Ethereal Blue
Macrabre story of life and death8 total reviews
Comment from Sankey
Wow! This was really something. Certainly a very different kind of read. Glad I have found you. Looking forward to where you go from here. No spags either.Well done.
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Wow! This was really something. Certainly a very different kind of read. Glad I have found you. Looking forward to where you go from here. No spags either.Well done.
Comment Written 12-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018
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Hi Sankey - thanks for your three reviews. You dug back in the archives. Much appreciated. I don't get on FS much any more, but do appreciate you visiting. I'm going to check you out as well. Bill
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Thanks Bill hope you will look at Tootsie55 our trips book my wife wrote and I recently paid for another year for that account as well as many peopke were disappointed I did not say more in my book about the trips in fairness to Louise (Tootsie)
Comment from giraffmang
Poor old Jack, I wonder if the spiritual tether is fire-proof? I wonder also, if the process is described in too much detail? It takes up quite a bit of the tale and more time could have spent on the ending I think which feels a little rushed. Just my opinion.
I think if you go through the general narrative of this, you'll notice a fondness for using was/were/had. These can slow down that narrative and make it passive and more telling. Trying to eliminate as many instances as possible can make for a more immersive experience for the reader.
" I bet Dr. Phipps doesn't - delete the space following the opening speech marks.
She gave him a big hug. "I've been able to do this for years, but never trained someone else. You were the right one." Jack smiled back. "Okay, you've trained your trick pony. Now, what do I do with this?" - it's probably best to separate the different speakers out rather than rolling them together.
Nice
GMG
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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Poor old Jack, I wonder if the spiritual tether is fire-proof? I wonder also, if the process is described in too much detail? It takes up quite a bit of the tale and more time could have spent on the ending I think which feels a little rushed. Just my opinion.
I think if you go through the general narrative of this, you'll notice a fondness for using was/were/had. These can slow down that narrative and make it passive and more telling. Trying to eliminate as many instances as possible can make for a more immersive experience for the reader.
" I bet Dr. Phipps doesn't - delete the space following the opening speech marks.
She gave him a big hug. "I've been able to do this for years, but never trained someone else. You were the right one." Jack smiled back. "Okay, you've trained your trick pony. Now, what do I do with this?" - it's probably best to separate the different speakers out rather than rolling them together.
Nice
GMG
Comment Written 09-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2018
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thanks for reading and your comments. I appreciate both. I did have some formatting problems as my primary computer died and I was trying to make some corrections with my phone....not good! Bill
Comment from humpwhistle
An imaginative story, Bill. And a bit disturbing. Astral projection is a phenomenon I'm not versed in. Does a person's physical body actually transport?
I'm a bit confused.
Peace, Lee
Jack's schedule was hectic, still trying hard to get back on track. He made the appointment for after hours--I think this should be the beginning of a new paragraph.
He opened his eyes and found Claire smiling down on him. She gave him a big hug. "I've been able to do this for years, but never trained someone else. You were the right one." Jack smiled back. "Okay, you've trained your trick pony. Now, what do I do with this?" --Bill, I think this works better as three separate paragraphs.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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An imaginative story, Bill. And a bit disturbing. Astral projection is a phenomenon I'm not versed in. Does a person's physical body actually transport?
I'm a bit confused.
Peace, Lee
Jack's schedule was hectic, still trying hard to get back on track. He made the appointment for after hours--I think this should be the beginning of a new paragraph.
He opened his eyes and found Claire smiling down on him. She gave him a big hug. "I've been able to do this for years, but never trained someone else. You were the right one." Jack smiled back. "Okay, you've trained your trick pony. Now, what do I do with this?" --Bill, I think this works better as three separate paragraphs.
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reading and for spotting areas to revisit. You're right on all. regards, Bill
Comment from N.K. Wagner
Uh-oh! Sounds like Jack is in for one more hellish experience. A great story, Bill. One oops:
My last will and testament ask(S)...
An outstanding plot, expertly executed.
Happy New Year. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Uh-oh! Sounds like Jack is in for one more hellish experience. A great story, Bill. One oops:
My last will and testament ask(S)...
An outstanding plot, expertly executed.
Happy New Year. :) Nancy
Comment Written 08-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reading Nancy and for your kind and generous review!
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Very well done, the catch in the beginning is natural, fine plot development, steady to the thematic maturation, dialogues are realistic and real characterization, practicable resolved ending. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Very well done, the catch in the beginning is natural, fine plot development, steady to the thematic maturation, dialogues are realistic and real characterization, practicable resolved ending. Keep writing. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Thanks for reading and your encouragement. I appreciate both. Bill
Comment from c_lucas
The techniques you describe is one form of astral traveling. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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The techniques you describe is one form of astral traveling. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2018
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Thanks, Charlie!
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My pleasure.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is an interesting and intriguing story.
Well written, good detail. Nicely told.
I don't know if I believe in this stuff, but you've managed to make it sound real.
Sharon
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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This is an interesting and intriguing story.
Well written, good detail. Nicely told.
I don't know if I believe in this stuff, but you've managed to make it sound real.
Sharon
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Thanks Sharon - of course I believe (kinda!)
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am really glad to see you posted. You do need to separate your paragraph with spaces for better eye candy. You will get more reviews that way. You have a good story here, but the ending... I guess he won't have to worry about sleeping any more. Please come back and post more often.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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I am really glad to see you posted. You do need to separate your paragraph with spaces for better eye candy. You will get more reviews that way. You have a good story here, but the ending... I guess he won't have to worry about sleeping any more. Please come back and post more often.
Comment Written 07-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2018
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Barabara - haven't been on the site in awhile. I was still editing while you were reading! Web site has changed some. Always warm regards, Bill
