Dreams are like...
followup to 5/7/5. If dreams57 total reviews
Comment from Dawn Munro
You always manage to come up with something that stirs the heart and mind, at least for me, Roy, and I love this; one small suggestion for stanza one. Since you have "adrift" in the next line, perhaps "wafting cloud" or "wandering cloud" could work for line one? (There's plenty of alliteration without "drifting" anyway, but just a thought. :))
Lovely, as usual!
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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You always manage to come up with something that stirs the heart and mind, at least for me, Roy, and I love this; one small suggestion for stanza one. Since you have "adrift" in the next line, perhaps "wafting cloud" or "wandering cloud" could work for line one? (There's plenty of alliteration without "drifting" anyway, but just a thought. :))
Lovely, as usual!
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks Dear Dawn, , for these delightful comments and super review, and the suggestion, blessings, Roy
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You're very welcome. :)
Comment from Pantygynt
This is a great idea and expressed for the most part delightfully well in this poem. I would however venture to offer two suggestions.
First LL1 and 2:
"A dream is like a drifting cloud
adrift upon a breeze," The closely placed repetition of drift I found somewhat jarring. Might I suggest "...a floating cloud"?
S3, L3 "while thinking it's the sound of wind," My problem with this sound is a colloquialism that may not be apparent where you come from. The sound of wind would here be associated with flatulence! Since we already have "breeze" the following occured to me:
"while thinking it's the Zephyr's sound,"
Just a couple of thoughts.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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This is a great idea and expressed for the most part delightfully well in this poem. I would however venture to offer two suggestions.
First LL1 and 2:
"A dream is like a drifting cloud
adrift upon a breeze," The closely placed repetition of drift I found somewhat jarring. Might I suggest "...a floating cloud"?
S3, L3 "while thinking it's the sound of wind," My problem with this sound is a colloquialism that may not be apparent where you come from. The sound of wind would here be associated with flatulence! Since we already have "breeze" the following occured to me:
"while thinking it's the Zephyr's sound,"
Just a couple of thoughts.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks Jim, , for these excellent comments, suggestions review, most helpful thank you, (I had to laugh at the flatulence, of course flatulece is banned in Australia...like weapons.) blessings, Roy
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Roy;
Dreams do take blood, sweat, and tears to come to life. I've had people tell me that if you have to work that hard at something, it wasn't meant to be. Huh? I believe that anything I don't have to work for is a tainted gift - and probably well left alone.
Beautiful poem,
~patty~
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Hi, Roy;
Dreams do take blood, sweat, and tears to come to life. I've had people tell me that if you have to work that hard at something, it wasn't meant to be. Huh? I believe that anything I don't have to work for is a tainted gift - and probably well left alone.
Beautiful poem,
~patty~
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks Patty, for these delightful comments and super review, blessings, Roy
Comment from Debbie Pope
I like the contrasting images here of a dream as a drifting cloud and of a dream as a seed locked in a box. You could have done a third dream poem, one of the cloud and one of the seed, to contribute to your "if dreams" poem. I like the interplay of a dream drifting and confined in thought. Your poems are always so thoughtful.
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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I like the contrasting images here of a dream as a drifting cloud and of a dream as a seed locked in a box. You could have done a third dream poem, one of the cloud and one of the seed, to contribute to your "if dreams" poem. I like the interplay of a dream drifting and confined in thought. Your poems are always so thoughtful.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2018
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Thank Debbie,, for your wise comments and excellent review, blessings, Roy
Comment from Rasmine
Hello,
Yes, this is the time to act. I have to get going; too many school shooting -- too much violence -- too much terrible things going on. I'm hoping Flower Power can help the children to feel better about themselves.
:)
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Hello,
Yes, this is the time to act. I have to get going; too many school shooting -- too much violence -- too much terrible things going on. I'm hoping Flower Power can help the children to feel better about themselves.
:)
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanksfor these wise comments and super review, blessings, Roy
Comment from brenda bickers
Oh dear Roy,
what would life be if we didn't have dreams. Dreams are what keep us going and in a way are no different from hope. I wonder how many of us actually follow our dreams and make the a reality. I suspect that very few do.
This poem i a delight to read and just confirms what a great poet you really are. Without reading your poetry I would be one dream less in my wish list.
Thank you for the inspiration your work generates.
