Comment from F. Wehr3

Excellent

Interesting story within a story, Rhonda. The Piasa Bird reminded me of a griffon. I look forward to where you take this story.

The young boy was paralyzed by fear as he watched two enormous clawed feet grab his brother by the back of his overalls and begin lifting him from the ground.--I have a couple of suggestions for this sentence. I would remove "he watched" from the sentence and change grab to grabbed and begin to began.

Good luck with your project,
Russell

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

I had the grab and begin like that and was corrected by another reviewer. I'll look it over again. Thanks!

I also like the idea of removing the "he watched". I felt that part a bit awkward as well. Thanks for the suggestion. Thanks, also, for the review and comments.

I've had others mention the griffon as well, and I think the piasa is a sort of North American griffon. For this book, I'm going to try to come up with creatures from North America, just because they don't appear in too many stories. I don't think we're as imaginative here. haha.

Thanks for the review, my friend!

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from RPSaxena

Excellent

Hello Rhonda,
The Piasa Bird - It's a nice piece of Fantasy Fiction having smooth flow and depicting its theme in an interesting way.
I like this line very much: "I teach them to imagine new things, but I encourage them to seek truth."

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

Thank you for the wonderful review! I appreciate your comments, and especially where you pointed out what you liked.

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from apky

Excellent

The story continues to entertain me. I believe Nara is softening to at least some of the Southern charm, not to mention the food. I liked her last thoguhts:

How do you counter finding out the local redneck is actually your colleague, and a very talented one at that?

Well, ma'am, try to figure out the one about not judging a book by its cover or some such.

 Comment Written 15-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

Good point! She is having a lot of trouble being judgmental. She's also dealing with a broken heart, so pushing others away may be a defense mechanism. Still, I think she's melting a bit....

Thanks again,
Rhonda

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

You have very good dialogue in your story. Your characters speak well with each other. Good dialogue is hard to get right. You do an excellent job of it.

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

Thank you, Thomas. My problem is usually putting too much dialogue and not enough description. I'm working on trying to "set the stage" better, but thanks for helping with your comments.

Take care,
Rhonda

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

Oooh ! I think Nara has met her match! I'm hoping for a romance to bloom with Hank. (I'm not saying I think this is a romance but they seem like a perfect pair.) Interesting thing - never heard about the piasa bird before. Looking forward to how Riley's stories will interweave with reality.

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

Thank you for your comments, my friend!
Yes, Nara has a bit of a challenge with a man she mistook for a dimwit.
I'm researching some North American legends, just to try something different from vampires and werewolves, haha.

Thanks for your help,
Rhonda

Comment from flylikeaneagle

Exceptional

I'm glad that I have a six stars to give to you. I didn't know about this
Piasa Bird. It was a great scary story for the children and parents. I like
how the PaPa shot at this bird. The teacher is talented for the area. I'm
sure the children like him. Are you adding more stories to this chapter?
Well done, Rhonda. I like San Antonio and it's old mansions. Do you go
to the riverwalk a lot? We have a river but no one does any dining by it.
Main Street is on the other side of the river. flylikeaneagle

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

Wow, thank you for the wonderful six star rating. You're doing good to still have sixes left. I usually spend them pretty quickly!
I don't still live in San Antonio. I'm in the Dallas area now, but go back to visit sometimes.
I do love the River Walk. It's beautiful.
I had heard of the Piasa before, but didn't know a lot. I'm researching North American legends for this book, just for something different. A lot of them have to do with the Native Americans, but some are from early settlers.

I so appreciate the stars and feedback.

Take care,
Rhonda

reply by flylikeaneagle on 15-Jan-2018

Rhonda: we lived in Dallas for 18 years. John worked for Neiman Marcus at NorthPark and I worked for women's boutiques and Dillards. We loved LaMadeline. I bought the bread and gave this to my daughters. Loved the decorations at the mall. Best place for children is the White Rock lake Arborteum. Have you discovered favorite places? Good memories. nancy

reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

I at at LaMadeline just the other day with my sister. Yes, I know White Rock Lake, and North Park Mall. Small world, isn't it??

reply by flylikeaneagle on 15-Jan-2018

We are in Minnesota now. I feel like a city girl in a country wilderness. Yes, the area is wonderful and expensive. We lived in Rockwall, then Richardson. We loved Stone Bridge Ranch and SouthFork. Monica remembers all the museums downtown and Owens Farm. We spent a lot of time at health clubs and swam together. Fun. nancy

Comment from BeasPeas

Exceptional

This is a super write. Good dialogue throughout among several characters. Explanation of legend and story telling are very good. I enjoyed your author's note about the Piasa bird. Well done. Marilyn

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 15-Jan-2018

Thank you, Marilyn. I respect your opinion on my writing, and so appreciate the six stars. You know how much I love your work!!

Take care,
Rhonda

reply by BeasPeas on 15-Jan-2018

You're welcome.

Comment from MelB

Exceptional

This is a fantastic chapter, Rhonda! I really enjoyed the story within the story.

How do you counter finding out the local redneck is actually your colleague, and a very talented one at that? - that is a dilemma!

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018

Thank you for the six stars, my friend! I'm so glad you like the story. Yes, poor Nara is faced with many dilemmas! haha.

Take care,
Rhonda

reply by MelB on 14-Jan-2018

You're welcome. Yes, she is!

Comment from royowen

Excellent

This is a story of your own style and creative abilities Rhonda, I love the way you move with such ease, creating and completely believable culture in the process. Heroes, braved and resourceful, going back to childhood experiences to glean a hero, brave focussed. Well done, my friend, excellent. No typos or spags, well done, blessings, Roy

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018

Thank you so much, Roy! I appreciate your comments on the chapter. I'm also glad you perceive it as "such ease". That's how I feel about your poetry. It always seems to just flow. I would love to say it is easy, but we all know it isn't so much.

Thank you again.
Have a wonderful week!
Rhonda

Comment from barbara.wilkey

Exceptional

Love it and Love it some more. I find Nara a very interesting lady and can't wait to find out more about her. I'm sure there's a lot to learn. Great Storyline!!!

 Comment Written 14-Jan-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Jan-2018

Wow, thank you, Barbara! I love the stars, and the comments even more. You're a sweetheart!

Hugs,
Rhonda