The High Tundra Drifter
Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Starfire Arises"A knight battling climate change
13 total reviews
Comment from nor84
I'm going to give you five stars because I didn't read this in depth, but I wanted to give you a heads-up review.The entry does not mention a storm, so unless that is in the story somewhere and I didn't see it, you need to modify your entry and still have time to do so.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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I'm going to give you five stars because I didn't read this in depth, but I wanted to give you a heads-up review.The entry does not mention a storm, so unless that is in the story somewhere and I didn't see it, you need to modify your entry and still have time to do so.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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Good point - thought of trek as a storm. Maybe not.
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no, trek is more like a trip. If you trek somewhere, you go there, usually on foot.
Comment from Angela VA
This is a unique take on the "storm approaches" prompt! Your story is interesting and has a good ending. I did see many errors in spelling and grammar along the way, so a good editing reread would be a good idea. I'll address a few here.
1st paragraph - last three "sentences" aren't actually full sentences, but phrases.
5th paragraph - "Apple" should be "apple." The following sentence needs a comma after "shaped." - "It is bell shaped flaring to about four inches at the base and averages about eight inches in length." The next sentence could use a "-" after "colors," rather than a comma. "Klicks come in a wide variety of colors, red, blue, yellow, and seemingly all hues in between."
I enjoy fantasy stories and this is a good idea in the category, with supportive backstory for the climax.
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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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This is a unique take on the "storm approaches" prompt! Your story is interesting and has a good ending. I did see many errors in spelling and grammar along the way, so a good editing reread would be a good idea. I'll address a few here.
1st paragraph - last three "sentences" aren't actually full sentences, but phrases.
5th paragraph - "Apple" should be "apple." The following sentence needs a comma after "shaped." - "It is bell shaped flaring to about four inches at the base and averages about eight inches in length." The next sentence could use a "-" after "colors," rather than a comma. "Klicks come in a wide variety of colors, red, blue, yellow, and seemingly all hues in between."
I enjoy fantasy stories and this is a good idea in the category, with supportive backstory for the climax.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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Thanks!!Great comments. I suck at grammar. I?ll work on it.
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Grammarly could be very helpful then! Check it out.
Comment from Sherman541
What agony and torture to just come of age and having your wings finally grow and appear. Poor Unicorn. Vultures are a mean clean up crew, for the dying. It would appear that Starfire, was able to come of age, without the help of any other. Good Luck and Best Wishes in the Contest! Sherman541
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reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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What agony and torture to just come of age and having your wings finally grow and appear. Poor Unicorn. Vultures are a mean clean up crew, for the dying. It would appear that Starfire, was able to come of age, without the help of any other. Good Luck and Best Wishes in the Contest! Sherman541
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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In most cases, great progress of anyone is facilitated by others. And sometimes that help comes from the unexpected in unexpected ways. In this case, Starfire was guided by no will of her own until she was ready to take control. She certainly would have not done it by herself. Or that was the intent of the story. There are many cases where greatness comes only from within - Part of story is to support the idea that great hardship often has a silver lining - such belief can make hardship easier to tolerate.
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Yes, thanks for the explanation. Again, Good Luck !!
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Of course if it needs an explanation ...I appreciate your vomments
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:)