Your bestest fan. lol
Brenda:))x
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Oh dear Roy,
what would life be if we didn't have dreams. Dreams are what keep us going and in a way are no different from hope. I wonder how many of us actually follow our dreams and make the a reality. I suspect that very few do.
This poem i a delight to read and just confirms what a great poet you really are. Without reading your poetry I would be one dream less in my wish list.
Thank you for the inspiration your work generates.
Your bestest fan. lol
Brenda:))x
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks Brenda, for these delightful comments and super review, blessings, Roy
Comment from tfawcus
I've read one or two poems on this subject recently but none with such powerful metaphors as yours. Your last line sums it up rather well - old time is still a'ticking! We humans have the marvellous gift of being able to dream, but dreams in themselves are nothing unless acted upon.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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I've read one or two poems on this subject recently but none with such powerful metaphors as yours. Your last line sums it up rather well - old time is still a'ticking! We humans have the marvellous gift of being able to dream, but dreams in themselves are nothing unless acted upon.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks Tony, for these delightful comments and super review, blessings, Roy
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written poem about dreams that can only realize when we are working on them to bring forth the results we are dreaming of. When we keep our dream locked up, nothing will ever happen.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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A very well-written poem about dreams that can only realize when we are working on them to bring forth the results we are dreaming of. When we keep our dream locked up, nothing will ever happen.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks Sandra, for these delightful comments and super review, blessings, Roy
Comment from jenintorre
Hi Roy
I enjoyed reading your poem about dreams and could so relate to it. I regret not following up many dreams that I've had although I once followed up one and it worked so maybe it's not too late. Nice one. Jen.
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Hi Roy
I enjoyed reading your poem about dreams and could so relate to it. I regret not following up many dreams that I've had although I once followed up one and it worked so maybe it's not too late. Nice one. Jen.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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It's never too late Jen, dreams can't tell the time.
Comment from rama devi
Charming and witty. I enjoyed reading this aloud--fluid flow and fine rhyming, dear. Nice presentation too.
Love the alliteration of D, consonance of L, T, S and F in this stanza:
A dream is like a drifting cloud
adrift upon a breeze,
it has no goal or purpose, and
reality's a tease.
Nice personification:
Fun lines...note one spag:
If faith has legs to walk on roofs
'twill always seize its goal;
B(b)ut you will never soar on heights
while sitting on a pole.
Two more spag suggestions:
Though most of us will miss that mark;(,)
we hear a distant voice.(;)
while thinking it's the sound of wind,
we never make faith's choice.
Good rhymes and substance and medley of S and EE sounds:
But have you heard that still small plea
that rustles in the trees?
It tirelessly talks to your heart...
a substance you can seize.
Excellent metaphor:
A dream remains confined to thought
a seed locked in a box.
Excellent extension of the metaphor and fine alliteration of D and C in a good closing AHA:
Don't let it die, just grasp that dream --
'cause time's contained in clocks.
Very fine quote with your poem.
I read this with blinders but see your name in the notes, and it does not surprise me you write an eloquent, meaningful work. Bravo.
Blessings, rd
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Charming and witty. I enjoyed reading this aloud--fluid flow and fine rhyming, dear. Nice presentation too.
Love the alliteration of D, consonance of L, T, S and F in this stanza:
A dream is like a drifting cloud
adrift upon a breeze,
it has no goal or purpose, and
reality's a tease.
Nice personification:
Fun lines...note one spag:
If faith has legs to walk on roofs
'twill always seize its goal;
B(b)ut you will never soar on heights
while sitting on a pole.
Two more spag suggestions:
Though most of us will miss that mark;(,)
we hear a distant voice.(;)
while thinking it's the sound of wind,
we never make faith's choice.
Good rhymes and substance and medley of S and EE sounds:
But have you heard that still small plea
that rustles in the trees?
It tirelessly talks to your heart...
a substance you can seize.
Excellent metaphor:
A dream remains confined to thought
a seed locked in a box.
Excellent extension of the metaphor and fine alliteration of D and C in a good closing AHA:
Don't let it die, just grasp that dream --
'cause time's contained in clocks.
Very fine quote with your poem.
I read this with blinders but see your name in the notes, and it does not surprise me you write an eloquent, meaningful work. Bravo.
Blessings, rd
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks RD, you're such a help dear girl, and such a boost to my confidence, you are so kind and so helpful, an excellent example, bless you Roy
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Aw, thanks! I think the very same of you. Bless you! rd
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Good girl
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:-))))
