Bone orchard
Bitter summer love remembered.16 total reviews
Comment from Sis Cat
A brilliant poem about the bitter memories of summer love remembered. Reading your free verse, I get a sense of the bones of the brokenhearted being ground up into fertilizer. Your verse is filled with tactile, sensory details:
I broke the green stem
and drank the milk of dandelions.
(I used to do that!)
I hid my heart in the golden combs of the bees.
I climbed and slept at night in the fork of the oak.
(Delicious!) Then your poem takes a dark turn as you describe the regrets and pain of the brokenhearted:
Neglect and regret and forgetfulness
and dismembering of summer and green corn
when the whole world spooned under a butter moon.
Your words ache with pain and beauty, exquisite pain and beauty that are tremulous, tender, raw.
The end of "another lover's tryst" nevertheless is like the death of the bereaved. You conclude with an image of bones:
What will they see when they find my bones
buried in this winter orchard.
A caged bird(')s cage
or the chewy toothmarks of a predator
like a scrimshawed scar?
That final image of the predator's toothmarks on the bones is amazing. The person was chewed up and spat out by the lover. Your closing words form an epitaph and an unanswered question.
I only suggest an apostrophe for "bird's cage."
Thank you for sharing your hypnotic verse. I enjoyed and felt it.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2018
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A brilliant poem about the bitter memories of summer love remembered. Reading your free verse, I get a sense of the bones of the brokenhearted being ground up into fertilizer. Your verse is filled with tactile, sensory details:
I broke the green stem
and drank the milk of dandelions.
(I used to do that!)
I hid my heart in the golden combs of the bees.
I climbed and slept at night in the fork of the oak.
(Delicious!) Then your poem takes a dark turn as you describe the regrets and pain of the brokenhearted:
Neglect and regret and forgetfulness
and dismembering of summer and green corn
when the whole world spooned under a butter moon.
Your words ache with pain and beauty, exquisite pain and beauty that are tremulous, tender, raw.
The end of "another lover's tryst" nevertheless is like the death of the bereaved. You conclude with an image of bones:
What will they see when they find my bones
buried in this winter orchard.
A caged bird(')s cage
or the chewy toothmarks of a predator
like a scrimshawed scar?
That final image of the predator's toothmarks on the bones is amazing. The person was chewed up and spat out by the lover. Your closing words form an epitaph and an unanswered question.
I only suggest an apostrophe for "bird's cage."
Thank you for sharing your hypnotic verse. I enjoyed and felt it.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2018
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Thank you. I so very much enjoyed reading your comments. I also read several of your poems to confirm my first impressions of you i.e. a poet of merit with an old souls eyes.
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Thank you. I am honored.
Comment from cailinraine8
Fantastic imagery, ... choice of phrase that jolts the reader into deeper thought, and shocks us into a realization of the connection between lovers and the elements in eloquent word and placement
This shows the high level of talent, eloquence, and articulate expression that one does not find very often. Quite amazing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2018
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Fantastic imagery, ... choice of phrase that jolts the reader into deeper thought, and shocks us into a realization of the connection between lovers and the elements in eloquent word and placement
This shows the high level of talent, eloquence, and articulate expression that one does not find very often. Quite amazing. I look forward to reading more of your work.
Comment Written 23-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 24-Feb-2018
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Thank you for your generous review. I hope my writing can continue to live up to such high praise. I do firmly believe to achieve anything in life though we must set our goals high.
Comment from Harry Smith
This is a very interesting poem. I read it twice and I got something different each time. I really like the writers writing and I will be back to read more of your work. I like this poem because if is so different!
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This is a very interesting poem. I read it twice and I got something different each time. I really like the writers writing and I will be back to read more of your work. I like this poem because if is so different!
Comment Written 23-Feb-2018
Comment from Kathy Allmon
I love how you use all senses. I can almost the cherries and honey. I love the artwork you chose as well. It flows throughout and I admit there are words that I have heard of but can't quite put my finger on their meaning. Good use of word choice.
