Pieces of Life
When your life crumbles, how do you continue?9 total reviews
Comment from MissMerri
This story is written is such a way, almost from the first paragraph, I felt as if I were watching a movie. Somehow, you made me care about the characters in the story, and smile with relief when all the problems were so neatly solved. I enjoyed sharing the experiences of this loving family ... to me this is what reading a well-written story should be like. Well done.
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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This story is written is such a way, almost from the first paragraph, I felt as if I were watching a movie. Somehow, you made me care about the characters in the story, and smile with relief when all the problems were so neatly solved. I enjoyed sharing the experiences of this loving family ... to me this is what reading a well-written story should be like. Well done.
Comment Written 05-May-2018
reply by the author on 05-May-2018
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Thank you so much, MissMerri, for taking the time to read this lengthy story. I am very pleased you like the characters and enjoyed sharing the experiences of this family. Many thanks also for the galaxy of stars.
Comment from Harry Smith
Great picture, great title. The title drew me in and the story kept me interested from the beginning until the very end. The reader really enjoyed the read.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Great picture, great title. The title drew me in and the story kept me interested from the beginning until the very end. The reader really enjoyed the read.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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You made my day, Harry,. I am delighted I could ?draw you in? and keep your interest throughout this lengthy story. Many thanks for sharing.
Comment from karenina
When I had my first child my Mom told me I had two primary parental jobs:
1) Teach him how to walk
2) Teach him how to walk away
Heady, heavy stuff for v a new mom...but he is 37 now and I see how important that advice was....
He has some handicaps....easy gor me to over parent....harder to stand backnand watch him find his way.
Much like your daughter, our adult kids find theirveorth sometimes in the strughle to grow..
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We make awesome cheerleaders!
Karenina
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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When I had my first child my Mom told me I had two primary parental jobs:
1) Teach him how to walk
2) Teach him how to walk away
Heady, heavy stuff for v a new mom...but he is 37 now and I see how important that advice was....
He has some handicaps....easy gor me to over parent....harder to stand backnand watch him find his way.
Much like your daughter, our adult kids find theirveorth sometimes in the strughle to grow..
.
We make awesome cheerleaders!
Karenina
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thank you, Karenina, for sharing your story and mine.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
You did a very nice job with this one. Good feel and tone to the writing. Uplifting piece.
wore a yellow terry- cloth bathrobe - terrycloth could be a single word here.
The gold-flecks in Meg's - you don't really need to hyphenate here.
The next few minutes she sat on the stool - insert a clear line above this one.
and well beyond her teen-age years - teenage could be a single word here.
I'd always been the over-protective father - overprotective could be a single word here.
I struggled to keep my face dead-pan - deadpan could be a single word here.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Hi there,
You did a very nice job with this one. Good feel and tone to the writing. Uplifting piece.
wore a yellow terry- cloth bathrobe - terrycloth could be a single word here.
The gold-flecks in Meg's - you don't really need to hyphenate here.
The next few minutes she sat on the stool - insert a clear line above this one.
and well beyond her teen-age years - teenage could be a single word here.
I'd always been the over-protective father - overprotective could be a single word here.
I struggled to keep my face dead-pan - deadpan could be a single word here.
Comment Written 27-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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I am delighted you enjoyed my story, GMG, and truly appreciate your taking the time to point out errors.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, this was an enjoyable story to read and it flowed very well. Your characters and the dialogue drove the narrative and I only have one suggestion for improvement, but it is generic and can be applied to all your writing:
I felt heat rushing to my cheeks and the pulse in my neck already throbbing.
When you say 'I felt' in prose, you are putting yourself in between the writing and the narrative and it weakens your prose. Just say:
Heat rushed to my cheeks and the pulse in my neck throbbed.
That is a much stronger statement than the other, in mho.
I noticed nothing else and thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Hello, this was an enjoyable story to read and it flowed very well. Your characters and the dialogue drove the narrative and I only have one suggestion for improvement, but it is generic and can be applied to all your writing:
I felt heat rushing to my cheeks and the pulse in my neck already throbbing.
When you say 'I felt' in prose, you are putting yourself in between the writing and the narrative and it weakens your prose. Just say:
Heat rushed to my cheeks and the pulse in my neck throbbed.
