This Time - That Time 2
Viewing comments for Chapter 32 "The Fire"Veronica is sent back again
33 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
Hello again. I hope to be narrowing the gap between where I'm catching up and the newest chapters. Maybe I'll be able to read from the beginning to the end on the third book? We'll see. I'm amazed at how quickly you put together your chapters. I'm working on a book myself as an off site project, and I feel so lazy about the writing. I went to do some writing this morning and found all the work I did the last time had to been saved. So I had to re-write. But this time I wrote something totally different. I'm learning from writers like you and Phyllis Stewart. You inspire me.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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Hello again. I hope to be narrowing the gap between where I'm catching up and the newest chapters. Maybe I'll be able to read from the beginning to the end on the third book? We'll see. I'm amazed at how quickly you put together your chapters. I'm working on a book myself as an off site project, and I feel so lazy about the writing. I went to do some writing this morning and found all the work I did the last time had to been saved. So I had to re-write. But this time I wrote something totally different. I'm learning from writers like you and Phyllis Stewart. You inspire me.
Joy xx
Comment Written 04-May-2018
reply by the author on 04-May-2018
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I'm sure your book will be brilliant. The only reason we are quick is because once you start to post it on here, you have to get the parts ready or the story-line will be forgotten. It is hard though, but once it's done, and we have reviewers like you, it's so worth the effort. Thank you so much for another lovely review, my friend. :)) Sandra xx
Comment from alexisleech
Another great chapter, Sandra, and full of action and suspense. Surely Sir John will be kinder to Joe now he not only knows he's able to speak on behalf of what he believes to be his dead sister, but also because he put out the fire. Who knows? If the last Sir John Veronica encountered is anything to go by, Joe is probably still in big trouble.
I can't wait to find out!
Hugs from sunny Glasgow,
Alexis xxx
one of the older women said, shaking her head and laughing[.]
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Another great chapter, Sandra, and full of action and suspense. Surely Sir John will be kinder to Joe now he not only knows he's able to speak on behalf of what he believes to be his dead sister, but also because he put out the fire. Who knows? If the last Sir John Veronica encountered is anything to go by, Joe is probably still in big trouble.
I can't wait to find out!
Hugs from sunny Glasgow,
Alexis xxx
one of the older women said, shaking her head and laughing[.]
Comment Written 15-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much, Alexis, for the lovely stars and wonderful review. You have always been so supportive! Big hugs my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from rspoet
I guess my character, Pyro, would not be a good addition to your story. lol
Well, you certainly created some action in this chapter.
No soppy romance from Sandra Mitchell.
Sir John will have a difficult recovery, considering the time and lack of medicine.
Joe did well in the crisis, but as he says, he's a servant.
Lady Gwendolyn is the most useless ghost I've ever seen (not that I've seen many ghosts)
A good transition at the end to the children's happy voices
and then the time shift, which we almost forgot about.
Perfect way to end the chapter.
This is a good one!
Robert
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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I guess my character, Pyro, would not be a good addition to your story. lol
Well, you certainly created some action in this chapter.
No soppy romance from Sandra Mitchell.
Sir John will have a difficult recovery, considering the time and lack of medicine.
Joe did well in the crisis, but as he says, he's a servant.
Lady Gwendolyn is the most useless ghost I've ever seen (not that I've seen many ghosts)
A good transition at the end to the children's happy voices
and then the time shift, which we almost forgot about.
Perfect way to end the chapter.
This is a good one!
Robert
Comment Written 14-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2018
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LOL, no, please keep Pyro away!! This part has been a headache, I've changed it twice after reviewers pointed out things that were so important to the story. A head cold and sleepless nights did nothing for the brain's ability to function. To let you know how bad it was, I burnt my boiled eggs!! LOL. Yes, Gwendolyn is rather a waste of space at the moment, but Veronica has to understand she is a new ghost, and hasn't the skills of Lady Ann who had been a ghost for a long time. (I didn't want Gwendolyn's character to be the same as Lady Ann's, she is more the concerned mother.) My brain is up and running again, well, it's up, the running takes a bit longer!! Thank you so much, Robert, for another of your lovely reviews, and for all the shiny stars! You are so nice! Big hugs, my friend! Sandra xxx
Comment from estory
This was a pretty strong chapter. I think the descriptions of the fire and Sir John being burned in it were pretty sharp and we feel his pain. He's had a close call, and now it remains to be seen what his relationship will be with Joe; will he remain an adversary, or will he befriend him? We feel a lot for Joe, who helps sir john even though he's been badly beaten. He must be an angel. estory
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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This was a pretty strong chapter. I think the descriptions of the fire and Sir John being burned in it were pretty sharp and we feel his pain. He's had a close call, and now it remains to be seen what his relationship will be with Joe; will he remain an adversary, or will he befriend him? We feel a lot for Joe, who helps sir john even though he's been badly beaten. He must be an angel. estory
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much for this lovely review, Estory, I really appreciate it. Will he be nicer to Joe? Hmm, not too sure about that. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment from Dopeless Hopefiend
What a fascinating premise for a story and excellently written. I read the synopsis, and then a few chapters in the 30's to familiarize myself with the plot and characters, and what a write this is! Creative, well described, thought provoking. You display the accents the characters have very well also. I have just returned to FS after a long hiatus, so glad to see there are still familiar faces crafting excellent literature.
