Reviews from

Spider and the Fly

A fable

37 total reviews 
Comment from Pantygynt
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is just so clever. It is full of suspended horror without the blood and gore that gets in the way in a lot of horror work. The feeling of threat that begins to hang over us at the half way point where the direction changes is masterful.

"As darkness descends
the web disappears,
and the pregnant twilight
fills with hunger and fear.
And just like the kitten
in its saucer of milk,
the wings of the fly
twist into the silk."

I don't think there is any escape for the fly this time.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
    Thank you, your kind words and praise mean alot.
Comment from nancyrabbrose
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Wow. That is a good poem. Well constructed, intriguing, mysterious and entertaining. I can understand the small influences of Kuch and RGstar. I agree, the illustration fits your poem perfectly. Well done.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
    Six stars!!! Wow, thank you!
Comment from c_lucas
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

We tend to be distracted and ignore the dangers life presents to us on a daily basis. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very interesting read. There is good imagery.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
    Thank you, your kind words and praise mean alot.
reply by c_lucas on 07-Jan-2018
    You're welcome.
Comment from Cheryl I
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This was quite fun to read. I liked "living the thrill of being the hunted, and dodging the kill." The rhyming is great, and I think you did a nice job on this. Cheryl

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    Thank you for your time and lovely review.
Comment from victor 66
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

This is a very nice, light and easy to read poem. It flowed very well and I think it's quite a gift to be able to write in such away that the reader, once starting to read, finds it difficult to stop. Well done.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    Thank you for your time and lovely review.
reply by victor 66 on 10-Jan-2018
    You are most welcome.
Comment from Rasmine
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hello,
Cool poem. I really got into the beat, measure, and rhyme! You could write a children's book with this. The best is rhyme's. I try to write books for children, but they are more story form. You did well.
I have one suggestion. Please use a larger font to aid in reading it. :D TY, :)

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    Thanks for your time and lovely review.
Comment from Brooklinn
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I don't give 6's too freely, but I thoroughly enjoyed this piece! The words chosen provide a very vivid imagery. The dialogue added a lot, as well, and the rhyming was terrific. Altogether, the poem had a wonderful flow to it. One of my favs so far. I look forward to reading more of your work.

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    A six! Thanks so much! I am elated that you enjoyed it.
Comment from sandramitchell
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I would hope if it was me, I would be the spider. At least he has a purpose in life ... killing the fly! lol. What a brilliant little poem, bouncy, and fun. But, which one was writing this? Hmm, I'm not sure. Well done, it was a fun piece of poetry. :) Sandra xx

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    Thank you for your time and lovely review.
Comment from Writeling
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Oooh, this is a real surprise and a treat. I really like your rhyming skills and the message fed through the poem

I will look for more of your work.

Writeling

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    I am honored by the six star review. Thank you very much!
Comment from CD Richards
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I found this a very humorous and intriguing little moral tale. I wonder how many of us incorrectly identify our role?

I'm not quite sure how to interpret "the pregnant twilight" - does the twilight hold the promise of more?

Also:

Or is love like the morning--
a brilliant disguise?

What does morning disguise?

These have me more intrigued than anything.

Very, very nice work.

Craig

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much for your time and kind review.

    To answer your question, the phrase 'pregnant twilight' was intended to suggest a sense of promise, anticipation, and maybe foreboding. You weren't the first to be a little confused by it, and it might be something I want to change.

    As for the 'brilliant disguise' line, my thinking was to say it might all be an illusion. But this was a definitely a rushed line intended as a placeholder until I came up with something better. You got me!