Gunplay
Many a hero remains unknown16 total reviews
Comment from Teri7
lol This is a really cute and well written 100 Word Flash Fiction story you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive wording and cute imagery with your words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2018
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lol This is a really cute and well written 100 Word Flash Fiction story you have penned for the contest. You used very good descriptive wording and cute imagery with your words. Best wishes in the contest. Teri
Comment Written 13-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2018
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Thank you, and God bless!
Comment from Connie C
What a great entry for this contest, Dennis. I really wondered where you were going with this, and I love how you ended it. Tex was a little boy! Great surprise ending. My best to you in the contest.
Connie
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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What a great entry for this contest, Dennis. I really wondered where you were going with this, and I love how you ended it. Tex was a little boy! Great surprise ending. My best to you in the contest.
Connie
Comment Written 11-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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Thanks Connie that was a fun one which your review made even better for me. :)
Comment from l.raven
HI Dennis, LOL...you had me going there for a minute...I should have guessed...very well written my sweet friend...and the picture is what through me off...LOL...love Linda xxoo
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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HI Dennis, LOL...you had me going there for a minute...I should have guessed...very well written my sweet friend...and the picture is what through me off...LOL...love Linda xxoo
Comment Written 11-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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My little fun one, people seem to enjoy it but I?m especially glad you did! God bless you, Dennis
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God Bless you as well sweet guy...love xxoo
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Dennis,
This is a very cute little piece. It is well written and a good solid bit of fun.
the last line is a zinger, too. lol
All the best
G
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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Hi Dennis,
This is a very cute little piece. It is well written and a good solid bit of fun.
the last line is a zinger, too. lol
All the best
G
Comment Written 11-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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Thank you my friend, glad you liked it! God bless, Dennis
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the 100 Word Flash Fiction writing prompt.
A good story, well written. I like the twist at the end. If I could make one suggestion? I would say, in the last paragraph;
An hour later, all was still. Tex's Mom picked up the sleeping boy and laid him on his bed.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the 100 Word Flash Fiction writing prompt.
A good story, well written. I like the twist at the end. If I could make one suggestion? I would say, in the last paragraph;
An hour later, all was still. Tex's Mom picked up the sleeping boy and laid him on his bed.
Well done and good luck to you with the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 11-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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Thank you for a thoughtful review. Several others have suggested changing the ending but more people have loved it the way it is, especially some who had to read it twice to "get it". Once they do however, it seems to have a greater impact on them.
God bless, DEnnis
Comment from Spitfire
You're on a roll these days, Superman. Excellent verb choices in paragraph one and two to set a fast action story.
like a mama bear on a fresh salmon. --great simile.
An ending that reminded me of the days I played a cowgirl chasing the outlaws. Always caught them too. :-) LL
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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You're on a roll these days, Superman. Excellent verb choices in paragraph one and two to set a fast action story.
like a mama bear on a fresh salmon. --great simile.
An ending that reminded me of the days I played a cowgirl chasing the outlaws. Always caught them too. :-) LL
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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Apparently the outlaws are now chasing you! I did read of your recent adventure. What you need is a trusty six-shooter ... no, on second thought, you handled it well.? As Barry Fitzgerald told John Wayne in The Quit Man re Maureen O?Hara, ?Aye, that red hair of hers is no lie.?
You didn?t even need Super Man! :) Thanks for the nice review. Best to you, CK
Comment from Janet Foor
I love it Dennis . You had me all the way to the very end and the ending was priceless. Very nicely done my friend and good luck with the 100 word flash fiction contest.
blessings
Janet
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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I love it Dennis . You had me all the way to the very end and the ending was priceless. Very nicely done my friend and good luck with the 100 word flash fiction contest.
blessings
Janet
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Haha you made my day! Thanks for telling me I got ya! LOL
You?re the best! Blessings, Dennis
Comment from Jay Squires
Dang! This is good fare, my friend. After reading it through twice, I came to the conclusion that the reader must also come to in order to receive the payoff of enjoyment: That conclusion is that Tex is just a little tyke which could only account for his mother PICKING HIM UP before putting him to bed. If you could finagle ONE MORE WORD I'd suggest putting "tiny" before "Tex's". Otherwise, I'd be afraid others might do as I did the first read-through and think it was a melodramatic and cliche-ridden story, then not read it through the second time to find the rich layer beneath. (Hear me out about the "cliche-ridden": IT'S NOT AT ALL CLICHE-RIDDEN WHEN IT'S TOLD FROM THE MIND OF A YOUNG CHILD!) I hope you see what I mean. You don't want to have the reader's mind left with an older woman whose arms are like Popeye's carrying her full-grown son home the five miles from where he was shot, to place him in his "bed", his final resting place.
Good luck with the contest, Deniz22.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Dang! This is good fare, my friend. After reading it through twice, I came to the conclusion that the reader must also come to in order to receive the payoff of enjoyment: That conclusion is that Tex is just a little tyke which could only account for his mother PICKING HIM UP before putting him to bed. If you could finagle ONE MORE WORD I'd suggest putting "tiny" before "Tex's". Otherwise, I'd be afraid others might do as I did the first read-through and think it was a melodramatic and cliche-ridden story, then not read it through the second time to find the rich layer beneath. (Hear me out about the "cliche-ridden": IT'S NOT AT ALL CLICHE-RIDDEN WHEN IT'S TOLD FROM THE MIND OF A YOUNG CHILD!) I hope you see what I mean. You don't want to have the reader's mind left with an older woman whose arms are like Popeye's carrying her full-grown son home the five miles from where he was shot, to place him in his "bed", his final resting place.
Good luck with the contest, Deniz22.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Well, I truly appreciate you taking time to read, reread and then give a kind review.
However, I have to disagree with your suggestion.
It?s got a surprise ending and tipping my hand before it?s sprung on them simply isn?t going to get the same reaction. The reviews unanimously love it and like you, had to re-read it to really get it.
The very ludicrous idea of a mother suddenly appearing on the scene to pick up her son whose been in a shoot out and put him to bed is a sharp alert to see this is not your ordinary oater.
Besides, most writers are good readers as well. So thank you again, Dennis
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written hundred word flash fiction. Boys like to play gun games. They will play the whole day until they are all out and sleeping like tired little boys.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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A very well-written hundred word flash fiction. Boys like to play gun games. They will play the whole day until they are all out and sleeping like tired little boys.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Thank you.
Comment from mermaids
Your ending surprised me, I wasn't expecting the gunman's mother to put him to bed. I am guessing this may be children at play. You have written a flash fiction that is a great entry for the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Your ending surprised me, I wasn't expecting the gunman's mother to put him to bed. I am guessing this may be children at play. You have written a flash fiction that is a great entry for the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2018
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Good guess! :)
