Town Slayer
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "Facing the Truth"A vigilante seeks justice for all abused women.
11 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Nice balance in this piece. Well handled the shift between the three perspectives.
if I jump out at this high speed - If.
how's your mom? Is she turning enough tricks to supply her habit? - need closing speech marks here.
around them as he slams on his breaks - brakes.
Yeah, really and If you were paying attention - if.
Oh, and Joe, Penny, and Janet isn't our killer." - this reads a little awkwardly. I don't think isn't is right.
She's running them through AFIS now. - need closing speech marks now.
You're not taken me out that easy, pigs - taken should be taking.
Are there normally seven gears in a Corvette. We used to own a C5 and it didn't have.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Nice balance in this piece. Well handled the shift between the three perspectives.
if I jump out at this high speed - If.
how's your mom? Is she turning enough tricks to supply her habit? - need closing speech marks here.
around them as he slams on his breaks - brakes.
Yeah, really and If you were paying attention - if.
Oh, and Joe, Penny, and Janet isn't our killer." - this reads a little awkwardly. I don't think isn't is right.
She's running them through AFIS now. - need closing speech marks now.
You're not taken me out that easy, pigs - taken should be taking.
Are there normally seven gears in a Corvette. We used to own a C5 and it didn't have.
All the best
G
Comment Written 22-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your helpful review, I appreciate all your suggestions. It's how I continue to learn, grow.
I don't know if it's standard, but there is a C7 generation, some of the automatics have 8 gears. I love corvette but with that much power, I'd probably wrap it around a tree.
Thank you again for all your help and support, take care.
Comment from Rasmine
Hello, :)
I haven't been following so I may be wrong to some of the typos I thought I saw:
She loses control, the Vehicle (vehicle) veers off the road. Oh, and Joe, Penny, and Janet isn't our killer (I was confused who was being spoken to)."
Have a good day,
Nome
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Hello, :)
I haven't been following so I may be wrong to some of the typos I thought I saw:
She loses control, the Vehicle (vehicle) veers off the road. Oh, and Joe, Penny, and Janet isn't our killer (I was confused who was being spoken to)."
Have a good day,
Nome
Comment Written 22-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your kind review I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read my story.
That sentence is confusing so I changed it to Penny and Janet isn't our killer, Sergeant. I changed vehicle too.
Thank you so much for your review, hope to hear from you again, take care.
Comment from ciliverde
I think this is a great book you are writing here. I'm a big fan of crime fiction and I honestly think this would make a good TV series. I actually went back and browsed through some of your earlier chapters to catch up on the story. The killer is quite an interesting woman, I wonder if she will survive her flight over the river?
One sentence near the end of this chapter confused me: "Oh, and Joe, Penny, and Janet isn't our killer." Did you mean to just say "Janet isn't our killer"?
Great job, I look forward to reading more,
Carol
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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I think this is a great book you are writing here. I'm a big fan of crime fiction and I honestly think this would make a good TV series. I actually went back and browsed through some of your earlier chapters to catch up on the story. The killer is quite an interesting woman, I wonder if she will survive her flight over the river?
One sentence near the end of this chapter confused me: "Oh, and Joe, Penny, and Janet isn't our killer." Did you mean to just say "Janet isn't our killer"?
Great job, I look forward to reading more,
Carol
Comment Written 22-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your fantastic six-star, and for going back, reviewing previous work, It's quite an honor, and to think you found my story so intriguing.
A TV series, you just solved my big dilemma. (Something I've been trying to figure out for the past two months.) I'm taking scriptwriting classes and haven't been able to come up with an idea, that'll last more than a few episodes. With a little rearranging, this story would work. Thank you so much.
Thank you for the wonderful review, You definitely made my week, take care.
To answer your question, The cops thought Penny escaped from a mental institution and killed those people.
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, you sure left us on a cliff hanger there. I can't wait to be reading on. This is one of your better chapters. Lots of dialogue and lots of actions. I liked it a lot. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Hi there, you sure left us on a cliff hanger there. I can't wait to be reading on. This is one of your better chapters. Lots of dialogue and lots of actions. I liked it a lot. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 21-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your nice review and all your support. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Encouraging reviews like yours makes it all worthwhile.
Thank you again for all your support and kind praise. Its always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Harry Smith
The reader is following this writer and really enjoyed this chapter as I also enjoyed the orher. This chapter is full of imagery and emotions as well.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2018
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The reader is following this writer and really enjoyed this chapter as I also enjoyed the orher. This chapter is full of imagery and emotions as well.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your continuous reviews, support, and encouragement, I am so glad you're enjoying this story. Encourage reviews like yours makes it all worthwhile.
