Rainbow
A woman misses her dead husband15 total reviews
Comment from royowen
I adore my wife, but if she went before I would have my kids and grands, not to mention friends. Beautifully written, doing your new found tetrameter thing, the words are finely crafted, the narrative smooth and yielding, aabb rhyming introduces som feminine rhymes, that fitted OK, Well done, good theme, a lot would relate to it, well done, Pamela, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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I adore my wife, but if she went before I would have my kids and grands, not to mention friends. Beautifully written, doing your new found tetrameter thing, the words are finely crafted, the narrative smooth and yielding, aabb rhyming introduces som feminine rhymes, that fitted OK, Well done, good theme, a lot would relate to it, well done, Pamela, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Roy for your great teview and high rating. I think if the poem is read carefully, it is the husband who died
But, maybe it does not matter. She could be talking from the great beyond as you thought or she could still be alive. I guess I never said. I will leave it up to the reader
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I knew that, it was just me relating the other way around Pamela, well done, Roy
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Roy. I think it is good that men can relate to this too. Most people think the wife died first. But, I left subtle slurs which I think you picked up on. Like her saying he is gone but she had to stay. And then talking about his handsome face. So, it is OK to leave alone
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Well done
Comment from Sugarray77
I agree with your author's notes. It would be horrible to experience the grief. You did a good job crafting this poem and definitely brought out the emotional grief. Well done.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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I agree with your author's notes. It would be horrible to experience the grief. You did a good job crafting this poem and definitely brought out the emotional grief. Well done.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Sugarray77 for your lovely review and high rating
Comment from Debbie Pope
Wow! This is a powerful poem. I take it from your notes that it is not autobiographical. You must have a great love for your husband. What a blessing. I hope that you never lose him. Despite the sadness of the poem, it is also hopeful. I don't think that the narrator would give himself if it weren't for the prospect of being reunited. It is still so sad though. Nice job with the poem. I am sure that many widows and widowers identify. My only suggestion would be to rewrite the last line to address the wife. I know that you need to keep "wife" as your last word. Something like "I will be with you soon, my wife." The problem is that you change voice in that line. Excellent job though.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Wow! This is a powerful poem. I take it from your notes that it is not autobiographical. You must have a great love for your husband. What a blessing. I hope that you never lose him. Despite the sadness of the poem, it is also hopeful. I don't think that the narrator would give himself if it weren't for the prospect of being reunited. It is still so sad though. Nice job with the poem. I am sure that many widows and widowers identify. My only suggestion would be to rewrite the last line to address the wife. I know that you need to keep "wife" as your last word. Something like "I will be with you soon, my wife." The problem is that you change voice in that line. Excellent job though.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Debbie for your great review and high rating and fir the suggestion. But it is the wife who is still alive. She is telling him that the pills she will take reunite him with his wife.
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I am not asking you to do so, but, I left a couple of clues to show that it was the wife left behind and who will take pills to join her husband
First; it said ?you are gone; I had to stay, I know I will be there someday? or something like that. This establishes that the narrator is alive.
Second; she says she looks forward to seeing his handsome face. Now we have edtablished that he is handsome. So, now we have edtablished that the narrator is female
That is why the wording at the end is the way it is. She is talking to him. Anyhow, I do not think
It is a bad thing that men can identify with this as well as women. Thank you for everything. Take care
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Looking at my review, I got confused. I apologize. I knew that the wife survived. So my suggestion makes no sense. I was just trying to keep the wife word at the end without thinking it through.
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I really appreciate your trying to help. You gave me a choice. I chose to leave alone, but I could have chosen to use your suggestion. If you never made it, I would never know. I like having options. So, thank you
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How sweet. I was trying to help. Your poem is perfectly clear about the widow. I always knew that. Nothing is confusing about your poem at all.
Comment from Mary Hollingsworth
Pam as always, a heartfelt piece of heart accompanied by a most appropriate piece of art that is icing on the cake. There's nothing that I would add or take away, accept if I could take that yearning pain away. The rhythm and rhyme are systematic as always. just another great work of art.
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reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Pam as always, a heartfelt piece of heart accompanied by a most appropriate piece of art that is icing on the cake. There's nothing that I would add or take away, accept if I could take that yearning pain away. The rhythm and rhyme are systematic as always. just another great work of art.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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Thank you, Mary for your lovely review and high rating. I think I left it open which
One of them died.
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I love everything you do.
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:-)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks fulfilment of wish to see wife's handsome face at the time of death; rainbow agrees to desire, pills will help him join his wife; well written, well done. B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER -- DR ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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This speaks fulfilment of wish to see wife's handsome face at the time of death; rainbow agrees to desire, pills will help him join his wife; well written, well done. B A CHANGE INSPIRER-WRITER -- DR ALCREATOR
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Mar-2018
reply by the author on 15-Mar-2018
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The wife is taking the pills. The husband is deceased and has the handsome face. She is saying that the pills she will take will reunite him with his wife. I will try to figure out why that was not clear. Thank you for your nice teview and rating
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In one of the stanzas it says ?You are gone but I had to stay?
Then later ?I hope to see your handsome face? after she dies. Then I thought everyone would know that the I was the wife because the you was handsome
Then she is taking the pills so he can be reunited with her (his wife). Sorry I made it so confusing. I thought those other things would give it away. I think it is a good thing if men identify with losing wives as well. So, I am going to leave it alone. Thank you!
