Comment from Dawn Munro

Excellent

comma needed after "here" -"Get here(,)and fast."

Ooooooooooooooh, what on earth was wrong with Nelson? In five minutes he wasn't able to determine the victim wasn't dead (and no one else was able to either?) Could be a plot flaw, my friend, at least from my experience at disasters...

I would make the time it took to arrive on scene much quicker, but then you'd have to change your intro to something like, "I had just settled down to the first coffee break of the morning when my mobile rang. I'd just left Nelson's side! What did he want?"

LOL - can't work for 50 words - these are more than half! But you'll think of something. :)

 Comment Written 14-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 18-Apr-2018

Hi Dawn, thanks very much. I've made the correction. Ach well, it was something that came to ,the story line, I mean. But I can see it may not work. Much too late now to do anything about it. Another learning curve. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Rasmine

Excellent

Ulla, :)

Very intriguing story. I assume Nelson is going to kill or maim him. :P Very good -- maybe it could be your next story. I want more!

Good luck in the contest.

Nome

 Comment Written 06-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018

Hi Rasmine, thank you so very much. I'm sorry for the late response. All best. Ulla:)))

Comment from l.raven

Excellent

HI Ulla, I refuse to answer phone calls I don't know...to much hate going on out there...very well written story for so few words my sweet friend...and I love the picture...well done...love you sweet girl...Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018

Hi Linda, thank you so much. I am sorry about the late response .All the best. Ulla:)xx

reply by l.raven on 15-Apr-2018

please don't be sorry...I am so far behind all the time now...sigh...and you are always soooo welcome my sweet friend...love you... xxoo

Comment from Ric Myworld

Excellent

I guess you are either the fish or the bait, and in cases like this, you might be a little of both. LOL! Of course, if you had had more than fifty words, you could have reversed the situation. "Nelson, I don't think I'll need the ambulance, and neither will you. You'll be dead." Whipping out her Israeli Uzi, bullets riddling his body as fragments of flesh and blood spray the air. Thanks for sharing. :-)

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 13-Apr-2018

Thank you so much, Ric. As always, it's a great review. All best. Ulla:))

Comment from Joy Graham

Excellent

Hi Ulla,

Ooooh a crime drama :) I enjoyed your little flash fiction story. You make me want to know more and read more of this story. I guess that is the sign of a good dribble flash fiction contest. Best wishes to you.

Joy xx

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

Hello Joy, I'm so glad you liked this wee flash. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Bill Schott

Excellent

This dribble, A Victim of Crime, opens a story up while introducing a character, setting and developing plot. Wonder where this would go?

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

Thanks so much, Bill. All the best.Ulla:))

Comment from damommy

Excellent

It seems it wasn't a homicide after all. At least not yet.

Good scene in a very short story.

Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 05-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

Hi Yvonne, thank you so much. No, it turned out the victim was still alive. I'm glad you liked it. All the best.Ulla;)))

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

The victim is still alive? A clever little write, the last line should perhaps read "(you'd) better call an ambulance", for the sake of grammar, love Dolly x

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

Thanks a lot Dolly, and I've made the correction. Thanks for pointing it out. All the best. Ulla:)))

Comment from Sharon Haiste

Excellent

I think this is a good entry for the Dribble Flash Fiction writing prompt.
You've managed a complete story in 50 words, not easy to do.
Well done and good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

hello Sharon, thank you so very much. All the best.Ulla:)))

Comment from Alexander Vasa

Excellent

Hello, it is beautiful artwork, and the writing is a good entry for the dribble contest. I noticed no errors, and it held my attention. I think you have written this very well, and best of luck.

Thanks, Ana.

 Comment Written 04-Apr-2018

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reply by the author on 05-Apr-2018

Hi Ana, thank you so very much. I'm glad you liked it. All the best. Ulla:)))