Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 51 "Lilith's Revenge "A Novel of the Breedline Series
7 total reviews
Comment from rwilliam
OKAY, I say this every time but WOW the picture you picked is amazing!!!
A fervent howl suddenly rang out across the many dead and wounded hybrids, proving that there was no chance up against the Beast and his deadly companions.--This docent' flow well to me. Maybe: A fervent howl echoed across the countless dead and wounded hybrids, confirming there was no chance against the Beast and his deadly companions.
He retrieved the corpse's pants--who would not be needing them any longer--and handed them over to Jace.--Just my opinion but the - who would not be needing them any longer- isn't needed here. Corpse implies that. :-)
With retribution blazing through his veins, Steven rushed at the guards and engaged in brutal combat.--This seems choppy. Maybe: With retribution pulsing through his veins, Steven charged at the guards in brutal combat.
A foolish human guard got in his way and paid for it with his life. Steven tore out his heart, producing a geyser of crimson blood.--Maybe try: A human guard foolishly got in his was and paid for it with his life. Steven ripped out his heart, creating a geyser of crimson blood.
Good chapter. I like the ending a lot!
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2018
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OKAY, I say this every time but WOW the picture you picked is amazing!!!
A fervent howl suddenly rang out across the many dead and wounded hybrids, proving that there was no chance up against the Beast and his deadly companions.--This docent' flow well to me. Maybe: A fervent howl echoed across the countless dead and wounded hybrids, confirming there was no chance against the Beast and his deadly companions.
He retrieved the corpse's pants--who would not be needing them any longer--and handed them over to Jace.--Just my opinion but the - who would not be needing them any longer- isn't needed here. Corpse implies that. :-)
With retribution blazing through his veins, Steven rushed at the guards and engaged in brutal combat.--This seems choppy. Maybe: With retribution pulsing through his veins, Steven charged at the guards in brutal combat.
A foolish human guard got in his way and paid for it with his life. Steven tore out his heart, producing a geyser of crimson blood.--Maybe try: A human guard foolishly got in his was and paid for it with his life. Steven ripped out his heart, creating a geyser of crimson blood.
Good chapter. I like the ending a lot!
Comment Written 27-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 27-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for all your advice. It does help me out. Having another pair of eyes on your story makes a big difference. I sure appreciate you taking the time to read my chapter.
Thanks for mentioning the picture I added. Glad you liked it. It reminded me of what Lilith might look like in her heated rage.
Thanks again!
Shana :)
Comment from ngage
Excellent chapter, Shana. You managed to yet again amaze me with your creative imagination. I really enjoy the thrilling action, drama, and interactions between each character. Looking forward to more as always.
Nate
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Excellent chapter, Shana. You managed to yet again amaze me with your creative imagination. I really enjoy the thrilling action, drama, and interactions between each character. Looking forward to more as always.
Nate
Comment Written 22-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you my friend :)
Your feedback always puts a pep in my step and a smile on my face. Thanks so much for your support and kind words.
Sincerely,
Shana
Comment from apky
I love the artwork - a true furious goddess whose revenge is to be avoided at all costs, if you know what's good for you!
An excellent chapter without any spags or improvements I could suggest. I still think that you're the mistress of writing combat scenes. You seem to be perfectly in your elements in the last three or four chapters as the battle raged on.
Dr Crane is about to to taste the pills he developed...
It reminded me of my very different marathon writes - with bedroom scenes of Roman and Shana.
Brilliant, my friend.
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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I love the artwork - a true furious goddess whose revenge is to be avoided at all costs, if you know what's good for you!
An excellent chapter without any spags or improvements I could suggest. I still think that you're the mistress of writing combat scenes. You seem to be perfectly in your elements in the last three or four chapters as the battle raged on.
Dr Crane is about to to taste the pills he developed...
It reminded me of my very different marathon writes - with bedroom scenes of Roman and Shana.
Brilliant, my friend.
Comment Written 20-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 23-Mar-2018
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Thank you my dear friend :)
I'm glad you liked the photo. When I found it, I thought of Lilith in her heated rage. I think something all women can relate to. LOL!
