Bittersweet Revenge
Viewing comments for Chapter 16 "Teary Farewell"She's back ready for revenge.
8 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Well-written instalment chock full of emotion stuff. Nice
"If you must know, I came to see my friend Debbie in 114. - need closing speech marks here.
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2018
  |
Well-written instalment chock full of emotion stuff. Nice
"If you must know, I came to see my friend Debbie in 114. - need closing speech marks here.
Comment Written 18-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 18-Feb-2018
-
Thank you so much for your kind review and catching the missing speech mark. I really do appreciate all your help. Take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
"Wait, you didn't answer me. Who killed those men?"
"We all did."
Wow! What a great surprise! All done with the same MO but by diff DNA. So clever! Bravo. You're a genius. :)
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
 |
"Wait, you didn't answer me. Who killed those men?"
"We all did."
Wow! What a great surprise! All done with the same MO but by diff DNA. So clever! Bravo. You're a genius. :)
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
-
Thank you so much for your six-star review, I'm so glad you liked it. It was a lot of fun to write, trying to keep you guys guessing. Getting Ideas from your comments.
Thank you again for all your support and wonderful, six-star. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from royowen
It looks like she's backed her mother, her aunt and her cousin Emma, but Joe is extremely suspicious of Rachel, it's getting more complex, poor
Rachel, innocent but in a real quandary now, exciting my friend, well done, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
|
It looks like she's backed her mother, her aunt and her cousin Emma, but Joe is extremely suspicious of Rachel, it's getting more complex, poor
Rachel, innocent but in a real quandary now, exciting my friend, well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
-
Thank you so much for your review, I'm glad you enjoyed the story. Yeah, Joe is suspicious but with nothing to go on, there's not a lot he can do.
Thank you again for all your help and support, take care.
-
Well done
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
so through out your mystery story you never told us that Rachel's mother and and her Aunt both faked their death, so they could kill the Carlos gang who were actually the perverts.
I say you ended it well leaving me believe Rachel was not connected with the killings .
Gert
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
|
Hello Mistydawn
so through out your mystery story you never told us that Rachel's mother and and her Aunt both faked their death, so they could kill the Carlos gang who were actually the perverts.
I say you ended it well leaving me believe Rachel was not connected with the killings .
Gert
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
-
Thank you so much for such a fantastic review. I am so glad you liked it. I tried hard to keep you guessing. Thank you so much for challenging me, make me work harder. I need the kick in the seat.
Thank you again for all your support, take care
Ps. I'm going to have two new ones coming out, a play and a story. The story Town Slayer is about another female serial killer, getting justice for abused woman. The play What Goes Around is a family being slaughtered, the police have to figure out why and who.
-
You are welcome Mistydawn I will be waiting
Gert
Comment from Natali Holden
Was this supposed to be the end? I think you should clarify either that they completed killing all of his gang or that the police catches them. That way you kind of know who wins in the end. Or you could do a sequel if they haven't finished their task yet. It's just a little hard to actually tell that it's over. Other than that, it's great! I didn't expect the killer. Basically you suspect it's one of the four, just not all of them (except Rachel, other than she did help at the end). Excellent chapter!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
|
Was this supposed to be the end? I think you should clarify either that they completed killing all of his gang or that the police catches them. That way you kind of know who wins in the end. Or you could do a sequel if they haven't finished their task yet. It's just a little hard to actually tell that it's over. Other than that, it's great! I didn't expect the killer. Basically you suspect it's one of the four, just not all of them (except Rachel, other than she did help at the end). Excellent chapter!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
-
Thank you so much for your kind review I'm glad you enjoyed it. I left it open for a possible sequel down the road. How would you suggest I rework the ending knowing that?
Thank you again for alll your support, take care.
-
I think you should at least have them finish their mission for now. Maybe when they?re talking to Rachel have one of them mention that they killed all of his gang. Then at the end you could change it to, ?Starting her car Rachel tearfully pulls out of the lot. We're all a little safer, for now...? That would leave it open to a sequel. The police would still be after them and even after killing all their targets, if they saw something else happen like what happened to Emma or Rachel, they?d probably go on a killing spree again. Especially if it happened to one of them.
