Reviews from

Don't Look at Me

An orphan girl needs to hide

3 total reviews 
Comment from BeasPeas
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Bring the little one to me. She'd be safe. An intriguing and interesting story that could be part of a longer story--why is she an orphan, how did she come to be on the horse farm and so on. Marilyn

 Comment Written 12-Mar-2018

reply by the author on 12-Mar-2018
    I'm thinking of a longer story! I think she has a lot of spunk. Thanks for the comments and stars!
Comment from ServantOfGod
Excellent
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I certainly can get a feel for this orphan girl character you've created in this passage. Restricted by the word count, you definitely did manage to get across to me what your character is like. Wish you all the best for the contest.

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2018

reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
    Thank you for the comments.
Comment from RodG
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

You really do a good job of introducing Marnie and setting your scene. You might start your story by stating her real name: "Marnie didn't mind . . ." Your biggest problem in the story, however, is switching VERB TENSE from past to present and back again. Be consistent. I would use the PAST tense if it were my story.

 Comment Written 10-Mar-2018

reply by the author on 10-Mar-2018
    Oh, dear! Thanks for the comments and I'll have to have another look. I appreciate knowing.