Love's Despair (haibun)
Watching the embers die17 total reviews
Comment from Marisela Contona
very sad but beautiful poem about the deterioration of a love. Love lost due to the daily grind. Very accurate in its descriptions and good wording Flow, structure, and format nicely done.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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very sad but beautiful poem about the deterioration of a love. Love lost due to the daily grind. Very accurate in its descriptions and good wording Flow, structure, and format nicely done.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Thank you very much/
Comment from Tootie
Wow! This one really got to me. I can relate to this one so well. Very sad. And it's not your fault if this is about your life. Don't believe it! HUGS and blessings. Thank you for sharing. Very well-written and said. BTW - a little watering and those flowers cna perk right up. Believe it!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Wow! This one really got to me. I can relate to this one so well. Very sad. And it's not your fault if this is about your life. Don't believe it! HUGS and blessings. Thank you for sharing. Very well-written and said. BTW - a little watering and those flowers cna perk right up. Believe it!
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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You are so sweet. Thank you.
Comment from Henry King
A very poignant retrospection of a once beautiful love, fallen to ruin from a lack of nurturing. The prose has the rhythm of syncopated jazz, which very appropriate for a broken love affair. For a fifth syllable, if you want, in the third line add "for" at the beginning or "bound" at the end. Well done.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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A very poignant retrospection of a once beautiful love, fallen to ruin from a lack of nurturing. The prose has the rhythm of syncopated jazz, which very appropriate for a broken love affair. For a fifth syllable, if you want, in the third line add "for" at the beginning or "bound" at the end. Well done.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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You're very kind. Thank you.
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You are welcome.
Comment from Sasha
I honestly wish I had a 6 left to give you for this stunning, superb and awesome haibun, You are and always will be the best writer of haibuns and I mean that sincerely. You have a true gift for them and I have read many, and this one tops them all. How are you? I know your eyes have kept you away and I wish there was something I could say or do that could help, but I know that is just a dream. Terrific work with this, I enjoyed it immensely.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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I honestly wish I had a 6 left to give you for this stunning, superb and awesome haibun, You are and always will be the best writer of haibuns and I mean that sincerely. You have a true gift for them and I have read many, and this one tops them all. How are you? I know your eyes have kept you away and I wish there was something I could say or do that could help, but I know that is just a dream. Terrific work with this, I enjoyed it immensely.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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You've already done it--remembering my struggles and feeling the guts of the post. Thank you. Stay safe.
Comment from Katya
Hmmm. This would be so much more accessible to me if you had done the reader the favor of laying it out in lines on the page. I have to work, looking through it for sound consonances and the like to get any sense of it as a poem. You're the poet--you can demand that of me. But I'm the reader, and can just pass by. I would love to see your work when you get less hostile to your audience. You have a gift for imagery and expression.
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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Hmmm. This would be so much more accessible to me if you had done the reader the favor of laying it out in lines on the page. I have to work, looking through it for sound consonances and the like to get any sense of it as a poem. You're the poet--you can demand that of me. But I'm the reader, and can just pass by. I would love to see your work when you get less hostile to your audience. You have a gift for imagery and expression.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Perhaps you should acquaint yourself with all forms of poetry. I urge you to look up haibun, a form requiring both the qualities of the prose writer and the lyrical inclusion of a poet. You missed the mark in your review. There are no LINES, simply a technique. I'm sure you'll enjoy the challenge/
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So I researched Haibun, and re-read your piece. You are right, I missed the mark in my review. And your piece is really good. Thank you so much for teaching me something I wasn't aware of.
Comment from Sugarray77
You aptly described the title "Love's Despair". It is a heart wrenching saga of two people who are going through the motions. Too bad!! You did a good job with this one. Glad its fictional.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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You aptly described the title "Love's Despair". It is a heart wrenching saga of two people who are going through the motions. Too bad!! You did a good job with this one. Glad its fictional.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thanks, but there was a time when it was real life--as I knew it..
Comment from Harry Smith
The picture selection is just outstanding and the poem is very well written with lots of imagery and emotions. I really enjoyed the read. You have a slight typo. Wwste - waste.
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reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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The picture selection is just outstanding and the poem is very well written with lots of imagery and emotions. I really enjoyed the read. You have a slight typo. Wwste - waste.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thanks for the alert. Oopd. Appreciate the review.
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You are welcome
