Comment from Dorothy Farrell

Exceptional

Hi Tom, nine good stanzas and iambic pentameter maintained throughout. I assume in stanza five you give 'fuel' one syllable. In England we have two, but what the heck. Very well written, and as I have said before, each of your stanzas could stand alone.

The ecstasy and poignancy of lust
Is part of human beauty man must trust,
Until awareness ceases to exist
When flesh is once again turned into dust. .... I thought this would have made a good final stanza.

Warm regards Dorothy

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2018

---

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2018

High Dorothy. Fuel is two syllables in the Colonies also my friend and now I will pronounce it with more accuracy. lol I don't know but when one gets a bit doddery it's the simple things that seem to disappear first. What a wonderful review both for the high worthiness you found my poetic to possess but also for making it a better poem by dividing a word in two. I thought maybe 'gas' but not in Kahayyam's time and soon maybe not in ours.
The stanza you mentioned would make a decent ultimate strophe but I feel putting man in his place
by showing his 'empty core' worked a bit better so I have left it alone. Thanks again Dorothy, I am as usual most honored by your visit. tom

Comment from Bill Schott

Exceptional

This beautiful poem, In Honor Of Omar Kahayyam, lilts down the page in its iambic pentameter and AABA rhyming scheme, to elevate the captured words of reflection into a solid moment of zen.

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2018

---

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2018

Hi Bill. Wow my friend your review is actually a very fine poetic. I am honored to receive such an outstanding review from an artist with your talent. I am honored Bill. Take care my friend. tom

reply by the author on 07-Feb-2018

Hi Bill. Wow my friend your review is actually a very fine poetic. I am honored to receive such an outstanding review from an artist with your talent. I am honored Bill. Take care my friend. tom

Comment from Ella Gott

Excellent

This was great, 5 stars for sure. I hope that I can be as talented as you someday. I would love it if you would check out some of my work and give feedback, it would be greatly appreciated.

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2018

Comment from dmt1967

Excellent

This is a good ode to a wonderful man, although I have never heard of him. I did enjoy learning about him through your words and listening to his exploited through your poem. Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 07-Feb-2018

Comment from Zue65

Excellent

The author's notes helped a lot in enriching the message of the poem. The rhymes are smooth and not forced and the imagery is rich evident in every stanza of your poem. the poem reads well and there are no grammar and spelling issues as well. Thanks for sharing an excellent write.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2018

---

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

Thank you nassus. Most honored. tom

Comment from LIJ Red

Excellent

I found a book with all five of Fitz's goes at it. I don't think he followed the tent guy with great exactitude, which is probably good. I rate his as a great read, and yours as an excellent take-off on it.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2018

---

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

Thank you Red. I am once again pleased and honored. tom

Comment from Sugarray77

Excellent

Thank you! Thank you! For including such a beautiful explanation after your own stunning verses. I am in awe! Thanks for sharing all of this with us. Simply glorious.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2018

---

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

Thank you so much my friend. Glad you enjoyed. tom

Comment from ameen786

Excellent

Brilliant! A masterpiece sir. My mother tongue is Urdu that has same letters as that of Persian, the language used by the great Omar Khayyam; alas, I couldn't grasp his poetry reading in Persian and fortunately came across FitzGerald's translation and loved it. Your outstanding tribute reflects your own talent in the quatrains that you so masterfully composed; my poor vocabulary would not do justice to your brilliant poem.
P.S: If I may suggest for you to read Allama Iqbal and Mirza Ghalib, two other well known and great poets of both Persian and Urdu languages; you won'd be dissappointed.

This is a perfect 10 poem I am out of sixes.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2018

---

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

Hello amen. Do you remember me from five or six years ago when I went by easyeverett and not easyeverett1. You have always been kind to my poetics and this review makes my head a little bigger as you usually did before. I am honored my friend. I am looking forward to reading the poets you recommended. Thanks again good friend. tom
tom

reply by ameen786 on 07-Feb-2018

Yes, I was wandering about that; I do remember you my friend; wasn't sure as you added a 1 to your name; I'll take that 1 as you being number 1in your brilliant poetry. Thank you.

Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)

Exceptional

Drink long and deep from fruited flask so sweet,
To energize the dreams one soon shall meet,
In vivid recollections of the calm
That flows as sated days of balm to greet.' God, I learned so much from this, your work is unforgettable. Amazing, really something else both the poetry and notes. Well done as always Meia x

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2018

---

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

Thank you Meia. I am honored you found this poem worthy of such kind comments and such a generous rating. It was difficult to write a poem to honor someone you hold in the highest regard for his poetic genius but also for his genius in other fields. I thank you very much for this gratifying response to my effort. tom

Comment from Pantygynt

Excellent

This is an interesting take on the rubaiyat form. Like many who have employed this form, you have got close to monorhyme with assonance or sight rhyme in the third (non-rhyming line). From a 'musical' point of view I think the most effective third lines are those that stay well clear of assonance or other near rhyming connection with the other lines in the quatrain, but that is purely a personal preference of my own, and shouldn't be taken as knowledgeable criticism.

 Comment Written 06-Feb-2018

---

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

Hey friend. I've read so many translations of this poem and I realized trying to apply legitimate concern for trying to not violate refined poetic devices just won't work unless you know the ancient Persian language and even then our rules of the road would be useless in my opinion. I have added notes due to several reviewers who were unfamiliar with the poet. You will find three quatrains taken from FitGerald's translation which is by far the most loved if not the most accurate translation written. You also will find a quatrain that not only avoids staying well clear of poetic device, it has exact end rhyme including the third traditionally non-rhyming line. I think when you read those three stanzas you will get a feeling for the difficulty FitzGerald faced when he translated a poem written in a language that was not his first and native language. He finally threw out old rules of 'poetic correctness' in exchange for musicality and beauty. So this poem was written with FitzGerald's throw out rule in mind. Thanks a million friend. tom

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

UPDATE: I applied a bit of Pantygynt non-throw out rule after rereading the poem. I had another reviewer say in one stanza I actually had aaaa rhyme so I looked and realized either she has above average knowledge of the old poets or she is damn discerning, as you are also, because to me own does not rhyme with drown or town but in Victorian and actually all the way back to the Greeks if the letters were the same in two words it was considered a rhyme if they were used with that intent. Screw it, as my mom always said: "If two words are equal in meaning but one of those words will hurt another's feelings, use the words that won't hurt but still work." So I have applied mom's rule to this poem and here is the new version of that line. I dropped the word own and substituted 'escape' and it is much better. So I thank you again and the other reviewer for nudging me to do my work. I think I did. tom

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

Ok, back again professor. Once I started to edit my lack of a disciplined governor on my motor-brain kicked in and because it did and because it was you who began my mania, I humbly submit dear Prof. what is now I think a poem truly worthy of Omar Kahayyam and his masterpiece of genius the 'Rubaiyyat." Thank you my friend for not only teaching and prodding my writing but making a lazy writer who rarely rewrites anything, which almost shows a disdain for the art he supposedly loves, and made me work and utilize more of 'me' than is usually presented in my poems or, I guess, anywhere else. Thank you Ezra Pound and Dr. Freud. tom

reply by the author on 06-Feb-2018

Come, take the tally, tear the table down,
Sequester not the liar in the town,
For he hath given haste and made escape
To run into the lake where liar's drown.

Let feet not steep too deep upon the grape
As vineyards keep the sweet and purple shape
To gift a cobbler who shall make the shoe
That slips around the foot as measure tape.

The fruit upon the vine is mine to gain
To ease my passage through this edge of pain;
'Tis mine to keep, 'tis mine to toss in fire
And never take the way of shame again.

The ecstasy and poignancy of lust
Is part of human beauty man must trust,
Until awareness ceases to exist
When flesh is once again turned into dust.

Each session of discretion dissects blight
To fragments of eternal wrong and right
Infused with two essential elements
That fuel the sun and moonlight of the night.

Sweet mystery of life, not found when dead,
But in anticipation free of dread,
For life begins anew with every breath
And every rising from the slumber bed.

Drink long and deep from fruited flask so sweet,
To energize the dreams one soon shall meet
With vivid recollections of the calm
Enwrapped by sated days of balm to greet.

Now voices cloistered in rebellion sing,
Beyond the grove of Willows grown in spring.
Then fate of state must make grave changes which
Will leave rebellion grounded without wing.

The secret buried casualties of war
Still whisper words of wisdom on the shore
Of life; where icy-fingers grasp at last
The brutal truth of man's now empty core.