The Bee
A bit of a buzz63 total reviews
Comment from G.B. Smith
Hello there Tony
Caring for one of God's creatures is superb. I liked this.This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very inspiring read. There is very good imagery.
Bear
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Hello there Tony
Caring for one of God's creatures is superb. I liked this.This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very inspiring read. There is very good imagery.
Bear
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Many thanks for your kind words, Bear. Much appreciated! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from karenina
Very nice. Love the encounter! Your attention to detail is exquisite..
Bringing the event acutely to my mind's eye.
Inspired verse with a mutually brief coal ending....
Pardon the pun....
But...SWEET!
Karenina
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Very nice. Love the encounter! Your attention to detail is exquisite..
Bringing the event acutely to my mind's eye.
Inspired verse with a mutually brief coal ending....
Pardon the pun....
But...SWEET!
Karenina
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Many thanks for your kind words, Karenina. Much appreciated! You're a HONEY!
Best wishes, Tony
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You are BEEing to kind!
Comment from Ginnygray
Tony, what a great little bee rescue! I think that I might have held my breath a little when the bee had to fly after his wings were dry. The rhyme scheme is good, abab. Interesting poem having 10 syllables per line.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Tony, what a great little bee rescue! I think that I might have held my breath a little when the bee had to fly after his wings were dry. The rhyme scheme is good, abab. Interesting poem having 10 syllables per line.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Thanks, Ginnygray, for your review of this high drama life-and-death struggle! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from F Scott Hafner
Such a story about a bee. Could write about the trials of many things struggling to survive in the outback - or so it would seem. That you take your experience and share it in a way that people comprehend it is good. Most have something to say, they just can't get it done.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Such a story about a bee. Could write about the trials of many things struggling to survive in the outback - or so it would seem. That you take your experience and share it in a way that people comprehend it is good. Most have something to say, they just can't get it done.
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Many thanks, Frank. Yes, the struggle for survival is fertile ground for writers. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from rama devi
Outstanding crafting in this fine work. Superb rhymes, imagery, theme and tone. Superb composition style, flawless meter and very fine rhymes, slant rhymes and phonetics in phrasing as well as fluid enjambment. The first line itself grabbed my attention. I've rescued a drowning bee from ym parent's pool once. She was so grateful!
These lines are so apt to my own recollection as well:
a poor bedraggled thing with sodden wings,
but how she fights for life as her strength wanes.
Optional suggestion:
For pity's sake(,) I take a length of wood
Love the assonance of I that sounds like internal slant rhymes in these lines:
and lift her from the trough, onto the side,
where, in the sun, it seems perhaps she could
revive. She washes while her wings are dried.
*
meticulous,(no ,) and with exacting care.
Love the eloquent voicing here and the shift in tone in the closing couplet...nice delivery:
She tries her wings; a sudden vibrant spread
of gossamer beats hard upon the air,
in drunken flight, as is my heart, set free
as home I trudge - to honey for my tea.
Bravo. Such an enjoyable scene and musical sonnet! Well presented too.
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Outstanding crafting in this fine work. Superb rhymes, imagery, theme and tone. Superb composition style, flawless meter and very fine rhymes, slant rhymes and phonetics in phrasing as well as fluid enjambment. The first line itself grabbed my attention. I've rescued a drowning bee from ym parent's pool once. She was so grateful!
These lines are so apt to my own recollection as well:
a poor bedraggled thing with sodden wings,
but how she fights for life as her strength wanes.
Optional suggestion:
For pity's sake(,) I take a length of wood
Love the assonance of I that sounds like internal slant rhymes in these lines:
and lift her from the trough, onto the side,
where, in the sun, it seems perhaps she could
revive. She washes while her wings are dried.
*
meticulous,(no ,) and with exacting care.
Love the eloquent voicing here and the shift in tone in the closing couplet...nice delivery:
She tries her wings; a sudden vibrant spread
of gossamer beats hard upon the air,
in drunken flight, as is my heart, set free
as home I trudge - to honey for my tea.
