Blackberrying
Blank Verse40 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Tony;
Those days of berry-picking do indeed crystalize friendships and relationships. My cousins, Rosie and Frankie, were the only cousins I had even close to my age. We didn't spend much time together, but to this day, I can pick up a phone and we can start a conversation that sounds like we've never been apart,
~patty~
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
  |
Hi, Tony;
Those days of berry-picking do indeed crystalize friendships and relationships. My cousins, Rosie and Frankie, were the only cousins I had even close to my age. We didn't spend much time together, but to this day, I can pick up a phone and we can start a conversation that sounds like we've never been apart,
~patty~
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
-
I seem to have struck a common chord with this one, dredging up memories and bringing forth personal anecdotes from several reviewers! I have taken up Jim's advice and rearranged the lines into more coherent chunks, rather than into arbitrary quatrains. I have also made a few revisions to the central part of the poem which I hope improves it. Many thanks for your comments and review. All the best, Tony
Comment from Halfree
I very much enjoyed this poem, read the thing three times, put it aside and later came back for the fourth read. It is very difficult for me to review this poem because it spoke to me in beautiful muted tones.
But, always the but, there were places that I stumbled about.
"bramble years..." perhaps ..."bramble of my years,"
Lines three and four seem out of place.
Although the sun....why although"
This, in my view, is a very good poem, needs some editing. I am glad I took the time to read it. A nice way to start my day. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
 |
I very much enjoyed this poem, read the thing three times, put it aside and later came back for the fourth read. It is very difficult for me to review this poem because it spoke to me in beautiful muted tones.
But, always the but, there were places that I stumbled about.
"bramble years..." perhaps ..."bramble of my years,"
Lines three and four seem out of place.
Although the sun....why although"
This, in my view, is a very good poem, needs some editing. I am glad I took the time to read it. A nice way to start my day. Thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
-
Thanks for this review, Halfree. I appreciate your advice. I'm using 'bramble years' in much the same context as 'thorny problems'. Although your suggested amendment adds a degree of clarity, I'd need to consider how to incorporate it within the stricture of iambic pentameter. The 'although' refers to the fact that, despite the beauty of nature surrounding me, my attention to it has been distracted by past memories.
I have, however, made some changes both to the line structure and to the wording of the central section.
All the best, Tony
Comment from zanya
A poetic treat for all of the sense evoked within the context of Autumn and blackberry picking -a slice of life - autumn berries and friendships forge - enhanced with a delightful berry display
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
 |
A poetic treat for all of the sense evoked within the context of Autumn and blackberry picking -a slice of life - autumn berries and friendships forge - enhanced with a delightful berry display
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
-
What a treat for me, too - having six stars awarded! Thank you very much!
Comment from Dean Kuch
Good use of metaphor here, Tony, in comparing our reminiscence to picking berries in from a patch lade with brambles.
Sometimes you've gotta wade through the chaff to get to the good grain.
and we were small in stillness, trapped in haze
of heavy scented eucalyptus leaves,
anointing all our sense with quietude.
Occasional elusive coloured birds
flashed through our line of sight, ephemeral,
still etched in mind long after they had gone,
as music lingers past the final note,
and then we heard the outrage of their screech,
their cry, "Beware! Be gone, for strangers come!"
Our minds soon tuned into the insect whirr
and hum of bees that hovered on the flowers
in this our chapel, perilous and rare, ...
Simply outstanding poetry.
Brilliant.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
|
Good use of metaphor here, Tony, in comparing our reminiscence to picking berries in from a patch lade with brambles.
Sometimes you've gotta wade through the chaff to get to the good grain.
and we were small in stillness, trapped in haze
of heavy scented eucalyptus leaves,
anointing all our sense with quietude.
Occasional elusive coloured birds
flashed through our line of sight, ephemeral,
still etched in mind long after they had gone,
as music lingers past the final note,
and then we heard the outrage of their screech,
their cry, "Beware! Be gone, for strangers come!"
Our minds soon tuned into the insect whirr
and hum of bees that hovered on the flowers
in this our chapel, perilous and rare, ...
Simply outstanding poetry.
Brilliant.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
-
As always, I appreciate your response, the kind words and the six stars. All are a great encouragement to me. Thanks very much! Tony
-
It's always a pleasure, Tony. You're very welcome.
Comment from TPAC
I thought this write was a super read, events detailed absorbing you by defined interests, making its content disclosed a pleasing delight. A journey of mind, I feel the readers will find exciting to tour. All in my opinion of this work.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
|
I thought this write was a super read, events detailed absorbing you by defined interests, making its content disclosed a pleasing delight. A journey of mind, I feel the readers will find exciting to tour. All in my opinion of this work.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
-
Very many thanks for your review, TPAC. Your comment, "A journey if the mind" sums it up well.. Best wishes, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
This seems to me to be a perfect piece of blank verse. With the possible exception of an opening spondee in the "Death Valley lines I found no substitutions or feminine endings and the nearest thing to a mortal sin was the rhyming of lassitude with quietude which brings me to as this question -- Why the quatrain stanzas? In my current class we debated this question over a poem of Adonna's (Miss Merri) (Night Train).