Well done, as always, worth every star.
-D.H
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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What a fascinating premise for a story and excellently written. I read the synopsis, and then a few chapters in the 30's to familiarize myself with the plot and characters, and what a write this is! Creative, well described, thought provoking. You display the accents the characters have very well also. I have just returned to FS after a long hiatus, so glad to see there are still familiar faces crafting excellent literature.
Well done, as always, worth every star.
-D.H
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hi, and welcome back! Thank you so very much for this lovely review and gorgeous 6 stars! I'm so pleased you found the synopsis helpful, it's such a complicated story to explain, but easy to understand when you know who is who and what's going one, if that makes sense, lol. I've just been to read your post, but see I'd reviewed it a long time ago. I know I'll soon be getting more from you to read. Lovely to see you again. Big hugs, Sandra xx
Comment from F. Wehr3
Nice work, Sandra! I enjoyed this part of your story. I made a few notes for your consideration.
Glancing over at the wine-rack I realised there was a good possibility it could house not only wine,--Suggest a comma after rack.
'Look wot I got!' A young girl cried out.--a small case.
'Wot yer gonna do wiv those, our Flo'?' One of the older women said,--one small case.
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Nice work, Sandra! I enjoyed this part of your story. I made a few notes for your consideration.
Glancing over at the wine-rack I realised there was a good possibility it could house not only wine,--Suggest a comma after rack.
'Look wot I got!' A young girl cried out.--a small case.
'Wot yer gonna do wiv those, our Flo'?' One of the older women said,--one small case.
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 13-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much, Russell, for the lovely, helpful review! I'll go and make the corrections. I really appreciate you taking the time to help me, thank you! :) Sandra xxx
Comment from rwilliam
I really liked this chapter. The photo was perfect too.
One suggestion. I was perplexed at Joe. You described his beating so well in the last chapter that I found it hard to believe all he was doing in this one. Maybe try adding in moans and groans , descriptions of his pain as he struggled to put out the fire, etc. Maybe not have him so heroic but heroic in a more painful way?.
I think it would make it more believable. It was all a little to 'wrapped up with a bow". I think you could really let us feel his pain as he struggled to help. That would make what he was doing all the 'sweeter' bc of it. Does that make sense? Looking back at his beating maybe use that as a templet for the way he'd struggle to help in this situation.
Just a thought. You have the guys from the garden looking at his face but I think you could be more descriptive at what they saw, the emotion and concern they would have had for Joe. I mean if they all worked for this man they'd known Joe right? Just a thought.
With all that said, I still liked this chapter very much. :-)
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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I really liked this chapter. The photo was perfect too.
One suggestion. I was perplexed at Joe. You described his beating so well in the last chapter that I found it hard to believe all he was doing in this one. Maybe try adding in moans and groans , descriptions of his pain as he struggled to put out the fire, etc. Maybe not have him so heroic but heroic in a more painful way?.
I think it would make it more believable. It was all a little to 'wrapped up with a bow". I think you could really let us feel his pain as he struggled to help. That would make what he was doing all the 'sweeter' bc of it. Does that make sense? Looking back at his beating maybe use that as a templet for the way he'd struggle to help in this situation.
Just a thought. You have the guys from the garden looking at his face but I think you could be more descriptive at what they saw, the emotion and concern they would have had for Joe. I mean if they all worked for this man they'd known Joe right? Just a thought.
With all that said, I still liked this chapter very much. :-)
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hi Rebecca. Thank you so very much for your wonderful review. I really do appreciate your thoughts on this part. I totally agree. I was so wrapped up in getting the fire right I forgot to add the detail of how Joe would be feeling in his present state. I will do some major work on it now. I hope you continue to make sure I'm on the ball. Big hugs, my friend. :) Sandra xxx
Comment from rama devi
I love how this suddenly shifts to another time in the closing. Excellent diction, characterization, narrative and dialog. However, it has a whole bunch of spag nits, mostly relating to commas, and quite a bit of room for trimming and tightening. Five stars in advance...as I may not be here much tomorrow...
