Inner and Outer Space
Viewing comments for Chapter 6 "The Man Machine"science fiction
7 total reviews
Comment from Jasmine Girl
This is now a good prediction for our future. I hope in some way, you are wrong. I think the AI will be much smart and will make our life more flexible and fun. Otherwise what else should we occupy our time besides watching Netflix, using Peloton to exercise and Amazon to buy stuff. The newer apps like TicTok are more additive and fun that make you want to use it. I think the apps are going to that direction, which is more scary. Nothing will be forced and nothing will be so rigid. Who knows. You got right in many aspects like the autonomous car coming to pick us up.
Well done.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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This is now a good prediction for our future. I hope in some way, you are wrong. I think the AI will be much smart and will make our life more flexible and fun. Otherwise what else should we occupy our time besides watching Netflix, using Peloton to exercise and Amazon to buy stuff. The newer apps like TicTok are more additive and fun that make you want to use it. I think the apps are going to that direction, which is more scary. Nothing will be forced and nothing will be so rigid. Who knows. You got right in many aspects like the autonomous car coming to pick us up.
Well done.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2020
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2020
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your perspective on this weird little story. I guess I don't share your optimism about technology. I'd rather be out hiking in the mountains than watching people make fools of themselves on tiktok. Technology is a man made thing and hence subject to the corruption and failings of mankind. But our brains are wired to be attracted to signs of intelligence and pattern, and that's why we have people who spend more time playing with their phones than interacting with their kids. estory
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I'm a nature lover, too and have been doing outdoor exercise since I was 16 years old, most running then and now branch into many other type of exercise. I have never stopped. Since I moved here in Minnesota, I have been going outside everyday no matter how cold. Nowadays I go outside twice a day. I have hiked in many mountains like Yellow Stone, Glacial Nation Parks, Yosemite, Gran Canyon, Sangre de Cristo Mountains in New Mexico, Red Rocks in Sedona, Arizona, mountains in Virginia, all the islands in Hawaii, Seattle, Montana, North Dakota and the North shore and south shore of Lake Superior. I will hike for about two to three hours today.
I don't use the technology that much. But it will come whether you like it or not.
Comment from Ulla
Hi estory, yeah the danger is that we'll be taken over by computers. It's a well written piece, but I think it suffered from some very long paragraphs and too little conversation. But I really liked the message you wanted to convey. All the best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Hi estory, yeah the danger is that we'll be taken over by computers. It's a well written piece, but I think it suffered from some very long paragraphs and too little conversation. But I really liked the message you wanted to convey. All the best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your comments and suggestions supporting the piece. It is a bit unpolished, went through an extensive rewrite prior to posting, basically reworking the whole plot. But I am glad the message resonated so well. the story is probably the weakest in this series, and it did better than I expected. But these things often surprise you. thanks again estory
Comment from Ricky1024
The man Machine written by you story was very well written rich and seeing the world imagery grammar was perfect here and there wasn't any issues with that as a fluid very well ejective an object accountants also were perfect if the measures of the line wonderfully here also and thanks for just talked to Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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The man Machine written by you story was very well written rich and seeing the world imagery grammar was perfect here and there wasn't any issues with that as a fluid very well ejective an object accountants also were perfect if the measures of the line wonderfully here also and thanks for just talked to Ricky 1024
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and your comments supporting this story estory
Comment from Winslow
Dear estory,
Have you seen the movie Her? Unfortunately, like it and your story indicates we maybe headed for a bland , vanilla existence. Having computers controlling our lives is frightening since they don't experience emotions.
This could be improved by tightening, eliminating ly words (they add nothing and slow the reader, and avoiding repetition.
For instance here is a suggested edit for this section.
Complaining would be futile. Taylor chewed his food and drank his juice.
"Computer, shop for groceries, please."
"Compiling grocery list," the computer answered in a monotone.
"Can you add one six pack of beer and one box of cookies?"
"Request denied. Health indicators out of compliance. Substituting one six pack pomegranate juice and one box kiwis."
Taylor sighed. He took a few mouthfuls of the unflavored oats and chewed.
"Computer, mail, please.
I hope this helps.
Happy Valentine's Day,
Winslow
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Dear estory,
Have you seen the movie Her? Unfortunately, like it and your story indicates we maybe headed for a bland , vanilla existence. Having computers controlling our lives is frightening since they don't experience emotions.
This could be improved by tightening, eliminating ly words (they add nothing and slow the reader, and avoiding repetition.
For instance here is a suggested edit for this section.
Complaining would be futile. Taylor chewed his food and drank his juice.
"Computer, shop for groceries, please."
"Compiling grocery list," the computer answered in a monotone.