Where rhyme is involved I can see a reason or when the stanzas act like paragraphs as is often the case in sonnets where the development of the whole follows in quatrain form. But in in blank verse it seems to me that the practice is for no purpose. I am sending you an email with this poem laid out according to your own punctuation -- line breaks on your full stops (periods for the benefit of our US friends). I would be interested in your comments.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
|
This seems to me to be a perfect piece of blank verse. With the possible exception of an opening spondee in the "Death Valley lines I found no substitutions or feminine endings and the nearest thing to a mortal sin was the rhyming of lassitude with quietude which brings me to as this question -- Why the quatrain stanzas? In my current class we debated this question over a poem of Adonna's (Miss Merri) (Night Train).
Where rhyme is involved I can see a reason or when the stanzas act like paragraphs as is often the case in sonnets where the development of the whole follows in quatrain form. But in in blank verse it seems to me that the practice is for no purpose. I am sending you an email with this poem laid out according to your own punctuation -- line breaks on your full stops (periods for the benefit of our US friends). I would be interested in your comments.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
-
Many thanks for stopping by to review, Jim. Much appreciated! Thanks, too, for your helpful comments by email. I hope that your final session went well. Do you have a bit of a break from it all now? All the best, Tony
Comment from dragonpoet
This free verse poem gives clear images of the area you picked in and how you got there. It personifies nature and shows how relationships are formed and strengthened by shared activities and the sharing of the product of them with
others.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
|
This free verse poem gives clear images of the area you picked in and how you got there. It personifies nature and shows how relationships are formed and strengthened by shared activities and the sharing of the product of them with
others.
Keep writing
dragonpoet
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
-
Many thanks for stopping by to review, Joan. Much appreciated! Tony
-
Any time, Tony.
Joan
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written blank verse about the BlackBerry picking and cooking of jams for preservation and gifts to friends. That is the good times of hard work we will always remember.
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
|
A very well-written blank verse about the BlackBerry picking and cooking of jams for preservation and gifts to friends. That is the good times of hard work we will always remember.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2018
-
Many thanks for stopping by to review, Sandra. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from CD Richards
Blackberry is such a dilemma, as far as I'm concerned. I love the fruit, and absolutely hate the vine. It spreads like nobody's business, thanks in no small part to the birds that love to eat it. As much as I enjoy the fruit, I try to get rid of as much as possible. Our four goats cleaned up a massive jumble of it that was growing right over the top of one of our sheds, for which I'll be forever grateful; it is the only weed they WILL eat! A couple of years back, I drove my tractor (an ancient thing, which thankfully has a cab) through thickets of it higher than the top of the cabin. To date, it still hasn't come back in that location, though I'm still battling small outbreaks here and there. We also have a couple of ancient mulberry trees - all the loveliness of the berries, but none of the pain of the thorns. But I'm raving again.
Another verbal delight from you. The blank-verse quatrains flow beautifully from one to the next, and the picture you paint of your berrying escapades with your friend is quite delightful.
Terrific job, Tony - Craig
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
|
Blackberry is such a dilemma, as far as I'm concerned. I love the fruit, and absolutely hate the vine. It spreads like nobody's business, thanks in no small part to the birds that love to eat it. As much as I enjoy the fruit, I try to get rid of as much as possible. Our four goats cleaned up a massive jumble of it that was growing right over the top of one of our sheds, for which I'll be forever grateful; it is the only weed they WILL eat! A couple of years back, I drove my tractor (an ancient thing, which thankfully has a cab) through thickets of it higher than the top of the cabin. To date, it still hasn't come back in that location, though I'm still battling small outbreaks here and there. We also have a couple of ancient mulberry trees - all the loveliness of the berries, but none of the pain of the thorns. But I'm raving again.
Another verbal delight from you. The blank-verse quatrains flow beautifully from one to the next, and the picture you paint of your berrying escapades with your friend is quite delightful.
Terrific job, Tony - Craig
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
-
Many thanks for your comments and review, Craig. Blackberries are a real curse here, too, and I am waging a constant war against them. However, I seem to have struck a common chord with this one, dredging up memories and bringing forth personal anecdotes from several reviewers! I have taken up Pantygynt's advice and rearranged the lines into more coherent chunks, rather than into arbitrary quatrains. I have also made a few revisions to the central part of the poem which I hope improves it.
Comment from Badger_29
I love how you mixed all of the different contrasting elements in this. the thorns, the berry juice ,the woods the eucalyptus the aromas friendships and then berries. I think that most readers can communicate with or have had memories of picking blackberries for having other family members pick blackberries and bringing back. I used to pick blackberries with my grandmother, and then with my mother . . Then know we would make black berry pie, or cobblers.
Nicely spaced; enjoyable to read it seemed a bit long at first, but the way you told the tale, it all fits, there's nothing extra
Blessings
Brother Badger
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
|
I love how you mixed all of the different contrasting elements in this. the thorns, the berry juice ,the woods the eucalyptus the aromas friendships and then berries. I think that most readers can communicate with or have had memories of picking blackberries for having other family members pick blackberries and bringing back. I used to pick blackberries with my grandmother, and then with my mother . . Then know we would make black berry pie, or cobblers.
Nicely spaced; enjoyable to read it seemed a bit long at first, but the way you told the tale, it all fits, there's nothing extra
Blessings
Brother Badger
Comment Written 16-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
-
Many thanks for your comments and review, Brother Badger, and for the six stars. I seem to have struck a common chord with this one, dredging up memories and bringing forth personal anecdotes from several reviewers! I have taken up Pantygynt's advice and rearranged the lines into more coherent chunks, rather than into arbitrary quatrains. I have also made a few revisions to the central part of the poem which I hope improves it.
-
I will take another look.
-
Yes, it is improved~
BB