The combat scenes have been a struggle for me to develop. I did get advice from Carl and also digging into research with weapons and military tactics. It's easy to picture all that in my head, but difficult to write it out and create a visual for the reader. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. It's good to hear the fight scenes worked well.
The last two days has been wonderful. My Carl finally made it home. I've been off work the last two days spending time with him. It's good to have him back safe and sound.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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What wonderful news, darling Shana, to hear that your Carl is finally home and safe.
I wish you both the most marvellous weekend you could wish for, God willing.
Ever fondly,
Aki
BTW did you read the wonderful Amazon review I got for The Capture from the bestselling UK author Lisabet? If you didn't read the version I posted here in FanStory (perhaps to show people what a review is!) here's a direct link to her blog where you can read the original and maybe leave a comment:
https://lisabetsarai.blogspot.com/2018/03/review-tuesday-goldin-shana-capture.html
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Yes I did read it. That was fabulous! Congratulations and you deserve every great review. :)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks in continuation, Lilith's revenge she appears fierce at the sight of her daughter Tessa, while Thomas seeks forgiveness, now Thomas is in the crossfire; moral stand upholds; well written, well done. B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER --DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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This speaks in continuation, Lilith's revenge she appears fierce at the sight of her daughter Tessa, while Thomas seeks forgiveness, now Thomas is in the crossfire; moral stand upholds; well written, well done. B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER --DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 20-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thank you my friend :)
I always enjoy reading your feedback. You have such kind things to say. Stay tuned for more adventures of the Breedline.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from beizanten
A long but interesting previous chapter summary. A well qritten and intriguing first paragraph that entice me to read more. A well written second and third paragraph. Overall. Interesting plotline and characters. The emotion of the characters run well throughout the story bringing the story and them into life.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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A long but interesting previous chapter summary. A well qritten and intriguing first paragraph that entice me to read more. A well written second and third paragraph. Overall. Interesting plotline and characters. The emotion of the characters run well throughout the story bringing the story and them into life.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Beizanten :)
This is the third series and it's so nice to hear your positive feedback. A lot has happened in the story and I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. I hope to hear from you again. You definitely put an extra pep in my step this morning.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
A most satisfying episode dear Shana. It looks like Dr. Crane and his army of human guards and hybrids are coming to a sticky end. You are really good at describing these incredible battle scenes, I'm truly in awe sate your ability to seemingly pluck them out of thin air, as it were. I guess that's what makes one a writer, well done Dear Shana, excellent episode, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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A most satisfying episode dear Shana. It looks like Dr. Crane and his army of human guards and hybrids are coming to a sticky end. You are really good at describing these incredible battle scenes, I'm truly in awe sate your ability to seemingly pluck them out of thin air, as it were. I guess that's what makes one a writer, well done Dear Shana, excellent episode, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 19-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thank you my dear friend :)
It has taken me some time to learn how to write fight scenes. Sometimes it takes me three or more days to write a chapter. Carl has definitely guided me on the battle portion. Plus I do research on weapons and fight techniques. I'm glad you enjoyed. I know the scenes get somewhat violent, but that's war for you. I want to make it real for the reader without totally turning their stomachs. LOL!
Thanks again for your support.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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It helps when the baddies are really bad, you're a talent girl,
Comment from Alexander Vasa
Hello, Jace and Jem are characters you've developed very effectively through your dialogue and good descriptive writing. I found the story engaging and well written. Thanks for sharing your writing, I noticed no errors, Ana.
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Hello, Jace and Jem are characters you've developed very effectively through your dialogue and good descriptive writing. I found the story engaging and well written. Thanks for sharing your writing, I noticed no errors, Ana.
Comment Written 19-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Ana :)
BTW... love your name! I have a new character named Ana in my fourth series I'm working on now. She's definitely a strong character, and a she-wolf!
I'm excited to hear you like my main characters, Jace and Jem. They are like my children. I do enjoy entertaining readers with my Breedline adventures. Hope to hear from you again, Ana.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