Natali ;)
Comment from Ric Myworld
How convenient, I mean, her friend Debbie staying there at the motel where her family members are hiding out. Whatever works, I always say. Thanks for sharing. :-)
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
|
How convenient, I mean, her friend Debbie staying there at the motel where her family members are hiding out. Whatever works, I always say. Thanks for sharing. :-)
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
-
Thank you for your kind review. I'm guessing you liked it?
She was fortunate to have an alibi. Even though she really didn't need one, being cleared of the murders, no way to show she has any knowledge of them and the motel being open to the public, what're the cops going to do arrest her for suspicion with nothing to substantiate their claim? It would've been more believable if I put that in instead of the Debbie claim wouldn't it? Hmm. Thanks for bringing that up. and thank you so much for all your support, it means a lot to me.
-
Yes, I like it! You have a special way of making the reader believe you have lived your stories or know what you are talking about. To me the key is making it believable. That's why so many writers, including myself, have a tendency to add segments of truth to their fiction. Great job. :-)
Comment from Ricky1024
Terry farewell was well-written I enjoy this it was rich in semen imagery of course as well as a check to an object of contents which blend in perfectly descriptive measures a lined also with this thanks talk to Ricky 1024 and have a blessed holiday
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
|
Terry farewell was well-written I enjoy this it was rich in semen imagery of course as well as a check to an object of contents which blend in perfectly descriptive measures a lined also with this thanks talk to Ricky 1024 and have a blessed holiday
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
-
Thank you so much for your kind review and encouraging words, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, take care.
Comment from apky
I totally understand how Rachel behaves in the end. She understood, and this was her own flesh and blood, no matter what.
A really fast and engaging chapter, well written. Except for the little nits below.
Rachel has come up with several ways to get out of this mess, but with a gun pressed against her head;(here the comma would be sufficient, instead of the semi) she figures it's best not to attempt any heroic measures.
"Pull in here," Shei(Sheri) says
She pushes her gun in further( I'd use "harder" instead of further, unless Rachel's back has great mounds of flesh and fat for the gun to nose in deeper).
I had to see a damn shrink because of what you did to me.(") Rachel steps towards her Aunt. (")You've got some nerve making us care for Emma knowing damn well we couldn't care for ourselves. We went days without eating, months without electricity, or water because of you. And you Emma, you had me worried sick, thinking you're in the hands of a killer. As far as I'm concerned you're dead to me; each and every one of you, dead, and I hope all of you rot in hell.(")
"I(I'll) have you know this woman has been through hell for you."
"I(I'm) part of what, I don't know what you're talking about?"
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
|
I totally understand how Rachel behaves in the end. She understood, and this was her own flesh and blood, no matter what.
A really fast and engaging chapter, well written. Except for the little nits below.
Rachel has come up with several ways to get out of this mess, but with a gun pressed against her head;(here the comma would be sufficient, instead of the semi) she figures it's best not to attempt any heroic measures.
"Pull in here," Shei(Sheri) says
She pushes her gun in further( I'd use "harder" instead of further, unless Rachel's back has great mounds of flesh and fat for the gun to nose in deeper).
I had to see a damn shrink because of what you did to me.(") Rachel steps towards her Aunt. (")You've got some nerve making us care for Emma knowing damn well we couldn't care for ourselves. We went days without eating, months without electricity, or water because of you. And you Emma, you had me worried sick, thinking you're in the hands of a killer. As far as I'm concerned you're dead to me; each and every one of you, dead, and I hope all of you rot in hell.(")
"I(I'll) have you know this woman has been through hell for you."
"I(I'm) part of what, I don't know what you're talking about?"
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
-
Thank you so much for your wonderful review, your help, and continuous support, It's always greatly appreciated.
Did it all make sense to you, did I wrap it all up, answer all your questions? Is there something I didn't address?
Thanks again for all your help and support, take care.
