Comment from Sis Cat

Excellent

Kid will get into anything! Uncles--especially "cliche scientists"--ought to know better than to have a locked basement lab anywhere near children, because they will get it. This prequel is a delightful origin story. It held my attention, even though much of the tropes were cliche.

The protagonists are ten, but the words they use, like "disobedience," sound like they belong to older children, or seem antiquated, "spoilsport." I have a niece and two nephews, and they do not talk like this.

One thing that would be interesting is to test your story on children who are ten to see if they can read it and are entertained by it. I actually kept several books I read when I was ten, but the children of today are different from the child I was. The one thing we all have in common is that we love a good story, and you have a charming one here.

Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 21-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018

Thanks for your insights and sincere opinion, Andre.

Comment from Mabaker

Excellent

Maria is this going to be a longer story or just a couple of chapters? I sure hope it's going to be a longer one because the start was a knockout. Very good kids and grown-ups should love it. Keep writing, sincerely Anne

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018

Just a short story with a second part I wrote a long time ago. Thanks for reading, Anne.

Comment from Gert sherwood

Excellent

Not only is your story good for children to read, Smiles, I found it fun to read with the various scenes talking about Uncle Geoff and your other characters than kept your story going, then when you got to Uncle Geoff secret lab and knew how to punish Colin and was it you (the narrator)
Gert

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 24-Mar-2018

Thanks for reading, Geert.

reply by Gert sherwood on 24-Mar-2018

You are welcome Maria
Gert

Comment from Bucketlist

Excellent

I really enjoyed this piece for its descriptions. You had me hooked until you and Herbert finally go into that room."..then for me it lost the oomph I look for. It's just my quirk, besides which, it's an opinion. Great writing as an impression, grammatically A1.
Thanks for sharing.
It maybe that the shorter length does not yield itself to more about the Arvik
Hugs! Trisha

 Comment Written 20-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018

Thanks for reading and for sharing your opinion, Trisha.

Comment from w.j.debi

Excellent

Well the alien was not what I expected them to find so good for you putting in the twist. Curiosity is a wonderful characteristic of childhood and scientific minds so I suppose Uncle Geoff could relate to why the children would want to explore his lab.
Excellent internal dialogue on the part of the narrator to keep the reader involved. She wandered off the subject a couple times to let us into on her world. Good job.

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018

Thanks so much for this thoughtful review.

Comment from damommy

Excellent

At least, they didn't do anything damaging, just summoned up an alien. That's not too bad.

I liked the Martha character. She sounds like the perfect nanny type.

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018

Thanks for reading, Yvonne.

Comment from royowen

Excellent

You managed to take me back to the days when I was a "grownup" ten, I also read the famous five books, but I think I was a trifle older. I like the idea of lifttle friendly aliens, of course there was ET, some years ago, well done, Maria, good scribing, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018

Thanks for reading and reviewing, Roy.

reply by royowen on 20-Mar-2018

Most welcome Maria.

Comment from BeasPeas

Excellent

Hi Maria. I enjoyed reading this. The story reads well all the way through and is sort of two stories in one. The first part reads as an autobiographical account (I know it's fiction), although we have an inkling that the kids are very interested in getting into the secret lab. Toward the end it switches to a fantasy. The kids get the key and go into the lab where they meet blue Arvik and are then punished by Uncle Geoff. My only suggestion is that the story wraps up rather quickly (only 2 paragraphs) after a lengthy lead-in. Perhaps add a bit more about Arvik. Marilyn

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018

Yeah, I think you are right. I was in a bit of a hurry when I wrote this... ;)
Thanks for reading.

Comment from Ulla

Excellent

Hi Maria Jose. I totally enjoyed this story. What a great imagination you've got. I loved the little Arvik, and I'm looking forward to read more about him. I've moved into my new home, and I'm so happy about it. And so is my dog! All the best. Ulla:)))

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018

Thanks for reading, Ulla. I'm glad you like your new home. Are you still living in the same area?

reply by Ulla on 20-Mar-2018

Yes, I live in the same valley. I have all my friends here and wouldn't dream of moving away. I'm so part of the community. I was just so lucky there was this house for sale, and one I could afford. There's still a lot of work to do to settle in, all the unpacking and so on. Also some decorating to do, but I enjoy that. :)))

Comment from Mustang Patty

Excellent

Hi, Maria;
You did a wonderful job of building the suspense in this story. Your use of the things little boys do was great. Oh, they're not little boys, they are ten, after all. I enjoyed the story very much,

~patty~

 Comment Written 19-Mar-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Mar-2018

Thanks so much, Patty. Take care.