

Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "Of Trolls and Unicorns"
A knight battling climate change

2 total reviews 
Comment from apky
Excellent
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I think I already reviewed the second chapter of this book.

I've come across the story chapters in the wrong order. Sorry. But the overall review remains the same. I liked the "drama" you vividly describe in the last chapter:


No charging foods exist in the tundra. The rate of decomposition for anything there is just too slow because the ground is frozen -- or so it seemed. What is decomposition you might ask? It is what Beethoven is doing lying in his grave. There are only two indisputable facts, water is wet and a troll's favorite food are unicorns. And to add injury to insult, the horn makes for an excellent after meal tooth pick.

 Comment Written 20-May-2018


reply by the author on 20-May-2018
    I think I got the chapters in correct order now
Comment from giraffmang
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

I think you have a misspelling in your description line. Should it be Starfire? It's very important to make sure the title and description lines are perfect as this is generally the first thing people see and if they're not quite a few may skip.

Nice opening line. lol

It may be an idea to insert some clear line between your paragraphs. It's something of a convention on the site. It makes for a cleaner write which is easier to follow. Also, a few folk tend to skip unbroken text.

You're the second write on the site recently to have a character names Starfire for a unicorn. Bizarre. lol

columns of tightly pack grass about - packed.

Tussocks were always safe for baby unicorns because trolls never go there. / If you see a trail of smashed tussocks about four feet apart, you are certain that a troll has passed that way - this would appear to be contradictory.

The title of this piece is rather misleading as the piece generally talks much more about trolls than Starfire the unicorn.

I'm not sure what the purpose of the piece is as there isn't really much of a story. Nice descriptive work and a good vein of amusement though.

Is it part of a larger piece? If so that should probably be indicated.

All the best
GMG

 Comment Written 20-May-2018


reply by the author on 20-May-2018
    Yes its part of a book. I try to make it better