Lost Child
A young girl becomes lost in a forest.15 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
There were so many phrases that I liked, I couldn't write them all. My two favorite phrases are :"soon as I was tall enough to see over the dishpan to rinse the plates and utensils." & " the loggers who would never see me again, " Your characters were true and consistent. You will draw the reader in with your great imagery. They will feel as if they are with the character. The ending is clever how it ties in with the game of the yellow brick road. Great follow-up. Well written. I should be a winner.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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There were so many phrases that I liked, I couldn't write them all. My two favorite phrases are :"soon as I was tall enough to see over the dishpan to rinse the plates and utensils." & " the loggers who would never see me again, " Your characters were true and consistent. You will draw the reader in with your great imagery. They will feel as if they are with the character. The ending is clever how it ties in with the game of the yellow brick road. Great follow-up. Well written. I should be a winner.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Grin. You are a winner! Great review from someone whose writing I admire. Thanks!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a lovely story, and really read like a true account. Congratulations on your well deserved win! I'm glad you were found and by the future love of your life. (I'm reviewing as if it IS a true story, because I want it to me!! lol) Well done. Loved it. :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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That was a lovely story, and really read like a true account. Congratulations on your well deserved win! I'm glad you were found and by the future love of your life. (I'm reviewing as if it IS a true story, because I want it to me!! lol) Well done. Loved it. :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 22-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Grin. Thank you, Sandra. It may have been true once upon a time!
Comment from giraffmang
Nice job with this one. It's clear concise and lovely touches of description.
They all slept side by side in a huge tent / existed side-by-side with mine. - you hyphenate here and not the other time. Best to keep presentation the same.
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Nice job with this one. It's clear concise and lovely touches of description.
They all slept side by side in a huge tent / existed side-by-side with mine. - you hyphenate here and not the other time. Best to keep presentation the same.
Comment Written 22-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Thanks for the comment. I'll check on that. I appreciate both review and stars.
Comment from meeshu
very good story. great detail in the set up of the scene. the tension really builds
as the story unfolds and the night creeps in...Congratulations, beck........meeshu
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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very good story. great detail in the set up of the scene. the tension really builds
as the story unfolds and the night creeps in...Congratulations, beck........meeshu
Comment Written 22-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Thank you very much for your comments and stars, meeshu.
Comment from Michael Steinert
I really enjoyed the story, the connection the character had with her Ma, and the rest of the loggers, its always nice to read a happy ending. Good Luck in the contest.
Thanks and have a great night!
Mike
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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I really enjoyed the story, the connection the character had with her Ma, and the rest of the loggers, its always nice to read a happy ending. Good Luck in the contest.
Thanks and have a great night!
Mike
Comment Written 21-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 22-Apr-2018
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Thank you very much, Michael. I appreciate the comments and the stars.
Comment from Artasylum
This touched my heart... I was very concerned for you being lost and cold... I was right there with you shivering. Thanks so much for the heartwarming read. thanks, diana
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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This touched my heart... I was very concerned for you being lost and cold... I was right there with you shivering. Thanks so much for the heartwarming read. thanks, diana
Comment Written 21-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for the comments and stars. I appreciate them very much!
Comment from Rasmine
Hello,
I found a few typos:
By the time I was ten (comma) I had discovered worlds that existed side-by-side with mine: (semi-colon, not a colon, or i.e.,) like Narnia and Wonderland. It was almost supper-time (suppertime) and I had no idea where the camp was or even which direction to start. I had worn only (look this up your form may be wrong) my blouse and skirt when I set out and I was getting chilled. By the time it got too dark to see the flowers (comma) my teeth were chattering so I laid (I think it is 'lay') down underneath a huge pine tree and covered myself with pine needles.
(Make sure you do your own research before blindly correcting -- reviewers, editors could be wrong.)
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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Hello,
I found a few typos:
By the time I was ten (comma) I had discovered worlds that existed side-by-side with mine: (semi-colon, not a colon, or i.e.,) like Narnia and Wonderland. It was almost supper-time (suppertime) and I had no idea where the camp was or even which direction to start. I had worn only (look this up your form may be wrong) my blouse and skirt when I set out and I was getting chilled. By the time it got too dark to see the flowers (comma) my teeth were chattering so I laid (I think it is 'lay') down underneath a huge pine tree and covered myself with pine needles.
(Make sure you do your own research before blindly correcting -- reviewers, editors could be wrong.)
Comment Written 21-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your thoughtful comments and stars. I appreciate both. I'll take another look at my story!
Comment from Harry Smith
The picture selection complimented this outstandingly well written short story that kept the reader interested from beginning until. The ending was a surprise to me.
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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The picture selection complimented this outstandingly well written short story that kept the reader interested from beginning until. The ending was a surprise to me.
Comment Written 21-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your thoughtful comments and stars. I appreciate both.
Comment from zanya
A lovely blend of adventure and childhood curiousity that has a wonderful happy ending - the tone of the prose reflects the events-- a beautiful nonchalance
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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A lovely blend of adventure and childhood curiousity that has a wonderful happy ending - the tone of the prose reflects the events-- a beautiful nonchalance
Comment Written 20-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 21-Apr-2018
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Thank you very much for your review and I appreciate so very much the high 6-star rating. I am thrilled.
Comment from Lloyd T. Okoko
The character outlay comprises the protagonist, her brother and Lucky.
The setting is a hilly rail bordered environment.
The scenario is a "who will get to the highest point" hill climbing hide and seek game that got the protagonist and her brother lost in the woods. They were, however, lucky to have found their way back home with Lucky already home to brief Grandma of their exploits.
The work constitutes a significant commentary on an adventure turned awry.
Excellent work! Keep the flag flying!
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2018
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The character outlay comprises the protagonist, her brother and Lucky.
The setting is a hilly rail bordered environment.
The scenario is a "who will get to the highest point" hill climbing hide and seek game that got the protagonist and her brother lost in the woods. They were, however, lucky to have found their way back home with Lucky already home to brief Grandma of their exploits.
The work constitutes a significant commentary on an adventure turned awry.
Excellent work! Keep the flag flying!
Comment Written 18-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 18-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your review and stars, Lloyd. Both are appreciated.
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Remain Blessed!
