Unleashed Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 46 "Attack of the Hybrids/Part Three"A Novel of the Breedline Series
6 total reviews
Comment from apky
There is so much emotion in this chapter, I was near tears the whole time I read. You did a brilliant job of mingling love and dislike, perhaps even hate, zipiing between the characters back and forth: the men, the women, the little ones. It is such a touching chapter, darling.
I'm hoping with all I am that Mia and Eve with the children reach the Covenant safely.
"If that fat ass isn't dead... he'll spill his guts (delete-to; insert-about) our whereabouts."
"You need to calm down(,) Fredrick,"
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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There is so much emotion in this chapter, I was near tears the whole time I read. You did a brilliant job of mingling love and dislike, perhaps even hate, zipiing between the characters back and forth: the men, the women, the little ones. It is such a touching chapter, darling.
I'm hoping with all I am that Mia and Eve with the children reach the Covenant safely.
"If that fat ass isn't dead... he'll spill his guts (delete-to; insert-about) our whereabouts."
"You need to calm down(,) Fredrick,"
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Awww... thank you so much dear friend :)
This chapter has a lot of movement involved, switching back and forth between the characters, I'm not sure how I keep them all straight. LOL!
I sure appreciate your kind review and as always your helpful tips. It is a pleasure hearing from you. I am truly blessed.
Thanks again my friend.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
Comment from royowen
So Sebastion has realised he has been lied to by his brother, that Crane has probably got Lilith and Tessa. Indeed where to frome here?
Eve manages to get Arius to translate Tidus and her into finding Mia, Arius heals Mia enough to make.her be aware of Eve and the twins presence. And then Eve mentions Natalie to tides and they all varnish through another portal, hopefully to find Natalie. Well done dear Shana, you're writing so well, a fascinating tale. The characters are fascinating, with extraordinary gifts, a fascinating Webb of intrigue, this is wonderful writing dear girl, well done. Blessings Roy
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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So Sebastion has realised he has been lied to by his brother, that Crane has probably got Lilith and Tessa. Indeed where to frome here?
Eve manages to get Arius to translate Tidus and her into finding Mia, Arius heals Mia enough to make.her be aware of Eve and the twins presence. And then Eve mentions Natalie to tides and they all varnish through another portal, hopefully to find Natalie. Well done dear Shana, you're writing so well, a fascinating tale. The characters are fascinating, with extraordinary gifts, a fascinating Webb of intrigue, this is wonderful writing dear girl, well done. Blessings Roy
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Thank you, Roy :)
I know this one was long, and I thank you for taking your precious time to read my story. You're always so kind to me. I do truly appreciate your dedication. I'm always grateful for having such talent as you give me wonderful feedback and awesome ratings.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Well done Shana
Comment from rwilliam
Another scary awesome photo!!
I don't know if this is in the book or work you are still critiquing but this line jumped out at me: For a moment Thomas worried he might do something crazy like fall to the floor. The world 'crazy' bothers me when all that he is worried about is him falling to the floor. I think removing it would sound better. But not a big issue. :-)
I can see your sweetie's influence in your story. That's fun to read.
Great chapter. Full of drama and emotion. I loved the ending. Great job.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Another scary awesome photo!!
I don't know if this is in the book or work you are still critiquing but this line jumped out at me: For a moment Thomas worried he might do something crazy like fall to the floor. The world 'crazy' bothers me when all that he is worried about is him falling to the floor. I think removing it would sound better. But not a big issue. :-)
I can see your sweetie's influence in your story. That's fun to read.
Great chapter. Full of drama and emotion. I loved the ending. Great job.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Awww... thanks girl! :)
You're so kind! I'm sorry this one was long, but some chapters are 5-6 pages. Thanks for your time and awesome review. And I love your advice and feedback. This is the only reason I stay on FanStory. I am continuing to learn so I can grow.
BTW... glad you liked the photo. The hybrids are very scary.
Just letting you know... I am grateful for all that you have done to help me. Every bit makes the difference.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Natali Holden
Yes! Now maybe they'll all be able to find a way to save Jace and Tessa and Lilith even. Portals are definitely handy. Since they are in this hour of need, maybe they will let Eve join them at least for now until after they rescue everyone else. Wonderful chapter! Can't wait for more!
Natali ;)
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Yes! Now maybe they'll all be able to find a way to save Jace and Tessa and Lilith even. Portals are definitely handy. Since they are in this hour of need, maybe they will let Eve join them at least for now until after they rescue everyone else. Wonderful chapter! Can't wait for more!
Natali ;)
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Thank you, sweet Natali :)
Don't you wish we could actually use a portal? LOL! It would come in handy at times.
It's so nice to hear your awesome feedback! You're a gem!
Stay tuned... more Breedline adventures to come!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Sugarray77
A very well developed story and full of intricate and complicated scenarios. Your cast of characters provide the story with depth and flavor. Well done.
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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A very well developed story and full of intricate and complicated scenarios. Your cast of characters provide the story with depth and flavor. Well done.
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Thank you, Sugarray77 :)
Your feedback is very kind. Glad to hear you enjoyed this chapter. Hope to hear back from you again. Stay tuned... more Breedline adventures to come.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This chapter in continuation speaks a good catch; plot goes smooth with steady approach to resolution, realistic dialogues and characters makes the move goes violent and hallucination with a curious ending; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. KEEP WRITING, CHANGE LIVING. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2018
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This chapter in continuation speaks a good catch; plot goes smooth with steady approach to resolution, realistic dialogues and characters makes the move goes violent and hallucination with a curious ending; well said, well done; thank you for sharing this with us. KEEP WRITING, CHANGE LIVING. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 12-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much! :)
You've been so kind to me and I enjoy getting your feedback. You definitely motivate me.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