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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I love how you use all senses. I can almost the cherries and honey. I love the artwork you chose as well. It flows throughout and I admit there are words that I have heard of but can't quite put my finger on their meaning. Good use of word choice.
Comment Written 20-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Thank you for your very kind words and sympathetic ear.
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It is a gift to read peoples writings. I always learn something from each author.
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I did not see any problem at all. Stay true to yourself and keep writing.
Comment from Ricky1024
This is an artistic achievements bringing forth Spring's many pleasures.
Forcing it...
Playing in it..
This was deeply written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well, read well, with no grammar issues.
As well...
Both the Objective and Adjective Content was aligned well with Descriptive Measures firmly in place.
Thanks for this and have a blessed day!
Dr. Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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This is an artistic achievements bringing forth Spring's many pleasures.
Forcing it...
Playing in it..
This was deeply written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well, read well, with no grammar issues.
As well...
Both the Objective and Adjective Content was aligned well with Descriptive Measures firmly in place.
Thanks for this and have a blessed day!
Dr. Ricky 1024
Comment Written 20-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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Your welcome as always and a blessed day back to you for sure.
Comment from friartuck
You have captured and distilled it! We face another spring, a season for growing and being alive, and up to now it has been that, but this time we awakened too late, and she's gone off with another, and that last simile says it all - "scrimshawed scars" left by that common predator, age.
Excellent!
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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You have captured and distilled it! We face another spring, a season for growing and being alive, and up to now it has been that, but this time we awakened too late, and she's gone off with another, and that last simile says it all - "scrimshawed scars" left by that common predator, age.
Excellent!
Comment Written 20-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 21-Feb-2018
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You are a very deep thinker and I am pleased my poem touched something in you. Many smiles and blessings back.!
Comment from Liberty Justice
"I taste cherries and I taste honey," seems like character ate off fat of the land and lived in the woods until some wolf caught him and devoured him; then, his bones were found in the dirt. Very interesting write. liberty justice
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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"I taste cherries and I taste honey," seems like character ate off fat of the land and lived in the woods until some wolf caught him and devoured him; then, his bones were found in the dirt. Very interesting write. liberty justice
Comment Written 17-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Your name has two words I really believe in and especially the freedom to write. Now let me freely express my thanks.
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Comment from bmethner
Wonderfully powerful poem. The inner rhyme and the assonance created a rich melody for the piece. I love the line, "the godspell gossip of spring". It is easily relatable as we all wonder how did we become so brittle. I enjoyed reading it.
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Wonderfully powerful poem. The inner rhyme and the assonance created a rich melody for the piece. I love the line, "the godspell gossip of spring". It is easily relatable as we all wonder how did we become so brittle. I enjoyed reading it.
Comment Written 17-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Your joy is my joy now. Thank you for reading.
Comment from Ogden
A ton of imagery emanating from a plenteous, melancholy, seemingly surrealistic stream of consciousness. I consider it quite painterly.
Don (aka Ogden)
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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A ton of imagery emanating from a plenteous, melancholy, seemingly surrealistic stream of consciousness. I consider it quite painterly.
Don (aka Ogden)
Comment Written 17-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 20-Feb-2018
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Loved your comments. A writer's keystrokes are his brushstrokes.
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Exactly!
Comment from Mrs. KT
Hello!
What an incredible poem of "bitter summer love remembered." Each line is powerful and creates such vibrant visual imagery. My favorite passage:
I touch the trumpet mouthed daffodils that tattle
to everyone that will listen
the Godspell gossip of spring.
While bitter, your offering is also incredibly poignant and moving. Thank you for sharing your story and talent!
diane
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Hello!
What an incredible poem of "bitter summer love remembered." Each line is powerful and creates such vibrant visual imagery. My favorite passage:
I touch the trumpet mouthed daffodils that tattle
to everyone that will listen
the Godspell gossip of spring.
While bitter, your offering is also incredibly poignant and moving. Thank you for sharing your story and talent!
diane
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thank you for your kind review. It moves me to move you