NOTES
*I knew(,) from experience(,) the way shattered glass could send shards everywhere.
* As the flames continued to dance and leap to each splatter of oil, I could see it was quickly edging its way towards more flammable material scattered around.
I COULD SEE is not required. The whole sentence is unnecessarily wordy, and slightly spaggy, actually. Suggest:
As the flames continued to dance and leap to each splatter of oil, they were quickly edging towards more flammable material scattered around.
*Glancing over at the wine-rack(,) I realised
*A bucket of water was out of the question, (as) it would be far too heavy,(;) there had to be something else.
*
I'd just entered the kitchen again when a howl, so horrendous that I felt the hair on my arms goose bump up, sending(SENT) me rushing back to the cellar.
*The reason was instantly visible when I saw Sir John's trouser legs had caught alight as he'd been trying to stamp it out.
TRIM OFF THESE SUPERFLUOUS WORDS: The reason was instantly visible when
(this is obvious without being stated).
* In his panic, he desperately beat the flames with his bare hands, his eyes reflecting his horror.
the word panic already conveys desperation so the adverb is redundant. Suggest:
In his panic, he beat the flames with his bare hands, his eyes reflecting his horror.
*trim adverb:
He did that for a moment longer, then carefully took the towel away.
* As I looked closer, I could see his trousers had burnt through and melted into the skin on his thigh (NO SPACE) where the trousers had been tighter.
trim:As I looked closer, I could see
*I glanced back at the flames,(;) they didn't appear to be spreading any more,(.) p(P)erhaps the oil had all been used up.
* I nodded, and made a few more frantic dashes up the stairs, bringing down more towels until finally, the fire was out.
trim adverb
* Joe went straight back to Sir John and asked if he'd like to try and stand again. I'd noticed a broom leant up against the wall, and(,) pointing to it, suggested it could serve as a crutch.
He looked and agreed. 'Good idea--Sir John, can yeh steady yerself again?' On his nod, Joe let go then quickly collected the broom. 'Let's be trying again. If yeh can 'old on to me ... that's it, now let's be puttin' this under yer arm t' steady yerself.'
* I looked at the stairs leading to the first floor,(no ,) and groaned.
*
'Let's go up front(,) and I'll lead the way. If Sir John asks you how you knew where his room is, tell him Gwendolyn showed you.'
Lots of Love,
rd
As it happened, once at the top(,) Sir John told the men they could put him down and go back to work.
*best not to use two adverbs in a row:
Then, carefully moving forward with small hops, he finally made it to his room and fell back onto his bed.
* You saved his home, and possibly his life!'
' You saved his home and, possibly, his life!'
* He went over and told her Sir John was on his bed,(no ,) and expecting the doctor.
*
The kitchen was a mass of ribbons,(no ,) and cuddly toys,(;) there were little muslin bags of boiled lemon sweets and peppermints.
Adorable diction:
'Jus' you lot wait. I'm gonna learn me letters an' numbers an' then I'll git meself a man wiv prospecs.' Her head was bobbing up and down in her excitement, so sure and confident.
A perfect chapter ending:
'Oh Lordy, Miss Veronica....'
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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I love how this suddenly shifts to another time in the closing. Excellent diction, characterization, narrative and dialog. However, it has a whole bunch of spag nits, mostly relating to commas, and quite a bit of room for trimming and tightening. Five stars in advance...as I may not be here much tomorrow...
NOTES
*I knew(,) from experience(,) the way shattered glass could send shards everywhere.
* As the flames continued to dance and leap to each splatter of oil, I could see it was quickly edging its way towards more flammable material scattered around.
I COULD SEE is not required. The whole sentence is unnecessarily wordy, and slightly spaggy, actually. Suggest:
As the flames continued to dance and leap to each splatter of oil, they were quickly edging towards more flammable material scattered around.
*Glancing over at the wine-rack(,) I realised
*A bucket of water was out of the question, (as) it would be far too heavy,(;) there had to be something else.
*
I'd just entered the kitchen again when a howl, so horrendous that I felt the hair on my arms goose bump up, sending(SENT) me rushing back to the cellar.
*The reason was instantly visible when I saw Sir John's trouser legs had caught alight as he'd been trying to stamp it out.
TRIM OFF THESE SUPERFLUOUS WORDS: The reason was instantly visible when
(this is obvious without being stated).
* In his panic, he desperately beat the flames with his bare hands, his eyes reflecting his horror.
the word panic already conveys desperation so the adverb is redundant. Suggest:
In his panic, he beat the flames with his bare hands, his eyes reflecting his horror.
