Sacred Songs Once Sung (see notes)
Contributions From Our Immigrant Artisans42 total reviews
Comment from ameen786
I have no words to express my gratitude to be able to read/enjoy such amazing poetry/talent; this brilliant verse truly reflects the poet's passion in each and every verse that is so wonderfully composed in superb alliteration and rhymes; the flow is great. Again, a perfect 10 my friend; thanks for the treat.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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I have no words to express my gratitude to be able to read/enjoy such amazing poetry/talent; this brilliant verse truly reflects the poet's passion in each and every verse that is so wonderfully composed in superb alliteration and rhymes; the flow is great. Again, a perfect 10 my friend; thanks for the treat.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much my friend. Most honored ameen. tom
Comment from mmonaghan777
Had to look up the word morass. When I went to Europe I would walk up to an ancient piece of architecture and touch it. I wanted to feel the history that lived inside each of those buildings. Always amazing.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Had to look up the word morass. When I went to Europe I would walk up to an ancient piece of architecture and touch it. I wanted to feel the history that lived inside each of those buildings. Always amazing.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thank you mmonaghan. Most honored. tom
Comment from Zue65
The theme is relevant and the poem really read well. the rhymes are smooth and the poetic lines are fluid and move in progression from beginning to end. Thanks for an excellent write. All the best.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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The theme is relevant and the poem really read well. the rhymes are smooth and the poetic lines are fluid and move in progression from beginning to end. Thanks for an excellent write. All the best.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thank you nassus. tom
Comment from CD Richards
Before I get to how good this is (spoiler: really good), a couple of minor nit-picks:
"Filled with passion for Thou Art,"
"Thou" should be "Thine". Thou=you, Thine=your. In the hymn "How great thou art", "art" means "are", so it translates to "how great you are." But if we are talking about art, as in art, then it's a possessive - "thine".
"As engineer's electrified"
Assuming you mean more than one engineer (plural), there's no apostrophe.
Your phrasing, use of metaphor and also alliteration is quite brilliant, as in the following stanza - one of my favourites:
Their monuments now battered
Into shards of shattered glass
That lie as fragments scattered
In a steel and stone morass.
I could give countless more examples, but there's little point reproducing your poem here.
We do well to remember that all countries in the world, bar one, have been built on the blood, sweat and tears of immigrants. Your poem is a solid tribute to those who have helped build up our civilisations, and a lament at how quick we are to destroy the fruits of their labours.
Great job,
Craig
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
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Before I get to how good this is (spoiler: really good), a couple of minor nit-picks:
"Filled with passion for Thou Art,"
"Thou" should be "Thine". Thou=you, Thine=your. In the hymn "How great thou art", "art" means "are", so it translates to "how great you are." But if we are talking about art, as in art, then it's a possessive - "thine".
"As engineer's electrified"
Assuming you mean more than one engineer (plural), there's no apostrophe.
Your phrasing, use of metaphor and also alliteration is quite brilliant, as in the following stanza - one of my favourites:
Their monuments now battered
Into shards of shattered glass
That lie as fragments scattered
In a steel and stone morass.
I could give countless more examples, but there's little point reproducing your poem here.
We do well to remember that all countries in the world, bar one, have been built on the blood, sweat and tears of immigrants. Your poem is a solid tribute to those who have helped build up our civilisations, and a lament at how quick we are to destroy the fruits of their labours.
Great job,
Craig
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
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Hey Craig, how goes the struggle friend? I actually meant 'how great you are' when I wrote that line. The immigrants from Europe were very steeped in their own, yet varied, Christian traditions. So, the reference is used as a statement to inform the reader that though some came to escape religious persecution in their home country, they did not escape their faith and loyalty to the Christian religion. I wrote 'engineers' and posted that spelling. My good friend Rama Diva, who has been a grammatical lifesaver for me many years, in her review said to add the apostrophe. I think this will be the first time I was correct in all these years. lol Thank you so much for this flattering review and thank you for the kind and very generous comments. Totally honored Craig. tom
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
The people once paraded with great passion and great pride,
To serenade with songs they love the sacredness of soul;
The past should be protected by the present to provide
A living link to history that unifies the whole. ' I love the alliteration here and enjoyed the notes. Brilliant work as always. Kindest regards and well done love Meia xx
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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The people once paraded with great passion and great pride,
To serenade with songs they love the sacredness of soul;
The past should be protected by the present to provide
A living link to history that unifies the whole. ' I love the alliteration here and enjoyed the notes. Brilliant work as always. Kindest regards and well done love Meia xx
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thank you Meia. tom
Comment from tfawcus
I love the strident meter that this opens with, like the rhythm of a marching song, and the way in which it falters and changes as you speak of the tearing down of the edifices of the past. Finely nuanced use of assonance and alliteration.
