In Honor Of Omar Kahayyam
READ NOTES PLEASE: aaba rhyme in iambic pentameter61 total reviews
Comment from Joy Graham
I don't know who Omar Kayyam is? I didn't see any me tion of him in your poem, and I don't see the connection with his name. Am I missing something?
I rather like the aaba rhyme scheme. Nice to see such capable iambic pentameter. Your poem is sobering and gives me much to think about.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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I don't know who Omar Kayyam is? I didn't see any me tion of him in your poem, and I don't see the connection with his name. Am I missing something?
I rather like the aaba rhyme scheme. Nice to see such capable iambic pentameter. Your poem is sobering and gives me much to think about.
Joy xx
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Well his poem entitled the Rubaiyat of Omar Kahayaam has more quatrains and individual lines reprinted than any other poem ever written and I guess I was a bit surprised that notes on this extraordinary poet and poem were not needed. However, you are far from alone in your unfamiliarity with Kahayyam so I have added a brief history of the poet and also printed three quatrains from FitzGerald's English translation done in 1869. I think by reading them you will see why this poetic has endured for 2100 years. Thank you very much for giving me a nudge to add some history. I know I often assume all aspiring poets are familiar with the same things I am but it proves to be untrue and rather shallow and stupid on my part for such ludicrous presumptions. I hope my notes help give you appreciation of the poet and the poem. And my feeble effort to honor such a masterpiece. Thank you very much Joy. tom
Comment from Rasmine
Good poem. I got lost, though, in the verses.
Is:
Drink long and deep from fruited flask so sweet,
To energize the dreams one soon shall meet,
In vivid recollections of the calm
That flows as sated days of balm to greet (is this the wind in Christian services?.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Good poem. I got lost, though, in the verses.
Is:
Drink long and deep from fruited flask so sweet,
To energize the dreams one soon shall meet,
In vivid recollections of the calm
That flows as sated days of balm to greet (is this the wind in Christian services?.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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I have no idea what the Christian wind is Rasmine. Is it different than Buddhist wind or Islamic wind? No, balm in the context of this poem is the 'balm of healing'. It is metaphorical as used in my poem. I hope my response gave you a bit more clarity Rasmine. Take care friend and thank you so much. tom
Comment from estory
It's fatalistic poetry, but very well put. In some places it reads like a celebration of this life, its tragedies and triumphs, its seasons of lust and hope, rooted in the physical, kind of doomed from spring to winter. The lines are musically, very well crafted, as always, the images are strong, fresh, poignant, wide open, taking us to the corners of the mind and the soul. Even war here has something to say, seems a part of this experience, as it probably should be considered. Always an interesting read estory
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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It's fatalistic poetry, but very well put. In some places it reads like a celebration of this life, its tragedies and triumphs, its seasons of lust and hope, rooted in the physical, kind of doomed from spring to winter. The lines are musically, very well crafted, as always, the images are strong, fresh, poignant, wide open, taking us to the corners of the mind and the soul. Even war here has something to say, seems a part of this experience, as it probably should be considered. Always an interesting read estory
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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I had to add notes Roy. I was rather surprised at the number of reviewer who never heard of the poet or the poem. The Rubaiyat of Omar Kahayyam is the most often quoted poem ever written. Many authors have used lines from his poem for titles to their books. But now there are notes to read. Thank you very much Roy. tom
Comment from TPAC
Bang that drum. Sound it out loud, all to hear its statement, compelling views about human conditions. I found this work to be a pleasing read, encouraging further revision to bring forth this master piece full beauty. Of course, all stated in my considered opinion of this write.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Bang that drum. Sound it out loud, all to hear its statement, compelling views about human conditions. I found this work to be a pleasing read, encouraging further revision to bring forth this master piece full beauty. Of course, all stated in my considered opinion of this write.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Hi TPAC. My poem to honor Omar Kahayyam, written in his preferred form of aaba quatrains of iambic pentameter is going to stay as is. I can't improve on the most quoted and copied poem in world history the 'Rubaiyat of Omar Kahayyam' and considering the level of difficulty I found writing in this singular structure I have done the best I can do. If you like the style or content I urge to read FitzGerald's English translation of the Rubaiyat. It is a classic in its own right. Thanks friend. Most honored. tom
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Ok, I have done some upgrades and editing of this poem due to great reviews like yours and a few others which have spurred me on to do my work. Today, the reviews I have received have, IMHO, achieved exactly what the promise of this site incorporates. Ezra Pound's great admonition "make it new' could also add an exchange where the word 'new' is exchanged for the word 'better'. I think I have done that because of reviews like yours. Thanks again. tom
Here is the edited rewrite.
