Reviews from

Experiment Gone Wrong

A Harrisham Rhyme for Potlatch

24 total reviews 
Comment from Dawn Munro
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I didn't understand the notes, but I am still grinning over the tootling science experiment! Biting bugs' devotion potion, huh? Quite the notion. I think I'll have to keep this sample in case I ever try the form! :)))

One nit, for spelling - "develop" - no "e" (Been there, done that - got in "the zone", didn't you? Hahahahaha!)

 Comment Written 24-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 24-Feb-2018
    I looked it up. Develope with an e is old fashioned but acceptable. Whew! You must try this form of poetry.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
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Great humourous write with your Harrisham Rhyme, about one woman's crazy notion and bubbling potion. I love the cartoon artwork, lovely presentation.
cheers

 Comment Written 23-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 23-Feb-2018
    Thank you so much, Pearl. Of course, I didn't really do this. I'd blow up the house. lol
Comment from l.raven
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Hi Yvonne, LOL...have a boring day today...did we???...LOL...has to be a better way to get rid of those nasty bugs...LOL...love your poem my sweet friend...made me laugh...and I think that picture is someone I know...LOL...very well written you...love you...Linda xxoo

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
    I'm glad I made you laugh. That picture is me mixing the ingredients. lol
reply by l.raven on 21-Feb-2018
    I'm glad you did too...nice smile...LOL...love xxoo
Comment from Ogden
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I do take your word. Mainly because I have no bugs to fight off, and I'm staying away from your kitchen, starting now! I'm not taking any chances.

Excellent poem, though.

Don (Ogden)

 Comment Written 21-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
    LOL. I don't blame you. If I really tried this, I'd probably blow up my house. Thanks for reviewing.
reply by Ogden on 21-Feb-2018
    You're welcome, Damommy.
Comment from emptypage
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Hahaha..... I can see it, feel it, slithering through my kitchen (and hopefully out of the doggy door), leaving a snaily-slime trail in its wake.
Yuck.
Anything strong enough to cure bugs is bound to be a monster.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
    Right! I wouldn't try this for real, though. I'd probably burn down the house. Thanks for a fun review.
Comment from lyenochka
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Creative use of this format, Yvonne. And it's such a cute story poem. I was wondering about the spelling of "develope" vs. "develop" and although the fanstory editor prefers the latter, it could be either. So I guess you chose the one that would help your next line?

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
    Yep, that's what I did. Thanks for overlooking that.
Comment from LIJ Red
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I'm thinking Evil Eddie got into your poem.
develop something that would to rid
every biting bug's devotion,
resting on my skin forbid. OR
develope something to get(or be) rid
Ever' biting bug's devotion
resting on my skin forbid.
My old dictionary has develope as an acceptable alternate spelling...
I once invented a universal solvent, but had nothing to keep it in...
You are on the Harrisham path, I thnk.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
    I wouldn't really try this. I'd blow up my house. lol. Thanks for reviewing. I'll take a look and see what Evil Eddie has done.
Comment from brenda bickers
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Hi Damommy,
This was very clever. I like the fun read and love the subject. The picture is adorable and really fits the poem well. I struggled with writing this form but I gave it a go.
Well done.x

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
    Good for you! Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Pantygynt
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This is great fun and personally i tink it works well in a regular metre as you have done it here. It raises an interesting point however, in S1L2. Is 'you'll' one or two words. If two then L3 must begin with a 'U'. If one then your third line is correct as written. The apostrophe takes the place of missing letters, in this case 'W' and 'I' and it is then written as a single word. In the OED it appears and is noted as a contraction. That is good enough for me. If it appears in the OED it is a word sor the question is answered.

All that was for you just in case the apostrophe police should bring you in for questioning.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
    Thank you for this great review. I'll change that to 'you won't.' That should do it. Thank you for watching my back. 8-)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
    I see what you mean now. I counted 'you'll' as one word, and used the last letter L. That should satisfy any police that come along. lol
Comment from sandy montgomery
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Love the presentation. This is a good example of your chosen form. I liked the use of humor. Good solid well constructed rhymes. Very well done. Thank you for sharing your misadventure in rhyme.

 Comment Written 20-Feb-2018

reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
    Thank you, Sandy. I appreciate this.