Love's Despair (haibun)
Watching the embers die17 total reviews
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for reassuring us that this account of lost love is fictional, and for providing me with several examples of how short phrases can be even more powerful than long sentences. I admired your use of the "planets/galaxy" metaphor in describing the couple's drifting apart. Your concluding haiku, with its shift in imagery and mood, plus its use of alliteration, is quite effective and is well reinforced by the artwork you selected. Sighs- Joan
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
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Thank you for reassuring us that this account of lost love is fictional, and for providing me with several examples of how short phrases can be even more powerful than long sentences. I admired your use of the "planets/galaxy" metaphor in describing the couple's drifting apart. Your concluding haiku, with its shift in imagery and mood, plus its use of alliteration, is quite effective and is well reinforced by the artwork you selected. Sighs- Joan
Comment Written 12-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
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Thanks for the stars. Glad you looked it up. There aren't a lot of people who write these, but so much rooonm to explore and create one's own style.
Comment from Ulla
Hello, Ingrid, I loved your haibun. It's very well written and it hit home. I've just divorced, and happily so, I may ad, but a break up is always a bit bitter sweet. You reminded me of that. All the best.Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Hello, Ingrid, I loved your haibun. It's very well written and it hit home. I've just divorced, and happily so, I may ad, but a break up is always a bit bitter sweet. You reminded me of that. All the best.Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 09-Apr-2018
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Well, fortunately, this memory is grounded in a time 20 years ago. It's the perfect time for a relationship autopsy--making sure you only bring positives forward and burn the rest. Good luck in your new life. Thanks for the read.
Comment from forestport12
I've almost forgotten how lyrical your prose can be and how you can end a sentence/thought with such memorable moment. There should be no expiration date on a good writing. I know sometimes we can feel like we live life as if the chapter ended and we are out of print. You still got it. Cheers. Stan
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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I've almost forgotten how lyrical your prose can be and how you can end a sentence/thought with such memorable moment. There should be no expiration date on a good writing. I know sometimes we can feel like we live life as if the chapter ended and we are out of print. You still got it. Cheers. Stan
Comment Written 08-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Sran, you review means a great deal to me, a recognition of what we are cable of achieving. Snowbird has NEVER left my soul, and somehow I want to believe Clint Eastwood will get his hands in your book. Snowbird still lives in my soul. My eyes are failing, I'm trying to regroup. Thanks.
Comment from Linda Engel
Anyone who has ever endured such a relationship knows exactly what your character feels. Thank goodness I had one of these a very long time ago. Now the memory as all but faded and I am in a better place. It is good to read your work again. I miss your adventurous stories.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Anyone who has ever endured such a relationship knows exactly what your character feels. Thank goodness I had one of these a very long time ago. Now the memory as all but faded and I am in a better place. It is good to read your work again. I miss your adventurous stories.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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This is a flashback and perhaps the echo of my hauntings. The eyes have hailed me and I haven't come to terms with it all. I can type--but not read. Thank you.
Comment from Jumbo J
Hi Ingrid,
still the haibun Queen!
The richness in the 'S' sounds and the magic of the metaphoric technique set your prose up perfectly... so poetic, so right!
Then straight into another style prose... a more lyrically spoken reality. Crumbled stale bread laid for the carrion's clean-up. This section demanded a pause and a re-read for the purity and honesty it portrays... a hopelessness and beautifully sad in the reflection of a rear-view mirror!
And for your haiku... your three liner says it all in language of a stark conclusion... waste management indeed!
So happy I was able to sit in front of the screen today to receive one of my favorite authors creations. I love your take on this style of poetry my Queen.
As I am now only a standard member, my five stars are truly a six star-exceptional as this so richly deserves!
With our thoughts we create,
learned behaviour.
James vx's.
******Stars!!!!!! Standard members starts!
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Hi Ingrid,
still the haibun Queen!
The richness in the 'S' sounds and the magic of the metaphoric technique set your prose up perfectly... so poetic, so right!
