Comment from pome lover

Excellent

well, Marv- as I have been copying the other chapters to put together before reading the whole thing, I'm at a loss, - however this is interesting, tho i don't get the ambulance driver, who doesn't act legit. also, I need to get straight on all the characters. I hope you get good reviews - also hope FS folks have been reading this from the beginning. glad you have been having fun writing.
PL

 Comment Written 19-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018

In chapter 5, Sterling is shown looking through the yellow pages for an inexpensive ambulance service, which indicates his character. The ambulance driver is the kind of person that won't report cash to the IRS.
Thanks for the well-wishes.
Just hope it all makes sense at the end.
Marvin

Comment from Janilou

Excellent

I'm a little confused but as this is chapter six or seven I imagine that is why.

I didn't understand why the ambulance driver wanted to get paid in cash?

I didn't see any errors.

I would suggest dropping the * behind the IR

I understand you are using the abbreviation for interrogation room, but it might be better to have one of the characters explain it in the dialogue or just spell it out. Having the asterisk interrupts the flow of the story

All the best
Jan

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 Comment Written 19-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018

The ambulance driver knows Herman Sterling doesn't feel obligated to pay, so why should he trust him to mail a check?
In a previous chapter, Sterling is shown looking through the yellow pages for an inexpensive ambulance service, which indicates his poor character.
I took your advice about the asterisk, etc. Thanks for the suggestion.
Thank you, Janilou for your review.
Marvin