2018 Bernie and Howie Stories
Viewing comments for Chapter 20 "Bernie...where am I?"...stories and poems about the boys
34 total reviews
Comment from Ricky1024
This was well written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well with no grammar issues as well.
Adjective Content was aligned well with Objective Content and Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Dr Ricky 1024.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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This was well written with great theme and imagery.
It flowed well and read well with no grammar issues as well.
Adjective Content was aligned well with Objective Content and Descriptive Measures aligned perfectly.
Dr Ricky 1024.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for the R&R,
~patty~
Comment from robina1978
A lovely photo of one of your dogs. They were put in a kennel, when their boss was moving house. They felt at on time they would never see her back. But they did: in another house. They can play in the yard in the afternoon. The six is as it is such a nice story.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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A lovely photo of one of your dogs. They were put in a kennel, when their boss was moving house. They felt at on time they would never see her back. But they did: in another house. They can play in the yard in the afternoon. The six is as it is such a nice story.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much for the lovely review.
~patty~
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
Bernie was used (to)
Maggie took he (him)
YOu put the unease and yet the happiness into your POV for the two. Very well done
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Bernie was used (to)
Maggie took he (him)
YOu put the unease and yet the happiness into your POV for the two. Very well done
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Hi, Barb;
Thank you so much for the R&R. I appreciate your kind words and your help with the nits,
~patty~
Comment from Joy Graham
Hi Patty,
- "Bernie was used () the Mistress handing over his leash..." used (to) the Mistress...
- "...his nose led him (further) down the hall..." - should be farther since it measures distance.
- "Bernie licked his front paws one () a time and kept..." - one (at) a time
This is a fun story about the pets exploring their new home. My Lexie doesn't like it when I go to the basement to work on my computer. She always taps my arm, stands on her hind legs, and stares into my eyes. She's hilarious to me, but I have to get work done from time to time. She prefers her comfy chairs upstairs by the living room window.
Joy xx
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Hi Patty,
- "Bernie was used () the Mistress handing over his leash..." used (to) the Mistress...
- "...his nose led him (further) down the hall..." - should be farther since it measures distance.
- "Bernie licked his front paws one () a time and kept..." - one (at) a time
This is a fun story about the pets exploring their new home. My Lexie doesn't like it when I go to the basement to work on my computer. She always taps my arm, stands on her hind legs, and stares into my eyes. She's hilarious to me, but I have to get work done from time to time. She prefers her comfy chairs upstairs by the living room window.
Joy xx
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Hi, Joy;
Thank you so much for the R&R. I appreciate your kind words and your help with the nits. Maybe you should get a comfy chair downstairs for Lexie. She probably prefers to be by you!
~patty~
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Everything we put downstairs gets wrecked by the dogs. They have separation anxiety and remove all the stuffing from furniture and destroy carpets.
Comment from apky
Poor Bernie, I can so understand him. Even I have problems when we move to another of our places and I have to orient myself when I wake up in the morning as to where I was...
Yes, Bernie, you can feel a little lost. Thank God you now know you're home.
Early one morning, the Mistress had taken he(him - unless you follow a different rule in US English) and Howie for a ride.
Bernie was used (to) the Mistress handing over his leash
Maggie took he(him) and Howie to their big room
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Poor Bernie, I can so understand him. Even I have problems when we move to another of our places and I have to orient myself when I wake up in the morning as to where I was...
Yes, Bernie, you can feel a little lost. Thank God you now know you're home.
Early one morning, the Mistress had taken he(him - unless you follow a different rule in US English) and Howie for a ride.
Bernie was used (to) the Mistress handing over his leash
Maggie took he(him) and Howie to their big room
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Hi, Aki;
Thank you so much for the R&R. I appreciate your kind words and your help with the nits; not sure what is up with me this morning - think I'm tired of putting things away!
~patty~
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
So you are all settled in bar a few boxes? It's always fun when you move somewhere different, when it's all gone to plan. I know you had a couple of hiccups, but you have your new home now and Howie and Bernie and happy. Loved this story through the eyes of Bernie. A pleasure to read, my friend. :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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So you are all settled in bar a few boxes? It's always fun when you move somewhere different, when it's all gone to plan. I know you had a couple of hiccups, but you have your new home now and Howie and Bernie and happy. Loved this story through the eyes of Bernie. A pleasure to read, my friend. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Hi, Sandra;
Yes, I have the remaining boxes sitting in the rooms they go in -- well, with the exception of the guest room. The bed is still in parts, and there are several boxes in there that I have no idea about,
But, I can relax a bit - and take some much needed rest, (along with two little doggies who are tired out from exploring,)
~patty~
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I think it all sounds like fun, Patty. Moving into a new home and getting used to the layout, is quite exciting. xx
Comment from patcelaw
Just as we humans must adjust to a new place, it is so with the pets we own. I enjoyed the story of Bernie and Howie and am glad they are getting adjusted to their new home. Patricia
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Just as we humans must adjust to a new place, it is so with the pets we own. I enjoyed the story of Bernie and Howie and am glad they are getting adjusted to their new home. Patricia
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Hi, Patricia;
Thank you so much for the R&R. Yes, the dogs are getting used to this new place along with me. I had the unsettling feeling of not knowing where I was as I woke up this morning,
~patty~
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In a few month I will probably have the same feeling when I move to Arizona.
