Ultimate Payback
Be careful who you throw under the bus.10 total reviews
Comment from Alec Gould
This was very good. It held my attention due to the laid back conversation for something so serious. Yet, brought a smile upon my face. :) Have a great week my friend! ~Alec
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This was very good. It held my attention due to the laid back conversation for something so serious. Yet, brought a smile upon my face. :) Have a great week my friend! ~Alec
Comment Written 15-Jan-2018
Comment from Thomas Bowling
That's one way to get rid of the competition. This is an excellent story and a very good contest entry. You should do well in the contest. I wish you the best.
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That's one way to get rid of the competition. This is an excellent story and a very good contest entry. You should do well in the contest. I wish you the best.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from Sis Cat
Wow, what a compelling dialogue only flash fiction about the ultimate payback. You kept tension throughout as Darlene fears her colleague has poisoned her wine. I sense the anger between the two:
"Did you put something in my wine?"
"Why would I do that? Perhaps, because you stole my idea, presenting it to the boss as your own? Do you think I would want to kill you because of that?"
"You bitch!"
Your writing is tight with no wasted words. You end on a cliffhanger of suspense:
"Someone call an ambulance, Darlene is having a heart attack."
Really?
Your flash fiction engaged my imagination. Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success with your entry.
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Wow, what a compelling dialogue only flash fiction about the ultimate payback. You kept tension throughout as Darlene fears her colleague has poisoned her wine. I sense the anger between the two:
"Did you put something in my wine?"
"Why would I do that? Perhaps, because you stole my idea, presenting it to the boss as your own? Do you think I would want to kill you because of that?"
"You bitch!"
Your writing is tight with no wasted words. You end on a cliffhanger of suspense:
"Someone call an ambulance, Darlene is having a heart attack."
Really?
Your flash fiction engaged my imagination. Thank you for sharing. I wish you contest success with your entry.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Is there anything worse than a work stealer? I think not. I was always in business for myself and we work hard for whatever advantage we can get. I loved it. xx deborah
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Is there anything worse than a work stealer? I think not. I was always in business for myself and we work hard for whatever advantage we can get. I loved it. xx deborah
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from barbara.wilkey
LOL I have felt that way before. I enjoyed you reading your 75 flash fiction contest entry. I didn't count the words, but I'm sure you can and did. I wish you the best of luck
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LOL I have felt that way before. I enjoyed you reading your 75 flash fiction contest entry. I didn't count the words, but I'm sure you can and did. I wish you the best of luck
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from c_lucas
A dishonest co-worker needs to be brought into line. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
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A dishonest co-worker needs to be brought into line. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is very good imagery.
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a scary write! I once worked with someone who told me he kept drugs in his case to calm his dog, I took this as a warning and never drank any drink I had left unattended, this was very real, and your write reminded me of that time! Scary and real, love Dolly x
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This is a scary write! I once worked with someone who told me he kept drugs in his case to calm his dog, I took this as a warning and never drank any drink I had left unattended, this was very real, and your write reminded me of that time! Scary and real, love Dolly x
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from F. Wehr3
I enjoyed this flash piece. I paused on the called her a bastard. One would think he'd used something different, but other than that good work.
Best of luck in the contest,
Russell
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I enjoyed this flash piece. I paused on the called her a bastard. One would think he'd used something different, but other than that good work.
Best of luck in the contest,
Russell
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
Oh how the blood boils when this happens...
So very true but maybe stopping just a bit short of murder... then again.
"I..., I can't breathe." - you don't need the comma after the ellipsis. the ellipsis represents an elongated pause so in essence you have a long pause followed by a short one...
Good stuff. Short, sweet, on point.
G
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hi there,
Oh how the blood boils when this happens...
So very true but maybe stopping just a bit short of murder... then again.
"I..., I can't breathe." - you don't need the comma after the ellipsis. the ellipsis represents an elongated pause so in essence you have a long pause followed by a short one...
Good stuff. Short, sweet, on point.
G
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 75 Word Flash Fiction writing prompt.
Nicely written with your few, well chosen words. A good story.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
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I think this is a good entry for the 75 Word Flash Fiction writing prompt.
Nicely written with your few, well chosen words. A good story.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 14-Jan-2018
