A new Beginning
A new year a new beginning6 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
This is a nice and sweet post. Quite linear but serves its purpose well. nice characterisations.
"Happy New Year" the crowd cheered - insert a comma after year.
women, even though, she was in her fifties - you don't need the second comma here.
since I saw you. Are you here alone? - need closing speech marks here.
My Name is Sandra - name.
Hey are you on Facebook we could at least be Facebook friends - this should probably have a question mark.
earth begins to start a new - anew can be a single word here.
When and where are you planning to go - question mark needed here.
"Where is this friend of yours Jim, that Deb insist I met." - and here also.
handsome man in his late forties - earlier you present the age by using numbers, it is best to stick to one form or the other.
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2018
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Hi there,
This is a nice and sweet post. Quite linear but serves its purpose well. nice characterisations.
"Happy New Year" the crowd cheered - insert a comma after year.
women, even though, she was in her fifties - you don't need the second comma here.
since I saw you. Are you here alone? - need closing speech marks here.
My Name is Sandra - name.
Hey are you on Facebook we could at least be Facebook friends - this should probably have a question mark.
earth begins to start a new - anew can be a single word here.
When and where are you planning to go - question mark needed here.
"Where is this friend of yours Jim, that Deb insist I met." - and here also.
handsome man in his late forties - earlier you present the age by using numbers, it is best to stick to one form or the other.
Comment Written 03-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 04-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your Feedback and will make the corrections.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I enjoyed your story. It's well told and interesting.
A couple of typos:
she look like she was in her thirties - looked like
the earth begins to start a new - anew
And I think it would flow more naturally if you shorted some of your two part words:
I would - I'd
I will - I'll
it is - it's
Otherwise, well done.
Sharon
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2018
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I enjoyed your story. It's well told and interesting.
A couple of typos:
she look like she was in her thirties - looked like
the earth begins to start a new - anew
And I think it would flow more naturally if you shorted some of your two part words:
I would - I'd
I will - I'll
it is - it's
Otherwise, well done.
Sharon
Comment Written 02-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2018
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Thank you and will make the changes.
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello Slarson, nice to meet you here at FanStory, and I enjoyed your fidtional romance, your characters are believable and their dialouge is realistic within the context of the novel. I only noticed a couple of things that i will bring to yoaur attention.
"Well(,) Sandy I look forward to being Facebook friends." After 'well', you always need a comma.
Also, there is a bit of a tense issue, but that is easily fixed. I have copied and pasted the section below. The first part is in the first person, but then in the next sentence, you use 'turned' instead of turns. Just a small thing that didn't affect the rating.
As she looks around at the crowd she wonders about the people and whether they are making resolutions at this time.
Just as she turned around, this very handsome man bumps into her.
Thanks for sharing your story, which is one I would recommend to other readers for review, Ana.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2018
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Hello Slarson, nice to meet you here at FanStory, and I enjoyed your fidtional romance, your characters are believable and their dialouge is realistic within the context of the novel. I only noticed a couple of things that i will bring to yoaur attention.
"Well(,) Sandy I look forward to being Facebook friends." After 'well', you always need a comma.
Also, there is a bit of a tense issue, but that is easily fixed. I have copied and pasted the section below. The first part is in the first person, but then in the next sentence, you use 'turned' instead of turns. Just a small thing that didn't affect the rating.
As she looks around at the crowd she wonders about the people and whether they are making resolutions at this time.
Just as she turned around, this very handsome man bumps into her.
Thanks for sharing your story, which is one I would recommend to other readers for review, Ana.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2018
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Thank you for your feedback and I will fix the issues.
Comment from Sugarray77
This is excellent. It caught and kept my attention throughout. I hope you plan to continue and elaborate this budding romance. You have good character development and sequence of events. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2018
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This is excellent. It caught and kept my attention throughout. I hope you plan to continue and elaborate this budding romance. You have good character development and sequence of events. Well done.
Comment Written 02-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 03-Apr-2018
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Thank you
Comment from Susan Burger
Too bad you didn't get it in in time for the contest. This is a very nice story. I saw a couple of typos but other than that very well done!
The couple typos I saw are when Debbie says you better dress nice and mean - I think you left out the word I. Also you have see instead of who she met in Time Square. Oh and up near the top, after they bump into each other you used a semi colon instead of an apostrophy. Just little things that are so easy to miss in our own work, because we know what we meant to say!
Nice job!
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2018
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Too bad you didn't get it in in time for the contest. This is a very nice story. I saw a couple of typos but other than that very well done!
The couple typos I saw are when Debbie says you better dress nice and mean - I think you left out the word I. Also you have see instead of who she met in Time Square. Oh and up near the top, after they bump into each other you used a semi colon instead of an apostrophy. Just little things that are so easy to miss in our own work, because we know what we meant to say!
Nice job!
Comment Written 01-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2018
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Thank you and I will fix those. I appreciate the feedback.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
This is a cute story but needs major editing. I have highlighted a few.
Just as she turned around, this very handsome man bumps into her. "Excuse me." She says shyly. (past tense sentence, then a present tense speech tag. TRY -- Just as she turned around, this very handsome man bumps into her. "Excuse me," she said shyly. I would describe her look rather than use the word SHYLY that telling not showing.)
"That;s okay pretty lady." ("That's okay, pretty lady.")
. "I was trying to get a New Years kiss (New Year's kiss)
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2018
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This is a cute story but needs major editing. I have highlighted a few.
Just as she turned around, this very handsome man bumps into her. "Excuse me." She says shyly. (past tense sentence, then a present tense speech tag. TRY -- Just as she turned around, this very handsome man bumps into her. "Excuse me," she said shyly. I would describe her look rather than use the word SHYLY that telling not showing.)
"That;s okay pretty lady." ("That's okay, pretty lady.")
. "I was trying to get a New Years kiss (New Year's kiss)
Comment Written 01-Apr-2018
reply by the author on 02-Apr-2018
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Thank you so much. I really enjoy your feedback