Bravo. Such an enjoyable scene and musical sonnet! Well presented too.
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 16-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Very many thanks for the validation of your sixth star, RD. As always, much appreciated - as are your comma suggestions. I'm delighted that you enjoyed this one. Best wishes, Tony
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I enjoy the musicality in all your poems, dear Tony. You're one of the best on FS!
Warmly, rd
Comment from CD Richards
A clever close to this heart-warming sonnet. Although, I'm not sure if you are eating a very light evening meal, or you just like a sugar alternative in your beverage. Either way, it works. They only live a few months, but look at how industrious they are. Must be a lesson there somewhere. Cheers - Craig
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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A clever close to this heart-warming sonnet. Although, I'm not sure if you are eating a very light evening meal, or you just like a sugar alternative in your beverage. Either way, it works. They only live a few months, but look at how industrious they are. Must be a lesson there somewhere. Cheers - Craig
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Thanks, Craig. Glad you enjoyed it. I generally only eat honey for breakfast, and only occasionally at that. I must have had Rupert Brooke's poem, The Old Vicarage, Grantchester' buzzing around in the back of my head! All the best, Tony
Comment from lyenochka
Such a lovely tribute to a bee. Thanks for saving this marvelous little creature. I like the detailed description of the bee's behavior and liftoff. And I like how it ends with "honey for my tea!"
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Such a lovely tribute to a bee. Thanks for saving this marvelous little creature. I like the detailed description of the bee's behavior and liftoff. And I like how it ends with "honey for my tea!"
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Thanks, Helen, for your kind words. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from Zue65
Your poem have that classic elegance of the master writers of the past. You are definitely one of the best poets we have at FanStory. Thanks a lot for sharing your art to the readers.
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Your poem have that classic elegance of the master writers of the past. You are definitely one of the best poets we have at FanStory. Thanks a lot for sharing your art to the readers.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Thanks, Nassus, for your very kind words. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from pome lover
oh well, what a good deed you did!
Good descriptions of the bee's activities. I love the detail you noticed of her drying herself--worth, I'm sure, a little grocery store honey.
To change the subject, if you don't mind, what hobby does your B&B indulge in? (Hate to end with a prep) - or rather, what is a hobby farm?
(hope I haven't asked this before and forgotten, :)
Katharine -pome lover
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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oh well, what a good deed you did!
Good descriptions of the bee's activities. I love the detail you noticed of her drying herself--worth, I'm sure, a little grocery store honey.
To change the subject, if you don't mind, what hobby does your B&B indulge in? (Hate to end with a prep) - or rather, what is a hobby farm?
(hope I haven't asked this before and forgotten, :)
Katharine -pome lover
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 19-Apr-2018
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Thanks, Katharine, for your kind words about my poem. A hobby farm is one that is too small to be economically viable and that is only run for the pleasure of the thing. Our farm paddocks are mainly on rocky hillside. The only regular source of income derives from the B&B cottage, which is a cozy, romantic place that attracts a constant flow of guests throughout the year. We keep a few cattle and offer agistment for horses but choose to live here more for the ambiance of the place than for its profitability. Best wishes, Tony
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Tony -
than you for taking the time to enlighten me.
It sounds like a wonderful place!
Katharine
Comment from duchessofdrumborg
"The Bee", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing
your next post. To me, this is definitely a six.
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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"The Bee", is an extremely well-written and delightfully descriptive piece. This talented poet's work was a pleasure to both read and review. I look forward to seeing
your next post. To me, this is definitely a six.
Comment Written 15-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 15-Apr-2018
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Thanks, Duchess. I thought it was worth a short poem! I appreciate your kind comments and the sixth star. Best wishes Tony.
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You're welcome Tony.
It was certainly worth a short poem.
Best wishes, take care and God bless you,
the Duchess