Come, take the tally, tear the table down,
Sequester not the liar in the town,
For he hath given haste and made escape
To run into the lake where liar's drown.
Let feet not steep too deep upon the grape
As vineyards keep the sweet and purple shape
To gift a cobbler who shall make the shoe
That slips around the foot as measure tape.
The fruit upon the vine is mine to gain
To ease my passage through this edge of pain;
'Tis mine to keep, 'tis mine to toss in fire
And never take the way of shame again.
The ecstasy and poignancy of lust
Is part of human beauty man must trust,
Until awareness ceases to exist
When flesh is once again turned into dust.
Each session of discretion dissects blight
To fragments of eternal wrong and right
Infused with two essential elements
That fuel the sun and moonlight of the night.
Sweet mystery of life, not found when dead,
But in anticipation free of dread,
For life begins anew with every breath
And every rising from the slumber bed.
Drink long and deep from fruited flask so sweet,
To energize the dreams one soon shall meet
With vivid recollections of the calm
Enwrapped by sated days of balm to greet.
Now voices cloistered in rebellion sing,
Beyond the grove of Willows grown in spring.
Then fate of state must make grave changes which
Will leave rebellion grounded without wing.
The secret buried casualties of war
Still whisper words of wisdom on the shore
Of life; where icy-fingers grasp at last
The brutal truth of man's now empty core.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written rhyming poem. Although you mentioned you using aaba rhyme your first stanza is in monorhyne aaaa. The mysteries we cannot understand will be revealed after we died.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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A very well-written rhyming poem. Although you mentioned you using aaba rhyme your first stanza is in monorhyne aaaa. The mysteries we cannot understand will be revealed after we died.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Your astute comment about mono-rhyme actually go to work on improving this poem. I found quite a few other improvements which I made and I hope you approve of them. You are an excellent reviewer and you made my poem better and that's what this site is all about. Thanks again and below is the rewrite.
Come, take the tally, tear the table down,
Sequester not the liar in the town,
For he hath given haste and made escape
To run into the lake where liar's drown.
Let feet not steep too deep upon the grape
As vineyards keep the sweet and purple shape
To gift a cobbler who shall make the shoe
That slips around the foot as measure tape.
The fruit upon the vine is mine to gain
To ease my passage through this edge of pain;
'Tis mine to keep, 'tis mine to toss in fire
And never take the way of shame again.
The ecstasy and poignancy of lust
Is part of human beauty man must trust,
Until awareness ceases to exist
When flesh is once again turned into dust.
Each session of discretion dissects blight
To fragments of eternal wrong and right
Infused with two essential elements
That fuel the sun and moonlight of the night.
Sweet mystery of life, not found when dead,
But in anticipation free of dread,
For life begins anew with every breath
And every rising from the slumber bed.
Drink long and deep from fruited flask so sweet,
To energize the dreams one soon shall meet
With vivid recollections of the calm
Enwrapped by sated days of balm to greet.
Now voices cloistered in rebellion sing,
Beyond the grove of Willows grown in spring.
Then fate of state must make grave changes which
Will leave rebellion grounded without wing.
The secret buried casualties of war
Still whisper words of wisdom on the shore
Of life; where icy-fingers grasp at last
The brutal truth of man's now empty core.