Comment from Vivian Newkirk
Such a sweet story. I got confused about Maggie and MIstress. In the second para you have Bernie being handed over to Maggie, "tears in her eyes." Too, if the dogs and Mistress took a ride, was that in an elevator? I think you should work on that aspect to clarify the place. As to "the screen thing" was that a tv?
You have some grammatical errors, nothing big. he/him usage. He is usually last if speaking of himself as in "took he and him..." he is a subject word; took is a verb so you use him.
If you can use past tense, don't use past perfect. "had found"
Avoid using passive as in"Bernie's mind was swirling" can easily be written"Bernie's mind swirled" which is more forceful.
The paragraph about the "screen", 4 and 8--I'd combine as you talk about the screen in both. At least combine the sentences about the screen. And, what had a hole as in "The huge screen was in the room with a hole that smelled like smoke."
you wrote it as the room had a hole. I thought the group had moved to a new apt.At least that sentence should be adjacent the sentence in para 4. However, why would Mistress fiddle with it if it is a tv screen if there's a hole? See what I mean? You really have me confused as to this being a new apt and Maggie is suddenly out of the picture.
"pretty soon" is trite. Say both dogs became tired from all that play
"Curled" and "Lifting" are participles that aren't used in good writing(you do want to achieve that, don't you?) nowadays. Make them verbs. You learned that in English grammar, in writing you have to change.
I think your writing could be tighter. Even is this is a children's story, compound sentences can be combined into one, and have a short sentence somewhere, about three/four words to emphasize Bernie's feeling. as in "Bernie felt alone." "Such a strange place".
I'm pleased you didn't overuse adverbs, -ly. You use 2 if I remember. The lasts one, "Finally" is absolutely unnecessary. You can avoid this by putting first in sentence, " As Bernie's eyes began to close" and finish the sentence. The following sentence could be more forceful with fewer words as in "He wasn't lost. He was home where he belonged." Put your strongest thought first.
You need to brush up on writing techniques. You have the potential to do well. A nice story that needs a few more times editing. Put this away for a week and read aloud. If you trip while reading, you've lost the flow and should change wording.
Good luck.
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reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Such a sweet story. I got confused about Maggie and MIstress. In the second para you have Bernie being handed over to Maggie, "tears in her eyes." Too, if the dogs and Mistress took a ride, was that in an elevator? I think you should work on that aspect to clarify the place. As to "the screen thing" was that a tv?
You have some grammatical errors, nothing big. he/him usage. He is usually last if speaking of himself as in "took he and him..." he is a subject word; took is a verb so you use him.
If you can use past tense, don't use past perfect. "had found"
Avoid using passive as in"Bernie's mind was swirling" can easily be written"Bernie's mind swirled" which is more forceful.
The paragraph about the "screen", 4 and 8--I'd combine as you talk about the screen in both. At least combine the sentences about the screen. And, what had a hole as in "The huge screen was in the room with a hole that smelled like smoke."
you wrote it as the room had a hole. I thought the group had moved to a new apt.At least that sentence should be adjacent the sentence in para 4. However, why would Mistress fiddle with it if it is a tv screen if there's a hole? See what I mean? You really have me confused as to this being a new apt and Maggie is suddenly out of the picture.
"pretty soon" is trite. Say both dogs became tired from all that play
"Curled" and "Lifting" are participles that aren't used in good writing(you do want to achieve that, don't you?) nowadays. Make them verbs. You learned that in English grammar, in writing you have to change.
I think your writing could be tighter. Even is this is a children's story, compound sentences can be combined into one, and have a short sentence somewhere, about three/four words to emphasize Bernie's feeling. as in "Bernie felt alone." "Such a strange place".
I'm pleased you didn't overuse adverbs, -ly. You use 2 if I remember. The lasts one, "Finally" is absolutely unnecessary. You can avoid this by putting first in sentence, " As Bernie's eyes began to close" and finish the sentence. The following sentence could be more forceful with fewer words as in "He wasn't lost. He was home where he belonged." Put your strongest thought first.
You need to brush up on writing techniques. You have the potential to do well. A nice story that needs a few more times editing. Put this away for a week and read aloud. If you trip while reading, you've lost the flow and should change wording.
Good luck.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Thank you for your thoughtful and concise review. The Bernie and Howie stories have quite a following both on this site and through the newsletters of Veterinarians that purchase them.
I will take a look at your suggestions. I usually post my stories here first to see if they are accepted and then do a final polish for publication.
~patty~
Comment from Rasmine
Patty,
That is great! When I finally moved into this apartment complex, it took Kameo a few hours to come out of the closet but she did finally and loved it.
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Patty,
That is great! When I finally moved into this apartment complex, it took Kameo a few hours to come out of the closet but she did finally and loved it.
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Hi, Nome;
Yes, our pets have a much harder time moving than we do - but once they're settled, they make the space theirs!
~patty~
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Yes. Even the little kitten I took in. She fell asleep behind the couch, now the apartment is all hers -- and I mean 'hers!'
Comment from Wetbelly01
This is a great little story!...
I would say that you've got a pretty good insight on your dogs...
My compliments on this fine story...
Don't see any problems with it...
Well Done, as far as I'm concerned!
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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This is a great little story!...
I would say that you've got a pretty good insight on your dogs...
My compliments on this fine story...
Don't see any problems with it...
Well Done, as far as I'm concerned!
Comment Written 29-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jan-2018
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Hi there;
Thank you so much for your thoughtful R&R. I appreciate your time,
~patty~
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You're very welcome!!