That is a much stronger statement than the other, in mho.
I noticed nothing else and thanks for sharing your writing, Ana.
Comment Written 26-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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Thank you, Anastasia, for your very kind praise of my story and for pointing out how to make certain statements stronger.
Comment from royowen
I loved it, I guess I'm the same sort of dad as Steph's, but my wife's not much Meg, she's a very close friend to both our daughters. This was so well written, excellent dialogue, great relational and realistic conversations, and a marvellously satisfying end to the story. Great entry in this contest, it fits the bill perfectly, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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I loved it, I guess I'm the same sort of dad as Steph's, but my wife's not much Meg, she's a very close friend to both our daughters. This was so well written, excellent dialogue, great relational and realistic conversations, and a marvellously satisfying end to the story. Great entry in this contest, it fits the bill perfectly, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 26-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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I am so pleased you enjoyed my story and found the ending satisfying. Many thanks for your kind praise.
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Most welcome,
Comment from Cass Carlton
I really do like stories with a happy ending. I wish had a SIX for this so (*) there you are. This story is written without a single rude word, violent act or evil thought. It tells the tale in a clear, plain spoken way with important information contained in dialogue. The daughter finally finds her way towards a new life and both her parents are happy for her. The way in which she finds her new path is done using a very reliable lterary device. The daughter Stephanie steps in to save the situation and proves herslf worthy of all the benefits that come from her doing so. Well done. this is a story written well enough to send to a magazine. Cheers Cass
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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I really do like stories with a happy ending. I wish had a SIX for this so (*) there you are. This story is written without a single rude word, violent act or evil thought. It tells the tale in a clear, plain spoken way with important information contained in dialogue. The daughter finally finds her way towards a new life and both her parents are happy for her. The way in which she finds her new path is done using a very reliable lterary device. The daughter Stephanie steps in to save the situation and proves herslf worthy of all the benefits that come from her doing so. Well done. this is a story written well enough to send to a magazine. Cheers Cass
Comment Written 26-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 27-Apr-2018
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I am delighted you enjoyed my story, Cass, and flattered that you think it is magazine-ready. Many thanks also for the virtual six.
Comment from robyn corum
Dear Mystery Author,
Most people just write up a fictional story and call it even. This is a story that could be ripped straight from any one of our lives. Great job making it all seem so real. *smile* Lovely!
Just a few notes, if you'll permit?
1.) A week earlier I'd answered the phone.and heard Steph cry,
--> need to delete that random period in there
2.) Meg said. "(no space) Our daughter will arrive tomorrow."
3.) staircase, then me. Her lips were a thin line(.)
4.) you've heard the expression 'Those who can't do, teach.'(")
--> need to close off those q marks
5.) both of the following have extra marks added by Evil Eddie:
and little else on my soon-to-be-written resum�©.
"SÃ?Â! I look for you at six. The back door.
Hope this helps -- much luck to you in the voting!
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Dear Mystery Author,
Most people just write up a fictional story and call it even. This is a story that could be ripped straight from any one of our lives. Great job making it all seem so real. *smile* Lovely!
Just a few notes, if you'll permit?
1.) A week earlier I'd answered the phone.and heard Steph cry,
--> need to delete that random period in there
2.) Meg said. "(no space) Our daughter will arrive tomorrow."
3.) staircase, then me. Her lips were a thin line(.)
4.) you've heard the expression 'Those who can't do, teach.'(")
--> need to close off those q marks
5.) both of the following have extra marks added by Evil Eddie:
and little else on my soon-to-be-written resum�©.
"SÃ?Â! I look for you at six. The back door.
Hope this helps -- much luck to you in the voting!
Comment Written 26-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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I truly appreciate your taking the time to read my lengthy story, Robyn, AND more time to point out my errors. I am delighted the story seems ?ripped straight from our lives.?
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the What Happened writing prompt.
Your story is clear and well told with a happy ending.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the What Happened writing prompt.
Your story is clear and well told with a happy ending.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 26-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 26-Apr-2018
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Many thanks, Sharon, for taking the time to read this lengthy story and your kind praise.