There is so much to like about this that it is an invidious task to pick out specific examples. You do, however, give full value to the heritage of our past and the reason for our endeavours in the lines:
"Belief in dreams alone
Defeat the threat of death".
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
 |
I love the strident meter that this opens with, like the rhythm of a marching song, and the way in which it falters and changes as you speak of the tearing down of the edifices of the past. Finely nuanced use of assonance and alliteration.
There is so much to like about this that it is an invidious task to pick out specific examples. You do, however, give full value to the heritage of our past and the reason for our endeavours in the lines:
"Belief in dreams alone
Defeat the threat of death".
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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I am humbled and honored good friend. I thank you very much. tom
Comment from brenda faye curtis
This is a powerful poem and a statement that needs to be made. Although we don't have the incredibly old structures of Europe, we do have some old ones that should be preserved. In the town I come from, the last WPA building from post-WW2 was torn down last year after decades of neglect. All that made where I grew up distinctive is gone.
This poem invokes clear, emotional images, flows well and definitely spoke to me. If there was a mixed meter and rhyme contest, I'm sure you'd win.
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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This is a powerful poem and a statement that needs to be made. Although we don't have the incredibly old structures of Europe, we do have some old ones that should be preserved. In the town I come from, the last WPA building from post-WW2 was torn down last year after decades of neglect. All that made where I grew up distinctive is gone.
This poem invokes clear, emotional images, flows well and definitely spoke to me. If there was a mixed meter and rhyme contest, I'm sure you'd win.
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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I am most honored by this wonderful review my friend. Thank you so much. tom
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You're welcome, Tom.
Comment from jlsavell
easyeverett,
I have no sixes nor words to convey this incredibly heart rendering piece so flawlessly executed. it is definitely a recommended reading. I am just gob-smacked and can say no more, for any compliment is inept against such a beautiful work..
jlsavell
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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easyeverett,
I have no sixes nor words to convey this incredibly heart rendering piece so flawlessly executed. it is definitely a recommended reading. I am just gob-smacked and can say no more, for any compliment is inept against such a beautiful work..
jlsavell
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thank you friend for this most humbling review. I am honored. tom
Comment from His Grayness
Sorry to not have the sixth star this lovely work deserves. I too celebrate the mission of this work and hope that many other readers will capture the passion and value of the dear message delivered in this fine work. I cannot offer anything to improve this work and thank this author for a great read! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Sorry to not have the sixth star this lovely work deserves. I too celebrate the mission of this work and hope that many other readers will capture the passion and value of the dear message delivered in this fine work. I cannot offer anything to improve this work and thank this author for a great read! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 14-Feb-2018
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Thank you very much Vance. Most honored. tom
Comment from rama devi
Excellent tribute, theme, tone and style. Excellent pacing, flow and rhyming. Excellent phonetics. Very musical to read aloud. Good visual imagery too. Fine POV.
I love this line:
They captured sweet elation
When restraints were torn apart.
Favorite stanza:
Superb alliteration of E and A here:
As engineer's electrified
Thin etchings drawn in ink -
The architects conceptualized
Artistic dreams to think.
Second fave:
OUTSTANDING expressiveness and alliteration:
Plastic people pouring out
Wear right-wing Rockwell faces;
Crazy words they blindly shout
While leaving putrid traces.
A few minor suggestions:
Crossed the angry(,) salted brine,
Their ancient skills of vision.(no period)
Were a call to sanctify
The soul without derision
And without an alibi.
They break and tear away another's dreams,(no ,)
As hopes of men are sadly turned to dust;(,)
While wrecking balls(,) beleaguered by their schemes(,)
Have raped and scourged a solemn promised trust:
To never tear the sacred temples down,
But promises were broken all around
For riches found and pluncered (plunkered) neath the ground.
(')Twas genius of those immigrants;
In death how proud they stand,
Their contributions prominent
In this(,) their chosen land.
The above is a powerful stanza. Superb!
Great rhymes in above lines!
POTENT:
Belief in dreams alone
Defeat the threat of death,
As winds of truth are blown
With each and every breath.
Outstanding rich descriptive and phonetics:
Their souls are seared inside blue-steel
Now bound with mortar to the stones.