Then straight into another style prose... a more lyrically spoken reality. Crumbled stale bread laid for the carrion's clean-up. This section demanded a pause and a re-read for the purity and honesty it portrays... a hopelessness and beautifully sad in the reflection of a rear-view mirror!
And for your haiku... your three liner says it all in language of a stark conclusion... waste management indeed!
So happy I was able to sit in front of the screen today to receive one of my favorite authors creations. I love your take on this style of poetry my Queen.
As I am now only a standard member, my five stars are truly a six star-exceptional as this so richly deserves!
With our thoughts we create,
learned behaviour.
James vx's.
******Stars!!!!!! Standard members starts!
Comment Written 08-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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You are the fift a few hundred words casts my way. I haven't written enough to be rated, and my soul screeches for words, connections, but my eyes have betrayed me...and I grive. Your review, your presence, means so much to me. Thank you.
Comment from Realist101
Excellent writing about a all too common deal. Seems no one stays together anymore and those of us who do, are miserable. LoL! It's better to be alone than in a relationship that's gone south. I enjoyed the terse style and appropriate haiku tho it reminds of old wounds. Nice work Ingrid.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Excellent writing about a all too common deal. Seems no one stays together anymore and those of us who do, are miserable. LoL! It's better to be alone than in a relationship that's gone south. I enjoyed the terse style and appropriate haiku tho it reminds of old wounds. Nice work Ingrid.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Thanks. I;m not too active here anymore. but sometimes....
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Me neither Ingrid. Just too much bs and health issues. I hope you're doing okay...
Comment from Liberty Justice
SIX STARS 6******for you, dear poet! What an amazing poem pouring out your raw emotional feelings of disappointment and anguish. Sounds like me life. Your use of metaphors and descriptive adjective tell your true feelings. WELL DONE. lol liberty justice
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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SIX STARS 6******for you, dear poet! What an amazing poem pouring out your raw emotional feelings of disappointment and anguish. Sounds like me life. Your use of metaphors and descriptive adjective tell your true feelings. WELL DONE. lol liberty justice
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Though O showed it as fiction, it represents the exact place I was living at one time. There is a future. Do believe in that. Thanks for the stars.
Comment from damommy
Beautifully worded. You've captured the feelings of many relationships when things have gone stale. They start out so wonderful, but times change and so do people.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Beautifully worded. You've captured the feelings of many relationships when things have gone stale. They start out so wonderful, but times change and so do people.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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It was a time in my distant history I rarely think about, but is was an ugly place to live..Thanks.
Comment from judiverse
This is beautiful. You are so good at haibun. Your short sentences work well in this, as they help express the mood of the narrator. They reveal her frustration at the life she's led. How typical of the man to say it's her fault. They can be good at the blame game, and women are inclined to bear the responsibility. Your closing haiku is excellent. The flower, like the narrator, has surrendered hope. Last line "waste management" is powerhouse. Good to see something from you again. Glad you are keeping your hand in. judi
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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This is beautiful. You are so good at haibun. Your short sentences work well in this, as they help express the mood of the narrator. They reveal her frustration at the life she's led. How typical of the man to say it's her fault. They can be good at the blame game, and women are inclined to bear the responsibility. Your closing haiku is excellent. The flower, like the narrator, has surrendered hope. Last line "waste management" is powerhouse. Good to see something from you again. Glad you are keeping your hand in. judi
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Haven't given up. just trying to adjust to my new reality. Thanks..
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You're welcome. Thinking of you, and glad you are still persevering. judi
Comment from G.B. Smith
Been there before and it wasn't fun
we remembered the first kiss, the time we made love under a waterfall
our first new car, our first new home our first new kids but then we started to find other things to do. New jobs, friends, and places to go out with others, and it became waste management
Bear
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Been there before and it wasn't fun
we remembered the first kiss, the time we made love under a waterfall
our first new car, our first new home our first new kids but then we started to find other things to do. New jobs, friends, and places to go out with others, and it became waste management
Bear
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Sounds like you've been there. Thanks for reading.