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The edited version seems excellent
Comment from dragonpoet
This could be about the fight against sin to possibly get a place in Heaven after death. These aaba quatrains tell of the mystery of life and death,
Keep writing
Joan
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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This could be about the fight against sin to possibly get a place in Heaven after death. These aaba quatrains tell of the mystery of life and death,
Keep writing
Joan
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Thank you so much Joan. Most honored friend. tom
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Don't mention it,Tom
Joan
Comment from royowen
A very strongly worded work Tom. Laced with language rich phrases, I believe poetry has a liberty to penetrate the deepest reaches of the human soul and the truth be scribed on the flesh of humanity. You've achieved all that. Beautifully written with a sense of scratching on the psyche, and easy enjambment with which its done is superbly reached. The iambic pentameter is remarkably smooth and the aabb rhyming is superb, well done, good job blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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A very strongly worded work Tom. Laced with language rich phrases, I believe poetry has a liberty to penetrate the deepest reaches of the human soul and the truth be scribed on the flesh of humanity. You've achieved all that. Beautifully written with a sense of scratching on the psyche, and easy enjambment with which its done is superbly reached. The iambic pentameter is remarkably smooth and the aabb rhyming is superb, well done, good job blessings, Roy
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Hi Roy and thank you friend. I am most flattered by your kind comments as always. tom
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My pleasure
Comment from tfawcus
It is quite a while since I last read The Rubaiyat. I have it upstairs somewhere and you prompt me to go and search for it. One of the most life affirming pieces that has ever been written. Lines like "fill the cup before life's liquor in its cup be dry" become etched in the mind. Your poem is marvellous. It captures so much of the spirit of Omar Kahayyam's work. One must not deny life for, as you so beautifully put it at the end: "icy fingers grasp at last / The futile truth of man's now empty core". So many eloquent lines in your poem that six stars seem rather poor acknowledgement.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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It is quite a while since I last read The Rubaiyat. I have it upstairs somewhere and you prompt me to go and search for it. One of the most life affirming pieces that has ever been written. Lines like "fill the cup before life's liquor in its cup be dry" become etched in the mind. Your poem is marvellous. It captures so much of the spirit of Omar Kahayyam's work. One must not deny life for, as you so beautifully put it at the end: "icy fingers grasp at last / The futile truth of man's now empty core". So many eloquent lines in your poem that six stars seem rather poor acknowledgement.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Wow tfawcus for this wonderful review and especially the part where the prompted you to find your own copy of it and relive the joy of genius. I am truly thrilled by the stars but most thrilled by your shared story with me and with Kahayyam. Take care friend. tom
Comment from James H. Oldfield
Having looked him up, I'm reminded I was familiar with Omar Khayyam the scientist, but I'd no idea he'd been a poet to. I'm going to have to look closer, later on.
More lovely verse, as I've come to expect, and one which has spurred me to research and incredibly interesting figure (which I always welcome :) ).
Great job, and thanks for sharing.
Take care.
-James
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Having looked him up, I'm reminded I was familiar with Omar Khayyam the scientist, but I'd no idea he'd been a poet to. I'm going to have to look closer, later on.
More lovely verse, as I've come to expect, and one which has spurred me to research and incredibly interesting figure (which I always welcome :) ).
Great job, and thanks for sharing.
Take care.
-James
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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Thank you very James and I hope you enjoy your research. I think you will my friend. tom
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
There are no notes about who this man is which would help a little. Omar Kahayyam was a poet and mathematician I believe after looking the name up on google. Not sure what this stanza means:
Drink long and deep from fruited flask so sweet,
To energize the dreams one soon shall meet,
In vivid recollections of the calm
That flows as sated days of balm to greet.
Was he into drugs?
An interesting write and I would like to know more about this character, good look with your poem, love Dolly x
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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There are no notes about who this man is which would help a little. Omar Kahayyam was a poet and mathematician I believe after looking the name up on google. Not sure what this stanza means:
Drink long and deep from fruited flask so sweet,
To energize the dreams one soon shall meet,
In vivid recollections of the calm
That flows as sated days of balm to greet.
Was he into drugs?
An interesting write and I would like to know more about this character, good look with your poem, love Dolly x
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 06-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018
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There are author notes now Dolly if you are interested. Thank you my friend. tom
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Thanks for updating your write, it is easier to understand now, love Dolly x