"Can you add one six pack of beer and one box of cookies?"
"Request denied. Health indicators out of compliance. Substituting one six pack pomegranate juice and one box kiwis."
Taylor sighed. He took a few mouthfuls of the unflavored oats and chewed.
"Computer, mail, please.
I hope this helps.
Happy Valentine's Day,
Winslow
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thanks so much for the five star review and all your comments and suggestions supporting this little story. It is probably going to be polished up at some point, this is a little raw, as it went through a pretty extensive rewrite prior to posting in which I basically redid the whole plot and format. But I am glad the message resonated so well. It is a scary world that people are racing into, for the sake of personal convenience. estory
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Of course this is purely author's choice but 3,7 seemed a slightly awkward way of represented the designation. Perhaps 3-7?
Quirky little snap-shot here. More of a character study and cautionary commentary.
"Request permitted" a monotone - insert a comma before the closing speech marks here.
Temperatures will rise into the mid 70's by noon / cool with lows in the lower sixties - it's probably best to maintain the presentation the same way 70's/60's, or seventies/sixties rather than mixing them.
few days will continue is this fair pattern - in this?
Breakfast will consist of orange juice, oat bran with milk, an apple - would orange juice and apple not affect the already poor blood sugar levels?
It set the condiments on the table without a comment - the food aren't condiments - a substance such as salt or ketchup that is used to add flavour to food.
"And one box of cookies?' - change the closing speech marks to match the opening ones.
"Request denied," The computer replied - the.
A drone went passed - past.
The 'sex' scene reminded me a little of 'Demolition Man'. lol
All the best
G
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Hi there,
Of course this is purely author's choice but 3,7 seemed a slightly awkward way of represented the designation. Perhaps 3-7?
Quirky little snap-shot here. More of a character study and cautionary commentary.
"Request permitted" a monotone - insert a comma before the closing speech marks here.
Temperatures will rise into the mid 70's by noon / cool with lows in the lower sixties - it's probably best to maintain the presentation the same way 70's/60's, or seventies/sixties rather than mixing them.
few days will continue is this fair pattern - in this?
Breakfast will consist of orange juice, oat bran with milk, an apple - would orange juice and apple not affect the already poor blood sugar levels?
It set the condiments on the table without a comment - the food aren't condiments - a substance such as salt or ketchup that is used to add flavour to food.
"And one box of cookies?' - change the closing speech marks to match the opening ones.
"Request denied," The computer replied - the.
A drone went passed - past.
The 'sex' scene reminded me a little of 'Demolition Man'. lol
All the best
G
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thanks so much for the good review and all your comments and suggestions. This was really a minimalist write. Probably the weakest in the collection, but I thought it had its place as a commentary on the direction the world is going; very Orwellian. I will probably edit it and sharpen it up sometime in the future, maybe flesh it out a bit more. This was the least polished of the series and went through an extensive rewrite prior to post. estory
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This speaks progression and domination of machine over man, maybe man is likely to be cyborgs; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. KEEP WRITING, TIP CHANGING. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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This speaks progression and domination of machine over man, maybe man is likely to be cyborgs; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. KEEP WRITING, TIP CHANGING. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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thanks so much for the excellent review and all your comments supporting this piece. It was a Spartan write, very minimalist, a grim view of a future that eerily seems well on its way. A cautionary tale, perhaps estory
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
This strange little story is a view of the future in which machines have progressed through the ever convenience seeking human race, until they have come to dominate him. Indeed, people have become cyborgs, living beings plugged into machines and manipulated by machines for maximum efficiency, as machines logically apply themselves'. So sorry I have no sixes. I loved this futuristic write. I am just reading George Orwell's 1984 for the second time co-incidentally. A lot of what you have written may come to pass. It is chilling what already has but humanity, I believe will destroy itself. A brilliant write kindest and warmest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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This strange little story is a view of the future in which machines have progressed through the ever convenience seeking human race, until they have come to dominate him. Indeed, people have become cyborgs, living beings plugged into machines and manipulated by machines for maximum efficiency, as machines logically apply themselves'. So sorry I have no sixes. I loved this futuristic write. I am just reading George Orwell's 1984 for the second time co-incidentally. A lot of what you have written may come to pass. It is chilling what already has but humanity, I believe will destroy itself. A brilliant write kindest and warmest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your comments supporting the piece. I think you got exactly what I was trying to get across; this scary machine dominated future that we are building around ourselves, controlling every aspect of our lives for maximum efficiency. I think it was a bit rushed, I may edit it and polish it up a bit at some point. God will have to intervene. Just don't get that chip on your head or hand. Once you are a cyborg, you are beyond help. estory
