This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 41 "Rosie is Angry"Veronica is sent back again
29 total reviews
Comment from dweigt
Great! I haven't been on the site much lately, but was pleased to see you won a prize with this. I've enjoyed your past work, and the recognition is well deserved. I read this quickly but saw nothing that needed change.
Excellent, as always!
Keep writing!
reply by the author on 14-May-2018
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Great! I haven't been on the site much lately, but was pleased to see you won a prize with this. I've enjoyed your past work, and the recognition is well deserved. I read this quickly but saw nothing that needed change.
Excellent, as always!
Keep writing!
Comment Written 14-May-2018
reply by the author on 14-May-2018
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How very nice of you, Dweight! Thank you so much. I will be posting the last part of the book tomorrow, it's going to be interesting to read what my readers will think, :)) Thank you so much for the 6 stars, I've got a big smile on my face!! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from Contests
reply by the author on 14-May-2018
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 A seven star rating from the Contest Committee for the recognition this post has received from the FanStory community. While this was not a Contest Committee decision, the committee recognizes this achievement with a seven star review. |
Comment Written 14-May-2018
reply by the author on 14-May-2018
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Thank you so much, I'm delighted!! :) xxx
Comment from write hand blue
Hi Sandra, I'm a little late with this part. I think that this one has been well executed (as indeed they all are) and brings the story to a pivotal stage. You have got the word play just right and I can imagine the care taken in the creating stage.
I just love the way Rosie faced up to Sir John.
One tiny thing, last sentence... > I was laughing, too-until. < You left no gaps. Now I was TOLD by one reviewer that this was the correct way. Recently I happened to come across the definition in the Oxford dictionary and it stated that gaps or not were both acceptable. BUT gaps were easier on the eye and looked better... > too - until, too-until.< I also think easier to read. What do you think?
Mel xxx
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2018
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Hi Sandra, I'm a little late with this part. I think that this one has been well executed (as indeed they all are) and brings the story to a pivotal stage. You have got the word play just right and I can imagine the care taken in the creating stage.
I just love the way Rosie faced up to Sir John.
One tiny thing, last sentence... > I was laughing, too-until. < You left no gaps. Now I was TOLD by one reviewer that this was the correct way. Recently I happened to come across the definition in the Oxford dictionary and it stated that gaps or not were both acceptable. BUT gaps were easier on the eye and looked better... > too - until, too-until.< I also think easier to read. What do you think?
Mel xxx
Comment Written 17-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 17-Apr-2018
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Hi, Mel, thank you for this amazing review and all those stars! I really appreciate them both. I have to agree with you about the M Dash, it does look better, I'll look into that. I can image some die hard's here will always go with the un-spaced version, but changes occur all the time. Mostly for the better. Thank you, my friend. Sandra xxxx
Comment from giraffmang
Seems like Sir John certainly met his match. And now hopefully sense will prevail...
"End it by telling him this is my last earthly wish, and I want it granted ... that I love him, but Francis is my son. - need closing speech marks here.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018
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Seems like Sir John certainly met his match. And now hopefully sense will prevail...
"End it by telling him this is my last earthly wish, and I want it granted ... that I love him, but Francis is my son. - need closing speech marks here.
Comment Written 13-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018
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Hi Gareth, thank you again for finding my missing speech marks. I've put them in now. Yes, he has., lol. Now to see how the meeting will go. Thanks again, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from Dawn Munro
Ah, my friend - I'm just dropping in - forgive me, but I really am unable to do much more. You have such a wonderful way of making every scene come to life, though...
Some nits -
"...indicating the chair..." - omit "towards" (grammar issue)
"Rosie was still clutching..." - past tense verb, as is all before it, and the rest of the chapter, but then, suddenly, "Now three people (are)..." - present tense. It should be "were", and the remainder of that sentence should be past tense also - "...the most important of the three, (was) the only one..."
Best of luck as you continue your fascinating tale, my friend. :)
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018
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Ah, my friend - I'm just dropping in - forgive me, but I really am unable to do much more. You have such a wonderful way of making every scene come to life, though...
Some nits -
"...indicating the chair..." - omit "towards" (grammar issue)
"Rosie was still clutching..." - past tense verb, as is all before it, and the rest of the chapter, but then, suddenly, "Now three people (are)..." - present tense. It should be "were", and the remainder of that sentence should be past tense also - "...the most important of the three, (was) the only one..."
Best of luck as you continue your fascinating tale, my friend. :)
Comment Written 13-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much, my friend, I never noticed those errors. I've made the corrections now! I'm glad you did 'drop' in, lol. We all have things to do, and like you, I've had to struggle to fit it all in, and come on here. So never worry, I know you are there for me if I need to chat with you, as I am for you. Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
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Oh, me too, especially lately. You're entirely welcome. Thank heavens for reviewers who care - I had another error caught just today. XXOO
Comment from Alexander Vasa
'My adrenaline pushed me forward like an avalanche crashing down a mountain...' What a great starting line. I think this is coming along. Rosie a feisty character. All your characters are easy to imagine and different from one another, so important, and your use of colloquial language helps this aspect of your writing. I liked it. Entertaining.
The only thing I'll bring to your attention is where I stumbled:
"I think it was what your brother did to Joe that brought out the protective mother-hen in her."
I'd get rid of 'I think it was', 'protective' and 'that'. If you were speaking this to a friend, you'd say, "What your brother did to Joe brought ou the mother-hen in her."
An easy to read story, and thanks for sharing it, Ana.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018
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'My adrenaline pushed me forward like an avalanche crashing down a mountain...' What a great starting line. I think this is coming along. Rosie a feisty character. All your characters are easy to imagine and different from one another, so important, and your use of colloquial language helps this aspect of your writing. I liked it. Entertaining.
