Briarly Hall
Viewing comments for Chapter 14 "Briarly Bloodline"Historical fiction
2 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
However, I lied, just a little ..' Lady Lucas continued,'till I speak - spacing here, although it seems an odd juncture to put in a tag. Nothing interrupted her for her to continue from. Also, three dots is more common.
'Ma'am , a missive from the Squire - you don't need spaces on both sides of the comma here, just afterwards.
Sincerely yours
Squire - struck me as odd that he would sign it Squire.
The clip-clop of horses hooves - horses'.
'Who the devil is that?', Butler Eames muttered,,'so early in the morning'. - you don't need the first comma as the dialogue is closed off by the ?. only one comma needed after muttered and a space.
Opening the large bronze front door of Briarly, Lady Mathilde stood waiting - this means Mathilde opened the door...
began,' see to it that the carriage = spacing before the dialogue kicks in.
we have it officially,legal matters - spacing here.
I noticed that sometimes you punctuate inside the speech marks and other times not. It's probably best to put all punctuation inside them and to be consistent with it.
Betsey began,'after all it was - spacing here and the dialogue should start with a capital.
I would suggest going through this again and looking for more instances of the things I've mentioned here. It would give a better rhythm and flow to the piece.
All the best
GMG
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However, I lied, just a little ..' Lady Lucas continued,'till I speak - spacing here, although it seems an odd juncture to put in a tag. Nothing interrupted her for her to continue from. Also, three dots is more common.
'Ma'am , a missive from the Squire - you don't need spaces on both sides of the comma here, just afterwards.
Sincerely yours
Squire - struck me as odd that he would sign it Squire.
The clip-clop of horses hooves - horses'.
'Who the devil is that?', Butler Eames muttered,,'so early in the morning'. - you don't need the first comma as the dialogue is closed off by the ?. only one comma needed after muttered and a space.
Opening the large bronze front door of Briarly, Lady Mathilde stood waiting - this means Mathilde opened the door...
began,' see to it that the carriage = spacing before the dialogue kicks in.
we have it officially,legal matters - spacing here.
I noticed that sometimes you punctuate inside the speech marks and other times not. It's probably best to put all punctuation inside them and to be consistent with it.
Betsey began,'after all it was - spacing here and the dialogue should start with a capital.
I would suggest going through this again and looking for more instances of the things I've mentioned here. It would give a better rhythm and flow to the piece.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 07-May-2018
Comment from Phillip C Kuhn
It was worded well and had an OK vocabulary, it seemed believable enough, it held my interest which is important, the imagery of the period was vivid, so all and all I believe it to be a good read
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It was worded well and had an OK vocabulary, it seemed believable enough, it held my interest which is important, the imagery of the period was vivid, so all and all I believe it to be a good read
Comment Written 07-May-2018
