Reviews from

Bittersweet Revenge

Viewing comments for Chapter 5 "Eliminating Suspects"
She's back ready for revenge.

9 total reviews 
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Great! He got what he deserved. Every man who rapes a woman should be castrated. There would be a lot fewer crimes against women. They could call it the Harvey Weinstein procedure.

 Comment Written 05-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 05-Jan-2018
    Thank you for such a nice review especially coming from you. I think Lorena Bobbitt had the right idea. There would be a lot less re-victimizing. This killer makes sure they don't do it again, lol. She gets pretty creative in her upcoming killings, I hope you'll stick around and see.
    Thanks again for your wonderful review, take care.
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
Excellent
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Life is full of unexpected events, professionals do their jobs as per plans, results are fateful; for rationality, grave decision has to be taken, expertise shown, crime detection goes on; well done this story. DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 04-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much for such wonderful praise, for the high rating, and for all your support it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Excellent
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How I wish that FS would give us reviewers more sixes to give out I need one now
I don't know how you can keep writing thrilling stories of a woman's revenge (seems toward men)

Gert

 Comment Written 03-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 04-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much for such a sweet review. Knowing you wanted to give me a six-star and all your kind praise is as good as getting one, so thank you.
    Thank you again for all your support, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Superb chapter! You've really captured her anger and desperation. The reader can't blame her for wanting revenge, while at the same time abhors the joy with which she slaughters her prey. Eager to see where this goes.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much for such a fantastic review, it means so much to me. Especially since I'm trying something new, getting into the characters heads make them seem more realistic.
    Thank you again for such a wonderful review and your continuous support, take care.
Comment from Rasmine
Excellent
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Hello,

Good sentence;
If he isn't causing havoc in the trailer, he's out drinking up their income with the town whores.

This may have a typo:
"Yes, but I loved (did you mean love?) him anyhow, I loved him anyhow," she sobs.

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
    Thank you for your great review. I used loved because he's dead although I'm sure she still loves him. Now I'm not sure, thanks for confusing me, lol.
    Thank you again for such a nice review, take care.
Comment from slarson
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

Interesting that the officer is sympathizing with the suspect. I also like how you brought in the killer in the story and how the flashback with what happened to her plays into her rage and the killing she does. The story flows well and I didn't see anything wrong with the writing. Well done

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much for a fantastic review you made my week. Knowing you liked it makes the hard work worthwhile, take care.
Comment from royowen
Excellent
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It seem amazing that someone as meek and mild as the little girl, can be become a crazed killer. Poor old Joe, being w detective he has to ask Judy of her whereabouts when her husband died, but someone who has virtually raised Joe, is incensed when he is trying to eliminate her as a suspect, (I wonder who she is? Well done, blessings, Roy
Typo His mama would scold (him)when

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
    Thank you for your great review and your encouraging words. Sometimes one little thing will set them off. It doesn't have too big either, just the final straw the broke the camels back so to speak. Poor Joe, was heartbroken. He acts mean, but deep inside he's an old softy.
    Thank you again for your great review, take care.
reply by royowen on 02-Jan-2018
    Well done
Comment from apky
Excellent
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You've done a great job with Joe's inner conflict, his tortured thoughts as he contemplates questioning Judy, and how he reacts afterwards.

Brilliant work, girl!

She takes better care of her animals than she does herself. ~ you can write this two ways, Misty:

1) She takes better care of her animals than she does (of) herself.

2) She takes better care of her animals than herself.

I hate to do this too(to) you now but


He tearfully walks towards the car. ~ This is a very emotional info, Misty, so make the reader feel with Joe; let the reader cry with him. Like this:

His eyes suddenly sting and he turns his face heavenward, fighting to stop the wetness from sliding down his cheeks, but in vain. His eyes fill up and the tears course down his cheeks all the same. To hide them from Judy, he rushes towards the car.

See the difference? Show the reader, don't tell them.

How can I possibly believe such a soft-hearted person, who cares for every stray in the city(, could) be capable of such a horrendous crime?

Warmest regards,
Apky

 Comment Written 02-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
    Thank you so much for the encouragement, and for all of your help. Now to work harder on the errors. it isn't one thing it's another, grrr. I've been reading my favorite author like you suggested, the problem is I'm not getting a lot of sleep. The story is so interesting I lose track of time.
    Thank you again for all your help and support they mean the world to me, take care.
reply by apky on 02-Jan-2018
    That must be a great author, to keep you awake like that! Care to share him/her?
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
    James Patterson, he's my favorite of all. Took his master class, which was kool. Now I enter his contest, hoping to win. The winner gets to write a book with him. It'd be one of my dreams come true. I had a couple of dreams about him, no not that kind, dirty minded lady, lol. I dreamed he came to my door asked me to co-author a book with him, another was he showed up at my book signing. If either did happen I'd faint or stand their dumbfounded muttering babytalk.
reply by apky on 02-Jan-2018
    Thanks for letting me know, Misty. I'll keep my fingers (eventoes, if necessary) crossed for you to win that contest and have your dream come true.
Comment from giraffmang
Good
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Hi there,

Emotional instalment here from Joe's feelings of angst and guilt to the ferocity of the attack in the final section.

A few bits & pieces to look at-

Joe pulls up to an old run-down trailer - rundown can be one word.

Judy's been like a second mom to me and now I might have to arrest her? - this didn't strike me as a question, more of a statement.

Not after all she's been through after all she's done for me - insert a comma after through.

Judy steps out of the trailer her arms loaded down - insert a comma after trailer.

she wipes tears from her mascara-streaked face. - She.

"Judy, I hate to do this too you now - to.

"Not that I'm aware of."She sniffles.- spacing here.

but I figured it's one of his girlfriend's - girlfriends.

"I dropped mine because money is a little tight." She says - she.

Halfway up lard ass, Bernie stumbles out the door. - move the comma to after up.

"Hey pretty lady, do you want to have some fun," - should probably have a question mark in here.

"No, please, don't" she cries- need punctuation before the closing speech marks.

"What are you doing?" A deep voice asks - a.

Grabbing ahold of his pecker - a hold (ahold isn't a word).


 Comment Written 02-Jan-2018


reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
    Thank you for your fair helpful review. It looks like I should've done a lot more editing.
    Thank you again for all your help take care.