The only thing I'll bring to your attention is where I stumbled:
"I think it was what your brother did to Joe that brought out the protective mother-hen in her."
I'd get rid of 'I think it was', 'protective' and 'that'. If you were speaking this to a friend, you'd say, "What your brother did to Joe brought ou the mother-hen in her."
An easy to read story, and thanks for sharing it, Ana.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your helpful review, Ana, I really appreciate the input and will sort that out! I'm so pleased you are still enjoying my story, it's so encouraging! Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from rwilliam
Wonderful picture and great chapter!!
I have one remark. Personal so take it with a grain of salt okay. But in my opinion it seemed like Gwen's letter would have carried more weight with her brother but it seemed to get 'lost' when Rosie entered. I wonder if having Sir John remark about the fact that this is Gwen's wishes and seeing how Rosie would care for him... and maybe you're already doing this in the next part. Not sure. But I wanted to mention it.
Besides that point, I loved this chapter. I'm so excited to see what will come next.
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018
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Wonderful picture and great chapter!!
I have one remark. Personal so take it with a grain of salt okay. But in my opinion it seemed like Gwen's letter would have carried more weight with her brother but it seemed to get 'lost' when Rosie entered. I wonder if having Sir John remark about the fact that this is Gwen's wishes and seeing how Rosie would care for him... and maybe you're already doing this in the next part. Not sure. But I wanted to mention it.
Besides that point, I loved this chapter. I'm so excited to see what will come next.
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018
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You raised a good point, thank you so much, Rebecca. I'll be honest and tell you I didn't pick up on it. But I will. It won't be in this part, or the next, but will fit perfectly in the following one. You'll see why when you read where I'll put it. Thank you so very much for another brilliant review and for all those stars again. Big hugs, my friend. Sandra xxx
Comment from Pamusart
This kept my attention from start to finish. Thank you for the character summary. It helped. So, now Francis may escape to a rather normal life. I have known two albinos in my life. They have to stay out of the sun. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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This kept my attention from start to finish. Thank you for the character summary. It helped. So, now Francis may escape to a rather normal life. I have known two albinos in my life. They have to stay out of the sun. Thank you for sharing. I look forward to the next chapter
Comment Written 12-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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Thank you for this really lovely review my friend. I 'm delighted you are enjoying it. We get to see how Rosie reacts to Francis next. I've been surprised at how many people on here know albinos. I've never met one, but from the pictures, I think they are really lovely. I know the sun is not good for them. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
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Hugs back. Bigger ones. Hehe
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Impressive picture of the mansion.
-The chapter begins well with
getting S.John's attention and then
giving him the letter.
-It also shows Gwendolyn's desire
to move on and know her son will be cared for.
-I really like the dialogue between
Rosie and S. John; she is not
intimidated by him, and he
respects her for speaking her mind.
-A change in character for him
that I liked.
-When the time comes to see Francis,
you did a good job showing S. John's
deep seated fears in a very subtle way
at the end.
-Another excellent chapter, Sandra.
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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-Impressive picture of the mansion.
-The chapter begins well with
getting S.John's attention and then
giving him the letter.
-It also shows Gwendolyn's desire
to move on and know her son will be cared for.
-I really like the dialogue between
Rosie and S. John; she is not
intimidated by him, and he
respects her for speaking her mind.
-A change in character for him
that I liked.
-When the time comes to see Francis,
you did a good job showing S. John's
deep seated fears in a very subtle way
at the end.
-Another excellent chapter, Sandra.
Comment Written 11-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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Thank you so very much for your wonderful review, Pam, and the lovely 6 stars! I'm so pleased you mentioned Sir John's change in character. It was picked up that perhaps I changed him too much. I need to show the man that he was prior to the birth of Francis. I'm also really pleased you liked the way I showed how nervous he is going to see the child. Thank you, my dear friend, you've eased my mind! Loads of big hugs!! Sandra xxx
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You are very welcome and deserving of the stars and review, Sandra. I don't think you changed S. John too much. As I said, I liked seeing the man he could have been. I am glad my comments eased your mind. That means a lot, my friend.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Sandra,
Never get a woman with the chutzpah of Rosie riled up lol
it might cause you some serious pain.
I think you've given Rosie great character in this chapter.
Joe and Rosie seem well matched.
Now, of course, you couldn't just end the chapter without
introducing another fly in the ointment, but I think Meg
will be consoled and happy for Frances.
Veronica, on the other hand, needs to get James to prescribe some tranquilizers.
This is a fine chapter, well written and consistent with the theme.
Now the reality of meeting Frances, overcoming superstition,
and dealing with the real problems that may follow.
Well done, once more, my friend.
Robert
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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Hello Sandra,
Never get a woman with the chutzpah of Rosie riled up lol
it might cause you some serious pain.
I think you've given Rosie great character in this chapter.
Joe and Rosie seem well matched.
Now, of course, you couldn't just end the chapter without
introducing another fly in the ointment, but I think Meg
will be consoled and happy for Frances.
Veronica, on the other hand, needs to get James to prescribe some tranquilizers.
This is a fine chapter, well written and consistent with the theme.
Now the reality of meeting Frances, overcoming superstition,
and dealing with the real problems that may follow.
Well done, once more, my friend.
Robert
Comment Written 11-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 12-Apr-2018
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LOL, yes, you never argue with Rosie, she'll argue black is white if necessary when she believes someone is being mistreated. Meg's main concern is the safety of her charge, she loves him but knows the difficulties he'll be faced with. The meeting will be interesting. Thank you so very much for this lovely review, Robert, and all the wonderful stars! Big hugs, my friend! xxx Sandra