Thank you again for your continuous support, take care.
Comment from apky
This was so fast and suspenseful, I was at the edge of my seat, Misty. Brilliant. You only need to take care of the suggestions below. And I'm glad I saves a six at the beginning of the week for you!
She then remembers how the kids made fun of her and anyone she hung out with; making her friends, few and far between. ~ There's something missing in the last part of this sentence, Misty.
She has dark(I don't think it makes any sense to qualify black hair with "dark". Either the hair is dark or it's black) black hair, brown eyes.
"You're not taken me out that easy, pigs." ~ this doesn't make sense, not is it grammatical.
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2018
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This was so fast and suspenseful, I was at the edge of my seat, Misty. Brilliant. You only need to take care of the suggestions below. And I'm glad I saves a six at the beginning of the week for you!
She then remembers how the kids made fun of her and anyone she hung out with; making her friends, few and far between. ~ There's something missing in the last part of this sentence, Misty.
She has dark(I don't think it makes any sense to qualify black hair with "dark". Either the hair is dark or it's black) black hair, brown eyes.
"You're not taken me out that easy, pigs." ~ this doesn't make sense, not is it grammatical.
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for the fantastic six-star I'm very honored. I couldn't have gotten this far without you.
You're right that does seem incomplete but not sure what it needs. I added A lonely, isolated life for Janet but don't like that either. I'll give it a little more thought. Maybe rework the entire sentence.
Thank you so much for all your help, support and encouraging words, it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Oh, no! The bridge is out. Things get worse and worse for her. Is she really Hispanic or was that just a helpful lie to throw off the cops?
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2018
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Oh, no! The bridge is out. Things get worse and worse for her. Is she really Hispanic or was that just a helpful lie to throw off the cops?
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 20-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your wonderful six-star, I'm honored you feel it deserves such high marks. I'm very glad you're doing better. The killer is Latino, oh crap I can't do that, because of my cover. Thanks for pointing that out. I think lol. Seriously you did me a big favor.
Thanks again for all your help and support glad your doing better, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
It looks like to me the serial killer is a short, thin Latino woman around 5'3" owns a Corvette and is connected with Willy, the motel manager.
Makes me smile knowing that Ben has felling for Jackie, but ( wonder why you didn't say who
said ----
Yeah, don't mention it." Says the man who has sucker written all over his face.
As usual the ending is a cliff hanger
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Hello Mistydawn
It looks like to me the serial killer is a short, thin Latino woman around 5'3" owns a Corvette and is connected with Willy, the motel manager.
Makes me smile knowing that Ben has felling for Jackie, but ( wonder why you didn't say who
said ----
Yeah, don't mention it." Says the man who has sucker written all over his face.
As usual the ending is a cliff hanger
Gert
Comment Written 19-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Thank you for such a fantastic review I'm glad you continue to enjoy the story. Guess you can't read my mind, it was Ben. I'll go back and fix it.
Thank you again for such a marvelous review, your help and support is always appreciated, take care.
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Smiles Mistydawn
Thank you for your answer
Gert
Comment from Ric Myworld
As the old saying goes, "Yee who gets the last laugh, laughs best." Of course, freaky things happen, and if I were a betting man, my bet would be that she makes it out okay, and gets away. Thanks for sharing. :-)
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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As the old saying goes, "Yee who gets the last laugh, laughs best." Of course, freaky things happen, and if I were a betting man, my bet would be that she makes it out okay, and gets away. Thanks for sharing. :-)
Comment Written 19-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your kind review and all your support. You think so, do you, lol. I actually haven't decided which way to go. She's a kickass killer hate to see her go out this way. With her dead, the story would end in a few more chapters but it'd be a boring rap up. Hmm.
Thanks again for all your support, hope all is well, take care.
Hey, do you like Law and Order SVU? it's one of my favs, anyhow last night they had an old prosecutor come back, commit crimes for the greater good, helping the abused woman. I thought that's similar to one of my books, I must be on the right track. One of my dreams is to have Dick Wolf direct one of my stories.
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I don't watch a lot of television, but I have watched Law and Order a few times. Every time I have, I tell myself I need to watch more of it. Of course, I'm like a kid, and easily sidetracked into something else. Dick Wolf is a great director with a long list of credits. You just need to send him a letter saying, "I need Dick!" LOL! Sorry, might better rethink the intro... or maybe not. He definitely wouldn't be likely to forget you. "I need you Dick! And none other than Dick Wolf will do!" As for your story I just reviewed. You could always let her car get carried away with the current and disappear. That way no one really knows if she's dead or alive. That way you could start a whole new book when she comes back. LOL! If you're going to stick a dagger in, then you have to twist it a little. :-)
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An intro like that, I might get pick up for prostitution, wouldn't that be funny. It would definitely get his attention. I only watch TV a few hours a night 3/4 of them are Dick Wolf's go figure. The idea of her disappearing is good. Not sure how well a corvette will float. Wonder if youtube can tell me. It has just about everything.
