Town Slayer
Viewing comments for Chapter 12 "Knight in Shinning Armor"A vigilante seeks justice for all abused women.
10 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi there, this story has a lot going for it. There's plenty of action and the imagery is great. So they can't quite figure out the prints that don't match up.Great writing. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Hi there, this story has a lot going for it. There's plenty of action and the imagery is great. So they can't quite figure out the prints that don't match up.Great writing. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 08-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. The Berryville Pd has their work cut out for them, for sure.
What do you think about a women PI series? Would people be interested?
Thanks again for such a wonderful review, and all your support, take care.
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hey, Mistydawn. This is a very well written murder/thriller/mystery. It is engaging and very entertaining.
I noticed just one small error in reading which I have noted below.
Keep up the fantastic work!
He sees tears streaming down her cheek, Ben gently brushes them away. "Don't cry, [H] honey, it'll be alright, I promise." He gently puts his arm around her shoulder and guides her towards his house. ... I don't want to come off as some kind of grammar gestapo here, as the English language is in a constant state of flux, and that's a good thing. Our language is always evolving and changing along with technological changes, changes in attitude, the influence of other cultures, street language, slang expressions, etc. That means the English language is vibrant, not stagnant, just as is our society. Language needs to keep up with changes to facilitate communication.
But it's probably a good thing to try to have some degree of consistency and standards, so we don't all sink to the lowest common denominator of texting-style, 'fast-food' language.
Use caps for proper nouns but not for generic nouns: the doctor, but Doctor Wilson; the president, but President Obama; the general, but General Eisenhower; the judge, but Judge Judy; the sergeant, but Sergeant Wilson; the prince, but Prince Charles; the police department, but the Chicago Police Department; the library, but New York Public Library, the hospital, but Toronto General Hospital.
But when you're addressing the president, it's "Mr. President," and when you're addressing anyone else with a title, you still use the capital, even if you don't use their name, as in "Yes, Sergeant, I'll do that right away." Also, "Yes, Your Majesty." And "No, Your Honor."
But sir, ma'am, my lord, my lady, milady, etc. are not capitalized.
Don't capitalize terms of endearment or pet names, like dear, honey, sweetie, son, buddy, etc.: "Yes, dear."
Again, thank you for the afternoon entertainment.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Hey, Mistydawn. This is a very well written murder/thriller/mystery. It is engaging and very entertaining.
I noticed just one small error in reading which I have noted below.
Keep up the fantastic work!
He sees tears streaming down her cheek, Ben gently brushes them away. "Don't cry, [H] honey, it'll be alright, I promise." He gently puts his arm around her shoulder and guides her towards his house. ... I don't want to come off as some kind of grammar gestapo here, as the English language is in a constant state of flux, and that's a good thing. Our language is always evolving and changing along with technological changes, changes in attitude, the influence of other cultures, street language, slang expressions, etc. That means the English language is vibrant, not stagnant, just as is our society. Language needs to keep up with changes to facilitate communication.
But it's probably a good thing to try to have some degree of consistency and standards, so we don't all sink to the lowest common denominator of texting-style, 'fast-food' language.
Use caps for proper nouns but not for generic nouns: the doctor, but Doctor Wilson; the president, but President Obama; the general, but General Eisenhower; the judge, but Judge Judy; the sergeant, but Sergeant Wilson; the prince, but Prince Charles; the police department, but the Chicago Police Department; the library, but New York Public Library, the hospital, but Toronto General Hospital.
But when you're addressing the president, it's "Mr. President," and when you're addressing anyone else with a title, you still use the capital, even if you don't use their name, as in "Yes, Sergeant, I'll do that right away." Also, "Yes, Your Majesty." And "No, Your Honor."
But sir, ma'am, my lord, my lady, milady, etc. are not capitalized.
Don't capitalize terms of endearment or pet names, like dear, honey, sweetie, son, buddy, etc.: "Yes, dear."
Again, thank you for the afternoon entertainment.
Comment Written 08-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Thank you for such an exceptional review, I am so honored, especially coming from you. Someone so well known, respected here on fanstory.
You learn the rules and then they change, wonderful. And just when I was getting the hang of it too. Me trying to be funny, haha? I shouldn't give up my day job to become a comedian, right?
Thanks again for such a remarkable review, and all your helpful suggestions, they're always greatly appreciate. It's how I grow, learn. Take care.
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That's why I'm here, Mistydawn, to improve and get better, just as you and anyone who really cares about writing is.
I appreciate your gracious response. I feel you have a sin-sational story-line going here.
Best of luck, always,
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
Great writing --
when Sergeant asked if Penny McPhee's prints were in their computer system then asked Sharon to look compare Penny's prints and compare her prints to see if Penny's prints match found on the weapons used at the murder scenes.
I like your ending; (exciting) it gives me a feeling that the killer is nearer to getting
(darn it until she takes off again
Hope the Sergeant find better clues inside the log cabin.
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Hello Mistydawn
Great writing --
when Sergeant asked if Penny McPhee's prints were in their computer system then asked Sharon to look compare Penny's prints and compare her prints to see if Penny's prints match found on the weapons used at the murder scenes.
