Damaged Dreams
A being who can predict fates sees something terrifying3 total reviews
Comment from poetwatch
Luna, this is a very good story, but you need to correct your writing. I found these errors and probably missed a few others. I hope this will help. "No color meant that there were only be blood" (there will), same paragraph "whomever was the dream was" get rid of first (was), "a pale gray and had the features made her resemble some" (to resemble) "She had walked through her dream and he had nodded" how about (As she walked him through her dream, he nodded)
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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Luna, this is a very good story, but you need to correct your writing. I found these errors and probably missed a few others. I hope this will help. "No color meant that there were only be blood" (there will), same paragraph "whomever was the dream was" get rid of first (was), "a pale gray and had the features made her resemble some" (to resemble) "She had walked through her dream and he had nodded" how about (As she walked him through her dream, he nodded)
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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Thank you so much for reviewing and finding those mistakes!
Comment from apky
I can totally understand why you labelled this piece a horror thriller.
It also seems a genre you can handle with great skill. Your descriptions are vivid and even chilly for the reader. I chewed my nails a bit as I read, but did enjoy it all.
Excellent. Below are my favourite passages:
From her dream eyes she saw herself walking in a meadow and eventually coming upon a sobbing woman with angel wings before feeling a sudden pain in her stomach, instinctively bending forward in an attempt to alleviate the pain but blood (or so she always assumed) poured from her mouth like a syrup waterfall and congealed into a tar like pool on the grass.
When the flow stopped and she stood upright again, the angel winged woman was lying on her side with her entire abdominal area ripped open and organs spilling out on the ground. She was dressed in very little clothing, more like lingerie; stockings with straps attached to her low cut panties and all she had on top were a pair of small tassels.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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I can totally understand why you labelled this piece a horror thriller.
It also seems a genre you can handle with great skill. Your descriptions are vivid and even chilly for the reader. I chewed my nails a bit as I read, but did enjoy it all.
Excellent. Below are my favourite passages:
From her dream eyes she saw herself walking in a meadow and eventually coming upon a sobbing woman with angel wings before feeling a sudden pain in her stomach, instinctively bending forward in an attempt to alleviate the pain but blood (or so she always assumed) poured from her mouth like a syrup waterfall and congealed into a tar like pool on the grass.
When the flow stopped and she stood upright again, the angel winged woman was lying on her side with her entire abdominal area ripped open and organs spilling out on the ground. She was dressed in very little clothing, more like lingerie; stockings with straps attached to her low cut panties and all she had on top were a pair of small tassels.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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Thanks for the great feedback! Glad you enjoyed it :)
Comment from Alexander Vasa
'There couldn't be good without evil...' So true, we only know if something is good because we have evil to compare it to. A good horror thriller story and your premise is original and engaging, as are your characters. Good ending as well. I noticed no errors, your grammar, and command of language is very good. Thanks, Ana.
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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'There couldn't be good without evil...' So true, we only know if something is good because we have evil to compare it to. A good horror thriller story and your premise is original and engaging, as are your characters. Good ending as well. I noticed no errors, your grammar, and command of language is very good. Thanks, Ana.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 16-Mar-2018
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Thanks for the great feedback!
