I Gave you soup
A fictional tale about lending a helping hand.25 total reviews
Comment from Douglas Goff
I too, love soup. I mean, who does not?
Great piece. I was spending a quiet evening reviewing your work when I saw this one needed a 25th review. Here it is! Have a great weekend, my friend.
D
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2023
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I too, love soup. I mean, who does not?
Great piece. I was spending a quiet evening reviewing your work when I saw this one needed a 25th review. Here it is! Have a great weekend, my friend.
D
Comment Written 03-Nov-2023
reply by the author on 03-Nov-2023
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You my dear friend, are very much appreciated. Thank you all over again.
Comment from rama devi
Excellent fictional POV - I thought it was authentic non-fiction until I saw your notes. That means the characterization in your poem is true to life and well done!This has a fine flow and rhyming. It works fine with no punctuation. Favorite stanza:
I gave you soup
insisted that you would be a star
Believed in you
I even let you borrow my car
Superb rhyme pair here:
Did not say thanks
But I'm sure you appreciated
The care I gave
When your talent was underrated
I would add 'You' in the front of the first line of the above stanza, so it would read:
You did not say thanks
I like the closing note of keeping soup on hand. However, the first line of the last stanza is confusing the way it is voiced. I believe you mean "You don't write or call". But not putting the pronoun in there, the sentence reads like a command from the protagonist to the one to whom the poem is addressed, with the demand: "Don't write or call!"
Thus, I do suggest adding the pronoun YOU there as well. Otherwise, the first line is contradictory to the flavor of the subsequent lines. Hope that makes sense?
This has a nice presentaiton. Great theme. Helping hands...so inspirational
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Excellent fictional POV - I thought it was authentic non-fiction until I saw your notes. That means the characterization in your poem is true to life and well done!This has a fine flow and rhyming. It works fine with no punctuation. Favorite stanza:
I gave you soup
insisted that you would be a star
Believed in you
I even let you borrow my car
Superb rhyme pair here:
Did not say thanks
But I'm sure you appreciated
The care I gave
When your talent was underrated
I would add 'You' in the front of the first line of the above stanza, so it would read:
You did not say thanks
I like the closing note of keeping soup on hand. However, the first line of the last stanza is confusing the way it is voiced. I believe you mean "You don't write or call". But not putting the pronoun in there, the sentence reads like a command from the protagonist to the one to whom the poem is addressed, with the demand: "Don't write or call!"
Thus, I do suggest adding the pronoun YOU there as well. Otherwise, the first line is contradictory to the flavor of the subsequent lines. Hope that makes sense?
This has a nice presentaiton. Great theme. Helping hands...so inspirational
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 27-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Thank you for your excellent assessment and suggestion. Sometimes in an effort to conform to syllable count I have sacrificed content. I have already resolved to no longer do that and following your suggestion I will put back the "You" in that line of the poem. Thank you.
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Thanks for your gracious reply. Ah yes, that is the challenge of syllable count limits...glad you liked my suggestion.
Warmly,
rd
Comment from James H. Oldfield
Fiction or not, you indeed make an excellent point (and a wonderful choice of example, of the simple but life-changing actions that make up a person' so life).
Nothing to fault here, a quite profound piece,
Very well done.
Take care.
-James
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
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Fiction or not, you indeed make an excellent point (and a wonderful choice of example, of the simple but life-changing actions that make up a person' so life).
Nothing to fault here, a quite profound piece,
Very well done.
Take care.
-James
Comment Written 01-Feb-2018
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
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Thank you very much. I am humbled by your generous comments.
Comment from Janet Foor
Sadly, I'm sure this is true and you have written about this situation beautifully.
I Gave you soup is an excellent analogy for this problem.
Excellent abcb rhyme in this well written poem.
Well done
Janet
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
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Sadly, I'm sure this is true and you have written about this situation beautifully.
I Gave you soup is an excellent analogy for this problem.
Excellent abcb rhyme in this well written poem.
Well done
Janet
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
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Thank you Janet, I appreciate your wonderful comments.
Comment from Meia (MESAYERS)
Don't write or call
I still think of you as my dear friend
Keep soup on hand
In case you should need my help again ' You seem such a sweet thing....so kind and lovely. A great poem I love it well done kindest and warmest regards Meia xx
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
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Don't write or call
I still think of you as my dear friend
Keep soup on hand
In case you should need my help again ' You seem such a sweet thing....so kind and lovely. A great poem I love it well done kindest and warmest regards Meia xx
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
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Hello my sweet dear friend. Praise from you is praise well received. Thank you so much, I love and appreciate you.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
I like the style of this. I like the message of this, the flow, the content. The accompanying artwork goes great with this and is spot on. Thank you for sharing this. Well done.
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
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I like the style of this. I like the message of this, the flow, the content. The accompanying artwork goes great with this and is spot on. Thank you for sharing this. Well done.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 01-Feb-2018
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Oh boy. It is a good thing that I am used to receiving compliments, else I would get a swelled head. No chance of that, I have only to look at all the negative comments I have received over the years or just look at the difgference in quality as I have struggled to learn how to write. Thank you very much for your kindness.
Comment from Boogienights
I liked this very much. I think you are right, that when people achieve success they tend to forget who was behind them the whole time pushing. Many children who grow up well, sometimes forget how much of who they became is because of their parents.Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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I liked this very much. I think you are right, that when people achieve success they tend to forget who was behind them the whole time pushing. Many children who grow up well, sometimes forget how much of who they became is because of their parents.Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Thank you. Your wise comments show a wealth of understanding. If my mom was still alive, I wonder if I would have the wisdom to turn to her to say thank you every time someone complimented me on something I achieved because of what she taught me.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi there;
This poem was well written telling the story of someone so willing to help, they continue to believe in the person - even if the person doesn't even take the time to call and never gave a proper thank-you. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Hi there;
This poem was well written telling the story of someone so willing to help, they continue to believe in the person - even if the person doesn't even take the time to call and never gave a proper thank-you. Thank you for sharing,
~patty~
Comment Written 31-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Thank you Patty. As sad as it may seem, it really seems that this is a common theme in our society. So many times, people who have had the good fortune to rise to a status of fortune and fame forget about or just ignore the people who helped them to get there. Their fall from the top will likely leave bruises and scars.
Comment from For better for verse
Many people who have achieved great success forget about who helped them on their way up, but of course it's a funny old life and things can change
This was a good poem which I enjoyed, it was well written and carried a message......well done.
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Many people who have achieved great success forget about who helped them on their way up, but of course it's a funny old life and things can change
This was a good poem which I enjoyed, it was well written and carried a message......well done.
Comment Written 30-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 31-Jan-2018
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Thank you. In my humble opinion, your verse is better than most. I appreciate your time.
Comment from doggymad
Excellent write and observation on those who forget their origins when the become successful.
It is sad that they don't come back but so true that there is always that one person who waits to pick up the pieces should they fail
hugs
Freda
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2018
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Excellent write and observation on those who forget their origins when the become successful.
It is sad that they don't come back but so true that there is always that one person who waits to pick up the pieces should they fail
hugs
Freda
Comment Written 30-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 30-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much, your excellent review really warms my heart.