*trim adverb:
He did that for a moment longer, then carefully took the towel away.
* As I looked closer, I could see his trousers had burnt through and melted into the skin on his thigh (NO SPACE) where the trousers had been tighter.
trim:As I looked closer, I could see
*I glanced back at the flames,(;) they didn't appear to be spreading any more,(.) p(P)erhaps the oil had all been used up.
* I nodded, and made a few more frantic dashes up the stairs, bringing down more towels until finally, the fire was out.
trim adverb
* Joe went straight back to Sir John and asked if he'd like to try and stand again. I'd noticed a broom leant up against the wall, and(,) pointing to it, suggested it could serve as a crutch.
He looked and agreed. 'Good idea--Sir John, can yeh steady yerself again?' On his nod, Joe let go then quickly collected the broom. 'Let's be trying again. If yeh can 'old on to me ... that's it, now let's be puttin' this under yer arm t' steady yerself.'
* I looked at the stairs leading to the first floor,(no ,) and groaned.
*
'Let's go up front(,) and I'll lead the way. If Sir John asks you how you knew where his room is, tell him Gwendolyn showed you.'
Lots of Love,
rd
As it happened, once at the top(,) Sir John told the men they could put him down and go back to work.
*best not to use two adverbs in a row:
Then, carefully moving forward with small hops, he finally made it to his room and fell back onto his bed.
* You saved his home, and possibly his life!'
' You saved his home and, possibly, his life!'
* He went over and told her Sir John was on his bed,(no ,) and expecting the doctor.
*
The kitchen was a mass of ribbons,(no ,) and cuddly toys,(;) there were little muslin bags of boiled lemon sweets and peppermints.
Adorable diction:
'Jus' you lot wait. I'm gonna learn me letters an' numbers an' then I'll git meself a man wiv prospecs.' Her head was bobbing up and down in her excitement, so sure and confident.
A perfect chapter ending:
'Oh Lordy, Miss Veronica....'
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Thank you so very much. Rama, for taking so much time to give me another really helpful review. I've made all the corrections, and I'm also making a few more changes. I'll change it over once I've finished the whole edit. It's funny how I seem to find more areas to improve when I go in to correct the errors!! LOL!! I really do appreciate you. :) I'm delighted you still like the story. Big hugs, my friend. :) xx Sandra
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Thanks for your gracious response, dear friend. Big hugs back!
:-))) Love, rd
Comment from wordsfromsue
Oh Lordy, Miss Sandra! You sure do know how to write an exciting chapter. :-)
I could figuratively hear the fire, your descriptions were so good!
Honestly, Sandra, this chapter is a winner. Surely Sir John will soften up now?
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Oh Lordy, Miss Sandra! You sure do know how to write an exciting chapter. :-)
I could figuratively hear the fire, your descriptions were so good!
Honestly, Sandra, this chapter is a winner. Surely Sir John will soften up now?
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much, Sue, for all those lovely stars!! I'm not sure he's ready to believe Joe yet. He is too sure the child is the devil's and has a huge fear that it will come out. We will see. :)) I really appreciate your wonderful comments, my dear friend! Big hugs. Sandra xxxx
Comment from Marge Setzer
I enjoyed the way you handled the potential disaster. Very descriptive and I felt as if I were witnessing the event. Because this is the first chapter I've read I'm a little confused about some of the characters, but I was able to see that there is some conflict involved. I am curious about the implied conflict between Joe and Sir John. Also not sure about Francis and where he was and why Gwendolyn was so worried when he wasn't even on the premises. The fire scene and the way it was handled was very effective. Good job. Marge
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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I enjoyed the way you handled the potential disaster. Very descriptive and I felt as if I were witnessing the event. Because this is the first chapter I've read I'm a little confused about some of the characters, but I was able to see that there is some conflict involved. I am curious about the implied conflict between Joe and Sir John. Also not sure about Francis and where he was and why Gwendolyn was so worried when he wasn't even on the premises. The fire scene and the way it was handled was very effective. Good job. Marge
Comment Written 12-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 13-Feb-2018
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Hi, Marge, thank you for reading this part, and I'm pleased you liked the description of the fire. I've put a link to a synopsis of the previous parts in my authors notes, if you click on that it will explain your confusion. Francis is an albino child, about 18 months old, and Sir John believes he's the devil's son due to his red eyes. He is kept in a room in the attic, away from the staff or anyone who might see him. Gwendolyn, his mother is dead and a ghost. If you 'd like to catch up, please read the synopsis. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this part. I do appreciate it. :) Sandra xxx
