Legend Chasers
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Back at the Farm."An old man retells stories of fighting monsters.
26 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi Rhonda,
You may want to consider a mild language warning. people got funny when I used ass recently and you have a bastard in here...
You have a good strong set-up here and I can feel some parallels here with the other desert set story you had going on with Archie and co.
This is ripe with opportunity.
Interesting dynamics between Hank and Nara at this point. I have to admit to not liking Nara too much here. I don't find her character appealing. Stuck up is how I would describe here at this point, but I'm sure this will soften over the duration.
You've been most accomodating - accommodating.
Nara paused in her perusal of the room - I'm not sure perusal is the right word here. Also, if this is what she is doing, you could show this in the beats between the dialogue.
Or was it, she wondered, that there was something more to this place than met the eye? - I was wondering what drew her to this conclusion so early on in the proceedings. There's been nothing here or in the previous instalment to suggest there's anything out of the ordinary. I get the idea of foreshadowing but there possibly needs to be some indication of something not quite right.
If you find this review unhelpful then let me know and I'll stop reviewing. I don't want to be the reason for discouraging someone.
G
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Hi Rhonda,
You may want to consider a mild language warning. people got funny when I used ass recently and you have a bastard in here...
You have a good strong set-up here and I can feel some parallels here with the other desert set story you had going on with Archie and co.
This is ripe with opportunity.
Interesting dynamics between Hank and Nara at this point. I have to admit to not liking Nara too much here. I don't find her character appealing. Stuck up is how I would describe here at this point, but I'm sure this will soften over the duration.
You've been most accomodating - accommodating.
Nara paused in her perusal of the room - I'm not sure perusal is the right word here. Also, if this is what she is doing, you could show this in the beats between the dialogue.
Or was it, she wondered, that there was something more to this place than met the eye? - I was wondering what drew her to this conclusion so early on in the proceedings. There's been nothing here or in the previous instalment to suggest there's anything out of the ordinary. I get the idea of foreshadowing but there possibly needs to be some indication of something not quite right.
If you find this review unhelpful then let me know and I'll stop reviewing. I don't want to be the reason for discouraging someone.
G
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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I love the review. I don't have a problem with it, and don't want you to think otherwise. You always offer positive feedback as well as ways to improve.
Nara's character will soften, but it will take more than Hank to do so. She is stuck up, and she's hurting from a past experience. Just trying to contrast the characters.
Good call on the conclusion she drew on the strangeness. I'll clarify it. I think the foreshadowing was a bit out of sync.
There is a parallel here with the other book, but not intentionally. I wrote about west Texas as a nod to my father, who was from there. The other book I actually went to the place I was writing about and toured the area for research. It is funny I had both in that setting.
I will go back to the other books, especially Humanity Project. I am in the middle of moving and am distracted by all the mess involved in that. I went for not having to go back and reread to pick the thread up again. It's been a bit since I've had that one in my head.
Thanks, as always,
Rhonda
Comment from lyenochka
Aw. Good contrast of New York vs. small town Texan culture. I personally like the "Ma'am" politeness and Hank is absolutely right that one should keep an open and positive mind toward people first. I guess she would agree except she is free to express her opinions more.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Aw. Good contrast of New York vs. small town Texan culture. I personally like the "Ma'am" politeness and Hank is absolutely right that one should keep an open and positive mind toward people first. I guess she would agree except she is free to express her opinions more.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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She is a bit more abrasive, and comes from a culture where that is more the norm. She'll get retaught. lol.
Thanks for reading and keeping up.
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This is a nice, soft, and interesting educational story, plot is well connected to the theme; formal ending with showing the place around; well done. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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This is a nice, soft, and interesting educational story, plot is well connected to the theme; formal ending with showing the place around; well done. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2018
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Thank you so much, DR. I'll get the plot moving pretty quickly.
Take care, and have a great weekend,
Rhonda
Comment from apky
I think I'm on the cusp of digging my teeth on Nara and Hank.
I like how you play their characters off each other. Talk about opposites. Those two are like fire and ice, waiting (in my fantasy of course) to turn into water and electricity.
Just the romantic vein in me.
Very well written.
Just for my own enlightenment, are Frank and Hank one and the same person?
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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I think I'm on the cusp of digging my teeth on Nara and Hank.
I like how you play their characters off each other. Talk about opposites. Those two are like fire and ice, waiting (in my fantasy of course) to turn into water and electricity.
Just the romantic vein in me.
Very well written.
Just for my own enlightenment, are Frank and Hank one and the same person?
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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Ooops, sorry. I'll fix the problem. I just made a mistake. Thanks.
Thanks for your comments as well. You're a sweetheart!
Take care,
Rhonda
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Aha! She WANTS some excitement for a change. Good for her!
The picture you used is way too dark, so I brightened it up for you in Photoshop. Use it if you wish. Didn't take long to fix it, so whatever you do with it is fine.
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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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Aha! She WANTS some excitement for a change. Good for her!
The picture you used is way too dark, so I brightened it up for you in Photoshop. Use it if you wish. Didn't take long to fix it, so whatever you do with it is fine.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Phyllis. I've reposted it. Or so I think. I do appreciate you fixing it for me!
Good night,
Rhonda
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Glad you could use it. Just ask if something like that happens again. Photoshop is my constant companion here. :)
Comment from Sharon Haiste
This is interesting and well written.
I haven't read your previous chapters but I'd like to do so.
Thank you for sharing this fine work.
Sharon
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reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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This is interesting and well written.
I haven't read your previous chapters but I'd like to do so.
Thank you for sharing this fine work.
Sharon
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
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Thank you, Sharon. The good thing is, the first chapter still has money on it, and the one you just read was just the second chapter. Thanks for reading and reviewing!
Rhonda