Potent and musical:
Their monuments now battered
Into shards of shattered glass
That lie as fragments scattered
In a steel and stone morass.
Loved reading the alliteration here aloud:
The mighty do meander,
As they mark their morbid way
And fill the fetid spaces
With the stink of their decay.
Another outstanding and unique stanza (great rhymes too - third fave):
It is this degradation
And the darkness of deceit
That's seen in every ghetto
As no secret on the street
Symbolic of the hypocrites custodial conceit.
Memorable AHA:
All pretense of perfection
Can provide but brief protection
From the madness at the margins of the mind.
Fourth fave - potent, alliterated, impacting and expressive:
The promise was perverted
By the pompous and the proud.
While men of honored greatness
With their genius speaking loud,
Are pushed aside by brokers
Who collect the lesser crowd.
great thematic culmination here in the penultimate stanza: (and lots of continued P sounds--bravo):
The people once paraded with great passion and great pride,
To serenade with songs they love the sacredness of soul;
The past should be protected by the present to provide
A living link to history that unifies the whole.
Another favorite is your pitch perfect closing note (and the medley of V and L and S sounds too):
I hear their vital voices still
Reverberate as one
As out of sacred shelters spill
The sacred songs once sung.
In spite of spag nits, this awesome write deserves a six, Bravo. Impressive, deep, richly textured, meaningful and masterfully penned (except for spag)!
Warmlym rd
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
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Excellent tribute, theme, tone and style. Excellent pacing, flow and rhyming. Excellent phonetics. Very musical to read aloud. Good visual imagery too. Fine POV.
I love this line:
They captured sweet elation
When restraints were torn apart.
Favorite stanza:
Superb alliteration of E and A here:
As engineer's electrified
Thin etchings drawn in ink -
The architects conceptualized
Artistic dreams to think.
Second fave:
OUTSTANDING expressiveness and alliteration:
Plastic people pouring out
Wear right-wing Rockwell faces;
Crazy words they blindly shout
While leaving putrid traces.
A few minor suggestions:
Crossed the angry(,) salted brine,
Their ancient skills of vision.(no period)
Were a call to sanctify
The soul without derision
And without an alibi.
They break and tear away another's dreams,(no ,)
As hopes of men are sadly turned to dust;(,)
While wrecking balls(,) beleaguered by their schemes(,)
Have raped and scourged a solemn promised trust:
To never tear the sacred temples down,
But promises were broken all around
For riches found and pluncered (plunkered) neath the ground.
(')Twas genius of those immigrants;
In death how proud they stand,
Their contributions prominent
In this(,) their chosen land.
The above is a powerful stanza. Superb!
Great rhymes in above lines!
POTENT:
Belief in dreams alone
Defeat the threat of death,
As winds of truth are blown
With each and every breath.
Outstanding rich descriptive and phonetics:
Their souls are seared inside blue-steel
Now bound with mortar to the stones.
Potent and musical:
Their monuments now battered
Into shards of shattered glass
That lie as fragments scattered
In a steel and stone morass.
Loved reading the alliteration here aloud:
The mighty do meander,
As they mark their morbid way
And fill the fetid spaces
With the stink of their decay.
Another outstanding and unique stanza (great rhymes too - third fave):
It is this degradation
And the darkness of deceit
That's seen in every ghetto
As no secret on the street
Symbolic of the hypocrites custodial conceit.
Memorable AHA:
All pretense of perfection
Can provide but brief protection
From the madness at the margins of the mind.
Fourth fave - potent, alliterated, impacting and expressive:
The promise was perverted
By the pompous and the proud.
While men of honored greatness
With their genius speaking loud,
Are pushed aside by brokers
Who collect the lesser crowd.
great thematic culmination here in the penultimate stanza: (and lots of continued P sounds--bravo):
The people once paraded with great passion and great pride,
To serenade with songs they love the sacredness of soul;
The past should be protected by the present to provide
A living link to history that unifies the whole.
Another favorite is your pitch perfect closing note (and the medley of V and L and S sounds too):
I hear their vital voices still
Reverberate as one
As out of sacred shelters spill
The sacred songs once sung.
In spite of spag nits, this awesome write deserves a six, Bravo. Impressive, deep, richly textured, meaningful and masterfully penned (except for spag)!
Warmlym rd
Comment Written 09-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2018
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Got them all fixed dear sis and I knew this needed your professional eye to bring potential to fruition. You did sis. I really thank you for this sixer and so do the immigrants of the past and immigrants of the present and immigrants of the future. Thanks a million sis and take care. tom
:-))))))Huge smiles!
