Experiment Gone Wrong
A Harrisham Rhyme for Potlatch24 total reviews
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good Job. What does your potion do? I need a good wrinkle cream, a waist shrinker, and maybe a boob lifter. I'm glad you made a double batch so we can share. :)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Good Job. What does your potion do? I need a good wrinkle cream, a waist shrinker, and maybe a boob lifter. I'm glad you made a double batch so we can share. :)
Comment Written 20-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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It ate a hole through the countertop. LOL. That's what would happen if I really did experiment. I need all those things, too.
Comment from judiverse
This is clever. I would never attempt such a thing. Even in biology class when I was in high school the teacher didn't trust us to do much more than make drawings in our notebooks. If this guy was looking for a cure for the common cold, I doubt that he'll ever meet with success. Great description of the sounds the potion made. Just like in the sci-fi movies about a crazy scientist. Excellent rhyme. I do enjoy reading something light and entertaining. judi
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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This is clever. I would never attempt such a thing. Even in biology class when I was in high school the teacher didn't trust us to do much more than make drawings in our notebooks. If this guy was looking for a cure for the common cold, I doubt that he'll ever meet with success. Great description of the sounds the potion made. Just like in the sci-fi movies about a crazy scientist. Excellent rhyme. I do enjoy reading something light and entertaining. judi
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Thank you. Of course, I wouldn't really try anything like this. I'd blow my house up, I'm afraid. lol
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You're welcome. I've had a few cooking experiments blow up on me. judi
Comment from doggymad
Ha ha I loved it. Great work with the format which would send my brain into orbit.
I certainly won't be getting my cauldron out anytime soon, if this is the result. I hate cleaning down the cooker.
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Ha ha I loved it. Great work with the format which would send my brain into orbit.
I certainly won't be getting my cauldron out anytime soon, if this is the result. I hate cleaning down the cooker.
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I wouldn't really try anything like this. I'd blow up the house. lol. Thanks for the fun review.
Comment from JennaG
This was such a cute poem! I loved the story of the runaway potion! This form looks like so much fun. I can't wait to try it out! Great job with the form and perfect picture to match! This was a pleasure to read! :)
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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This was such a cute poem! I loved the story of the runaway potion! This form looks like so much fun. I can't wait to try it out! Great job with the form and perfect picture to match! This was a pleasure to read! :)
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much. Yes, you must do it. It certainly taxed my brain. 8-)
Comment from Ulla
Wonderful, Yvonne, Oh dear, it sounds dangerous. Experimenting has been many a boy's dream. It's surprising they didn't get blown up. I love it. A hug. Ulla:)x
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Wonderful, Yvonne, Oh dear, it sounds dangerous. Experimenting has been many a boy's dream. It's surprising they didn't get blown up. I love it. A hug. Ulla:)x
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I wouldn't really try this. I'd blow the house up. Just a bit of silliness. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
Comment from Dean Kuch
I believe the "d" in "developed" went AWOL on you in the following line, Yvonne:
develope something that would to rid."
I loved the metrical rhythm of this form of poetry. It is very upbeat.
This is only the second Harrisham Rhyme poem I've ever read.
The first was Jan's.
Nicely done!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I believe the "d" in "developed" went AWOL on you in the following line, Yvonne:
develope something that would to rid."
I loved the metrical rhythm of this form of poetry. It is very upbeat.
This is only the second Harrisham Rhyme poem I've ever read.
The first was Jan's.
Nicely done!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Thank you. I'll take another look. Thanks.
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Nope, no 'd'. I meant to make something or to develop something. Thanks for asking.
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Okay, so you added a "e" to "develop" that didn't need to be there, is that what you're trying to say?
Same thing...
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Ooops!
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I corrected it even though it sounds sillier now. lol
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This sounds like the tomato that devoured Cleveland. It was a classic movie. I Think it won several Oscars and starred Clark Gable. Actually, if you want to stop the itch from bug bites, dab a little bleach on them. It has to be done as soon after the bite as possible.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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This sounds like the tomato that devoured Cleveland. It was a classic movie. I Think it won several Oscars and starred Clark Gable. Actually, if you want to stop the itch from bug bites, dab a little bleach on them. It has to be done as soon after the bite as possible.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I've heard that. Also, vinegar. I wouldn't try anything like this in case I blew up the house. LOL
Comment from TheLabyrinthMind
The language flows very well in this poem. Your word selection and rhyme scheme are both on point and each line leads seamlessly into the next. And the idea is great for a silly poem. A scientist who has the wacky idea to make bug spray but instead creates some kind of sentient sludge. How does that even happen? It's just bug spray.
That said, I think the one thing that would make this poem a bit stronger is if you clarified exactly how the experiment went wrong. Here it's hard to tell. Does it just bubble over and make a loud noise? Does it gain some kind of sentience as I mentioned? The punchline of this poem is that the scientist created a disaster out of a simple experiment (seriously, how hard is it to make bug spray?). So in order for that punchline to really work, I feel like the reader needs a bit more clarification on exactly what went wrong.
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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The language flows very well in this poem. Your word selection and rhyme scheme are both on point and each line leads seamlessly into the next. And the idea is great for a silly poem. A scientist who has the wacky idea to make bug spray but instead creates some kind of sentient sludge. How does that even happen? It's just bug spray.
That said, I think the one thing that would make this poem a bit stronger is if you clarified exactly how the experiment went wrong. Here it's hard to tell. Does it just bubble over and make a loud noise? Does it gain some kind of sentience as I mentioned? The punchline of this poem is that the scientist created a disaster out of a simple experiment (seriously, how hard is it to make bug spray?). So in order for that punchline to really work, I feel like the reader needs a bit more clarification on exactly what went wrong.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I think that's too much to expect of a silly, humorous rhyme. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I remember when I was just a young lad, having a chemistry set. I did have some of my experiments bubble over to. I will admit though that I never tried to make something to cure an itch. This was fun to read. Well done.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I remember when I was just a young lad, having a chemistry set. I did have some of my experiments bubble over to. I will admit though that I never tried to make something to cure an itch. This was fun to read. Well done.
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I'm so glad you liked it. I'd never really try anything like this. I'd blew up my house probably. lol
Comment from Susan Burger
This is a great Harrisham Rhyme. A lot of time has to go into creating a poem with strict guidelines. Kudos to you for making such a humorous creation! The picture goes with the poem beautifully. Nice job!
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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This is a great Harrisham Rhyme. A lot of time has to go into creating a poem with strict guidelines. Kudos to you for making such a humorous creation! The picture goes with the poem beautifully. Nice job!
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much. I really appreciate that.
