haiku (hepatica blooms)
haiku: rebirth28 total reviews
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Diane, your haiku is a lovely harbinger of Spring--something you folks really need right now. Nine straight days of snow in Chicago? Yuck!
Because two lines need to be grammatically connected, I'd move the colon to the end of the first line. It saves the need for a verb. Just a thought...
Good luck in the contest! :) Nancy
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Diane, your haiku is a lovely harbinger of Spring--something you folks really need right now. Nine straight days of snow in Chicago? Yuck!
Because two lines need to be grammatically connected, I'd move the colon to the end of the first line. It saves the need for a verb. Just a thought...
Good luck in the contest! :) Nancy
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hello Nancy!
Whew!
This offering has been a struggle for me!
Thank you for your incredibly exceptional review.
I am wondering if I even need the colon.
In my mind, "blooms" is a verb in this sense:
hepatica blooms
woodlands' first colorful breath:
tenacious herald
And the colon sets off the satori that this dainty looking little flower is one heck of a courageous fighter and harbinger of spring.
Oh my goodness!
Thank you for appreciating!
diane
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Ah! I read it differently. In that case, no colon is needed. If you're allowed notes in the contest, let the reader know "blooms" is a verb and not a noun. Definitely makes a difference. Good luck! :) N
Comment from Ogden
A very pleasant haiku.
I don't believe I have had the pleasure of an introduction to the dainty Miss Hepatica. Although I spent several years in Michigan, unfortunately, I never did meander very far north.
Don (Ogden)
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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A very pleasant haiku.
I don't believe I have had the pleasure of an introduction to the dainty Miss Hepatica. Although I spent several years in Michigan, unfortunately, I never did meander very far north.
Don (Ogden)
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hello Don!
So pleased you enjoyed. We won't be seeing "Miss Hepatica" for at last six more weeks, but she is a beauty!
Thank you!
diane
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You are very welcome, Diane.
Enjoy her when she arrives!
Don
Comment from Debbie Pope
I love your poem and the tenacious hepatica. I look for them on early spring hikes.
They are quite the herald. Thank you for this sweet poem. Good luck in the competition.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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I love your poem and the tenacious hepatica. I look for them on early spring hikes.
They are quite the herald. Thank you for this sweet poem. Good luck in the competition.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hello Debbie!
So pleased you appreciate my offering and are familiar with hepatica!
Many thanks,
diane
Comment from WalkerMan
Certainly it is pleasing to see these flowers emerging to show us better than any groundhog can that Spring is nigh, even though we my still see some cold and/or snowy days before Winter fully relinquishes its grip. Well done haiku form, and aptly illustrated.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Certainly it is pleasing to see these flowers emerging to show us better than any groundhog can that Spring is nigh, even though we my still see some cold and/or snowy days before Winter fully relinquishes its grip. Well done haiku form, and aptly illustrated.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hello Mike!
They are definitely some of my favorites! I am eagerly awaiting their arrival!
Thank you for your kind review!
diane
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You are welcome, Diane. It must be pretty to see many of them on the forest floor in early Spring. -- Mike
Comment from rama devi
Hi dear. This is a lovely presentation and haiku subject choice. I like the personification, even though that device is taboo in haiku (it's a rule I break often too). however, there are other rules of haiku this breaks - like using no caps. For Hepatica, perhaps, the cap is good as a proper noun but tenacious and winter need not be capped. Also, the first two lines do not seem to me to be grammatically connected, which they should be in haiku. So I am thinking you might rework line two so it connects with line one...and perhaps so it doesn't require OF, which is the only filler word in the poem, which otherwise has superb word economy. Example:
Hepatica blooms
herald tenacious spring light
winter's woes vanquished
Or, with A instead of OF:
Hepatica blooms
herald tenacious a spring
winter's woes vanquished
Very fine alliteraiton of W and consonance e of T and L and S.
This is good, but has room for fine tuning. Five stars in advance...
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2018
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Hi dear. This is a lovely presentation and haiku subject choice. I like the personification, even though that device is taboo in haiku (it's a rule I break often too). however, there are other rules of haiku this breaks - like using no caps. For Hepatica, perhaps, the cap is good as a proper noun but tenacious and winter need not be capped. Also, the first two lines do not seem to me to be grammatically connected, which they should be in haiku. So I am thinking you might rework line two so it connects with line one...and perhaps so it doesn't require OF, which is the only filler word in the poem, which otherwise has superb word economy. Example:
Hepatica blooms
herald tenacious spring light
winter's woes vanquished
Or, with A instead of OF:
Hepatica blooms
herald tenacious a spring
winter's woes vanquished
Very fine alliteraiton of W and consonance e of T and L and S.
This is good, but has room for fine tuning. Five stars in advance...
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2018
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Thank you ever so much, rama devi!
I will definitely fine tune!
Whew!
diane
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:-))))
Comment from Trudi Perkins
This is a beautiful poem you've written and an awesome picture you chose to post with this too. This should do you well in the contest too.Thanks for sharing your craft with us.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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This is a beautiful poem you've written and an awesome picture you chose to post with this too. This should do you well in the contest too.Thanks for sharing your craft with us.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hello Trudi!
Many thanks for your kind and thoughtful review.
diane
Comment from writerjen
What a beautiful flower. I'm unfamiliar with the name, looks like a flower the blooms in the forest. Lovely haiku about this flower. I like those tenacious flowers that shoot up in the cool, damp spring. They give me hope that spring really will come. You've captured the sense of this in your poem...I'm ready for winter to be vanquished. Good luck in the contest.
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reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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What a beautiful flower. I'm unfamiliar with the name, looks like a flower the blooms in the forest. Lovely haiku about this flower. I like those tenacious flowers that shoot up in the cool, damp spring. They give me hope that spring really will come. You've captured the sense of this in your poem...I'm ready for winter to be vanquished. Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hello writerjen!
Hepatica is definitely the first beauty to appear in my woodland gardens.
Thank you for your thoughtful review!
diane
Comment from Teri7
Diane, This is a very beautiful and well written haiku poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and lovely art work of the pretty flowers! Best wishes in the contest my friend! Teri
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Diane, This is a very beautiful and well written haiku poem you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive words and lovely art work of the pretty flowers! Best wishes in the contest my friend! Teri
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hello Teri!
So pleased you enjoyed! Thank you!
diane