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A corvette is fiberglass, but I'm sure it's still too heavy to float for long. However, I remember the story about a bootlegger driving an old Plymouth that would have weighed about 4,000 lbs going down the rapids for miles. Therefore, if the water is flowing fast enough, the Corvette would glide along for long enough to get out of sight. Oh, well, it was just a thought. LOL!
Comment from robyn corum
MD,
I realize I am coming in late to your story and haven't been following it, but I think I got the gist from what I read. It was easy to understand and I think I got the general idea. The writing (except for the notes below) was clear and easy to understand, and I was able to pick right up with the story-line with no trouble.
You'll notice that I have made several notes below. I hope you won't mind, but I did see several places that I think could use some work. Just a little attention, maybe?
1.) "Oh for Heaven's sake, stop your damn blabbering already, will you(?)"
2.) "I've been (too) choked up to say anything."
3.) He wipes (moisture) from his face.
4.) Rachel walks towards him. (")Let's see where he'll take us."
5.) "Have (your) crew search from her hideout to where the dog stops."
6.) "Sharon just told me. She found another set of prints on Timmy's bat she's running them through AFIS now.
--> slightly muddled. suggest:
-->"Sharon just told (me she) found another set of prints on Timmy's bat(. S)he's running them through AFIS now.
7.) She fishtails through another corner.
--> can't fishtail THROUGH a corner -- 'around' would be more appropriate, unless you show a lot of damage to the buildings, etc
8.) "You're not (taking) me out that easy, copper."
--> 'copper'? really?
9.) She makes a quick right, a left and then a right again as she shifts into seventh gear. She looks down to see her speedometer is close to two hundred
--> I don't think even Mario Andretti could make these turns. Let's say she's doing 150-200, shifting (HIGH) gears AND turning corners??? Girl -- let's get real. Your reader has to be able to fall into your story and totally feel everything is within the realm of possibility. If you step too far outside of that, they wake up and you lose them. Be very careful. Just a note.
--> BTW, a corvette does not have 7 gears. I think the newest one may have 6...? But older ones, I think, have less? Might need to check.
Thanks for sharing and much good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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MD,
I realize I am coming in late to your story and haven't been following it, but I think I got the gist from what I read. It was easy to understand and I think I got the general idea. The writing (except for the notes below) was clear and easy to understand, and I was able to pick right up with the story-line with no trouble.
You'll notice that I have made several notes below. I hope you won't mind, but I did see several places that I think could use some work. Just a little attention, maybe?
1.) "Oh for Heaven's sake, stop your damn blabbering already, will you(?)"
2.) "I've been (too) choked up to say anything."
3.) He wipes (moisture) from his face.
4.) Rachel walks towards him. (")Let's see where he'll take us."
5.) "Have (your) crew search from her hideout to where the dog stops."
6.) "Sharon just told me. She found another set of prints on Timmy's bat she's running them through AFIS now.
--> slightly muddled. suggest:
-->"Sharon just told (me she) found another set of prints on Timmy's bat(. S)he's running them through AFIS now.
7.) She fishtails through another corner.
--> can't fishtail THROUGH a corner -- 'around' would be more appropriate, unless you show a lot of damage to the buildings, etc
8.) "You're not (taking) me out that easy, copper."
--> 'copper'? really?
9.) She makes a quick right, a left and then a right again as she shifts into seventh gear. She looks down to see her speedometer is close to two hundred
--> I don't think even Mario Andretti could make these turns. Let's say she's doing 150-200, shifting (HIGH) gears AND turning corners??? Girl -- let's get real. Your reader has to be able to fall into your story and totally feel everything is within the realm of possibility. If you step too far outside of that, they wake up and you lose them. Be very careful. Just a note.
--> BTW, a corvette does not have 7 gears. I think the newest one may have 6...? But older ones, I think, have less? Might need to check.
Thanks for sharing and much good luck!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your helpful review, I greatly appreciate it. The Jaguar F C7 has seven gears, looked it up yesterday even did a virtual ride at 200mph, youtube has everything.
Thanks again for all your help. Oh and the curve thing, I changed it to a straight stretch more realistic, right? Take care.
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Isn't the internet amazing?? I stand corrected -- continue on, girl!
