Surprise!
Things are not always what they seem15 total reviews
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is a good story for the '100 Word Flash Fiction' writing prompt.
A clear story told in 100 words. Well done. And things are not always what they seem indeed.
Good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2018
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This is a good story for the '100 Word Flash Fiction' writing prompt.
A clear story told in 100 words. Well done. And things are not always what they seem indeed.
Good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this little story. I wrote it on a whim so will have to wait and see how it performs in this contest. Appreciate you taking the time to read the story and write a review.
Comment from Rasmine
The writing was good. The subject, okay. My brother was gay and love is love. We need to accept now, not judge or be mean. I don't intend for you to think you are, I'm just making a statement.
TC,
nome
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2018
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The writing was good. The subject, okay. My brother was gay and love is love. We need to accept now, not judge or be mean. I don't intend for you to think you are, I'm just making a statement.
TC,
nome
Comment Written 21-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 22-Feb-2018
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Appreciate you taking the time to read this little story I wrote on a whim for this contest. Will have to wait and see how it performs once the contest begins.
Comment from F. Wehr3
Funny story, Brett. I enjoyed the flash fiction piece. I noticed a couple of things as I was reading. Please consider the following.
The first thing is you only have ninety words, and the contest states between 98-102 words.
Picturesque beauty caught Tom's eye.--Just a little thing, but I would suggest: A picturesque ... And then you only need to add seven more words, lol.
In the parking lot he proposed, "Buy you a beer?" --I suggest a comma after lot. This separates your prepositional phrase from your main sentence. The other thing was buy you drink. Maybe? Drink is more common and encompasses any form of alcohol. Maybe 'she' doesn't drink beer, you know?
as they stepped out of the Porsche. --I got confused here. Maybe it's just me. Who are they? Are you referring to Tom and 'her?'
The her he thought he saw was a him! --Not sure about this one, but I wanted to mention it. The her, he thought he saw, was a him! I read it more like a parenthetical expression, but like I said, don't take my word for it.
I hope you find this helpful. Good luck in the contest,
Russell
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Funny story, Brett. I enjoyed the flash fiction piece. I noticed a couple of things as I was reading. Please consider the following.
The first thing is you only have ninety words, and the contest states between 98-102 words.
Picturesque beauty caught Tom's eye.--Just a little thing, but I would suggest: A picturesque ... And then you only need to add seven more words, lol.
In the parking lot he proposed, "Buy you a beer?" --I suggest a comma after lot. This separates your prepositional phrase from your main sentence. The other thing was buy you drink. Maybe? Drink is more common and encompasses any form of alcohol. Maybe 'she' doesn't drink beer, you know?
as they stepped out of the Porsche. --I got confused here. Maybe it's just me. Who are they? Are you referring to Tom and 'her?'
The her he thought he saw was a him! --Not sure about this one, but I wanted to mention it. The her, he thought he saw, was a him! I read it more like a parenthetical expression, but like I said, don't take my word for it.
I hope you find this helpful. Good luck in the contest,
Russell
Comment Written 20-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Russell, thanks for the extremely insightful review. Without your comments, I would not have done anything else to this story and it would not have met the qualifications of the contest. Recommended changes considered and changed where appropriate. Hand-counted the words, and this time I came out with 101. Hopefully, I counted them all!
Comment from Shirley E Kennedy
Hi Brett,
Short, sharp and to the point with that stinging tail for extra impact.
I enjoyed the realism in the short tale and agree all is not always as it seems.
Indeed many times it appears nothing is as it seems.
The scenario you descibe has frightened many a lothario.
:-) Shirley
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Hi Brett,
Short, sharp and to the point with that stinging tail for extra impact.
I enjoyed the realism in the short tale and agree all is not always as it seems.
Indeed many times it appears nothing is as it seems.
The scenario you descibe has frightened many a lothario.
:-) Shirley
Comment Written 19-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this little story I wrote on a whim. Will have to see how it performs in this contest. Yes, being in a situation like the one described has been a bane for many men. Appreciate you taking the time to read my story and to write a review.
Comment from emptypage
LOL, I should have expected this from you. Still, why the violence? I mean why did Tom get hit? He only asked, right?
I mentioned you in my rhyming poem contest entry.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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LOL, I should have expected this from you. Still, why the violence? I mean why did Tom get hit? He only asked, right?
I mentioned you in my rhyming poem contest entry.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Tom was not physically assaulted. Hit means shocked, stunned, surprised (that is where the title of the piece comes from). I checked your poem but did not see my name used in vain in it.
Comment from brenda bickers
Hi Bret,
This had me smiling. Nowadays it is sometimes hard to tell the difference until they actually speak. This must be the ultimate nightmare for a full blooded male.
Great read.
Brenda:))X
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Hi Bret,
This had me smiling. Nowadays it is sometimes hard to tell the difference until they actually speak. This must be the ultimate nightmare for a full blooded male.
Great read.
Brenda:))X
Comment Written 18-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this little story. I actually wrote it on a whim, so will see how it fares in this contest. Yes, not doubt, this is the ultimate nightmare for full-blooded males. Appreciate you taking the time to read it and to write a review.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written hundred word flash fiction and a sure surprise to expect a Lady and instead a man dressed as a Lady must make a real man feel like a total fool.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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A very well-written hundred word flash fiction and a sure surprise to expect a Lady and instead a man dressed as a Lady must make a real man feel like a total fool.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this little story. Appreciate your comments and support.
Comment from Thomas Bowling
I was riding along with a guy that was a real whore dog. He saw some beside the road wearing shorts and bending over. How would you like some of that? He asked.
I said, "Harold that's an old man pulling weeds."
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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I was riding along with a guy that was a real whore dog. He saw some beside the road wearing shorts and bending over. How would you like some of that? He asked.
I said, "Harold that's an old man pulling weeds."
Comment Written 18-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this little story. Sure "Harold" probably felt the same way when he found out about the old man. Appreciate you taking the time to read this little story I wrote on a whim and writing a review.
Comment from judiverse
One never knows, do one? This interesting flash fiction. You have the intrigue going, and Tom's surprise when he finds out that the beauty he thought he saw was actually a him. (Happens all the time on the soap operas.) No wasted words, and you have character, a fascinating situation, and the conclusion all nicely wrapped up. Enjoyable reading. juid
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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One never knows, do one? This interesting flash fiction. You have the intrigue going, and Tom's surprise when he finds out that the beauty he thought he saw was actually a him. (Happens all the time on the soap operas.) No wasted words, and you have character, a fascinating situation, and the conclusion all nicely wrapped up. Enjoyable reading. juid
Comment Written 18-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this little story I wrote on a whim. Well have to see how it performs in this contest. Appreciate your comments and support. For a real man this type of situation would indeed be a real shocker.
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You're very welcome. The gal on "The Bold and the Beautiful" was able to fool a lot of people. judi
Comment from Sankey
This was a quick one. And a pin dropper as well. Good work. I liked the picture as well. Still trying to get all my stuff sorted out in here. I hope we can keep in touch should I move on.
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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This was a quick one. And a pin dropper as well. Good work. I liked the picture as well. Still trying to get all my stuff sorted out in here. I hope we can keep in touch should I move on.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 19-Feb-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this little story I wrote on a whim. Will have to see how it actually performs in this contest. Yes, to see something picturesque that you want, only to find the shock of it not being, would indeed be pin dropping. Appreciate you taking the time to read this story and write a review.