I like your ending; (exciting) it gives me a feeling that the killer is nearer to getting
(darn it until she takes off again
Hope the Sergeant find better clues inside the log cabin.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Thank you for such an exceptional review I'm very honored that you think it deserves such high marks. I hope I can keep your interest to the end.
So you think Penny did it or is her escape just a coincidence? Will there be anything between Jackie and Ben?
Thank you again for all your support it means so much to me, take care.
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To answer your questions.
So you think Penny did it or is her escape just a coincidence? I'm still puzzled about Penny escape is Just a coincidence or was it planned.
Will there be anything between Jackie and Ben? Yes
Comment from Ric Myworld
Well, this has more twists than a pretzel. Speaking of pretzels... don't pay any attention to me, everything makes me hungry. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter, and wising up the blue suits. Great job. :-)
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Well, this has more twists than a pretzel. Speaking of pretzels... don't pay any attention to me, everything makes me hungry. Thanks for sharing another fine chapter, and wising up the blue suits. Great job. :-)
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 08-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for such an exceptional review, I'm very honored. That's how I am when I try to diet, everything reminds me of food. I usually end up gaining more weight than I lose.
Thank you again for such an exceptional review it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from apky
This is a wonderfully strong chapter, with lots of emotional intelligence, Misty.
I'm rooting for Jackie/Janet and Ben to open up to each other and flare like New Year's fireworks! You did remarkable work with pace, drove the credibility up several notches and made the dialogues sound genuine. Absolutely brilliant.
You're getting better and better, my friend.
Sharon(,) I need you to do me a favor.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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This is a wonderfully strong chapter, with lots of emotional intelligence, Misty.
I'm rooting for Jackie/Janet and Ben to open up to each other and flare like New Year's fireworks! You did remarkable work with pace, drove the credibility up several notches and made the dialogues sound genuine. Absolutely brilliant.
You're getting better and better, my friend.
Sharon(,) I need you to do me a favor.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your wonderful six-star and all your wonderful, encouraging words. It means so much coming from you. You definitely made my week.
Thank you so much for all your help and support. I couldn't have done it without you, take care.
Comment from royowen
So, it looks like Joe has tracked down our killer Penny McPhee. Having escaped from a mental institution. Meanwhile Ben, I think, has fallen for Jackie, and promises her that things are going to be OK, Joe and Co. Have caught Penny in the act of stabbing her next victim, (she really is a nutcase) but she darts off down an alley,
Typo : After she had helplessly watched her mother ble(e)d to death.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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So, it looks like Joe has tracked down our killer Penny McPhee. Having escaped from a mental institution. Meanwhile Ben, I think, has fallen for Jackie, and promises her that things are going to be OK, Joe and Co. Have caught Penny in the act of stabbing her next victim, (she really is a nutcase) but she darts off down an alley,
Typo : After she had helplessly watched her mother ble(e)d to death.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your kind review. Yeah, Joe thinks he's solved the case and the logic makes sense but has he or is her escape just a coincidence? If she did do it can they get enough proof to prove it's her? Ben oh yes, he's head over heels, Jacke isn't too far behind. Thought a little love story would spice things up. Besides poor Jackie deserves a break.
Thank you again for your nice review and all your support, take care.
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Well done,
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Thank you.
Comment from mbroyles2
This is a much better way of separating the POV.
You did a good in displaying what Ben thinks of Jackie and his disgust at her abuse.
And poor Joe just can't seem to get his head around it all.
Good work!
Michael
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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This is a much better way of separating the POV.
You did a good in displaying what Ben thinks of Jackie and his disgust at her abuse.
And poor Joe just can't seem to get his head around it all.
Good work!
Michael
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for such wonderful, encouraging words. I'm so glad you think it's better. Hopefully, I'll break the head hopping habit and continue to improve.
Thank you again for all your help, and support, take care.
Comment from Harry Smith
Very, very interesting is this book. I liked the cover and I read this which kept the reader on the edge of his seat throughout. I really like the author's writing and will be returning to read more.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Very, very interesting is this book. I liked the cover and I read this which kept the reader on the edge of his seat throughout. I really like the author's writing and will be returning to read more.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for such a wonderful review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I was concerned the cover suggests horror and not a mystery. I guess it could fit in both genres pretty easy.
Thank you again for your great review, take care.
Comment from Zue65
I think the pieces of the puzzle are finally getting to be pieced together. The ending hinted what's in store for the readers in the succeeding posts. Thanks for sharing. very well done.
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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I think the pieces of the puzzle are finally getting to be pieced together. The ending hinted what's in store for the readers in the succeeding posts. Thanks for sharing. very well done.
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much for your kind review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. The police think they have it solved, but do they? Lol.
Thank you again for your review and support, take care.
Comment from Artasylum
The evil one is back... I a little concerned about the company you keep MISTYDAWN... as usual I had to read it through my fingers. thanks again, your, diana
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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The evil one is back... I a little concerned about the company you keep MISTYDAWN... as usual I had to read it through my fingers. thanks again, your, diana
Comment Written 07-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 07-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your kind review. Believe it or not, in real life I'm a very nonviolent, fun loving person who takes in every stay she sees. Who would dream of hurting another soul. I sit at the keyboard and my wild imagination takes over.
I have to ask, what do you mean read it through your fingers?
Thank you again for such a nice review, take care.
