Perfect Attendance
Some people go the extra mile.4 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
good little piece here. Not surprised Jacob legged it...
The night shift supervisor - you could say nightshift here.
You start this piece off in third person but it shifts straight away to first person - assuming Jerry is the narrator and becomes I here as he's not mentioned again.
Jacob begins to frown. "Old, Tommy?" - you don't need the comma in the dialogue.
The security camera's have picked - cameras here is just a plural so no apostrophe needed.
You don't have to worry about, Tommy - no need for the comma here.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Hi there,
good little piece here. Not surprised Jacob legged it...
The night shift supervisor - you could say nightshift here.
You start this piece off in third person but it shifts straight away to first person - assuming Jerry is the narrator and becomes I here as he's not mentioned again.
Jacob begins to frown. "Old, Tommy?" - you don't need the comma in the dialogue.
The security camera's have picked - cameras here is just a plural so no apostrophe needed.
You don't have to worry about, Tommy - no need for the comma here.
Comment Written 02-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Many thanks for stopping by to read and helping with this story. It's good to hear from you.
Have a great day and a blessed New Year!
mike
Comment from apky
Well, this was certainly ghoulish, with some humour
thrown in for good measure. I thoroughly enjoyed the
story. The only thing is, I have a feeling there is something
I missed out on. Probably Tommy!
All I see (is) the back side of Jacob running out the front door.
Blessed New Year to you too,
Apky
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Well, this was certainly ghoulish, with some humour
thrown in for good measure. I thoroughly enjoyed the
story. The only thing is, I have a feeling there is something
I missed out on. Probably Tommy!
All I see (is) the back side of Jacob running out the front door.
Blessed New Year to you too,
Apky
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Many thanks for the awesome review and kind words for this little bit of mayhem. I don't believe in ghosts but they are a lot of fun to write about.
Have a great day and a Blessed New Year!
mike
Comment from Ken the Carpenter
life does go on, if we think we understand it all we are quite confused, nature has been around to the eternal our jobs are all very short term enjoy the infinite moment. thanks for the story, enjoyable.
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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life does go on, if we think we understand it all we are quite confused, nature has been around to the eternal our jobs are all very short term enjoy the infinite moment. thanks for the story, enjoyable.
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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Many thanks for the awesome review and kind words for this little bit of mayhem. I don't believe in ghosts but they are a lot of fun to write about.
Have a great day and a Blessed New Year!
mike
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This is a clever write about a ghost who is quite real and how scared we are of them! Never seen a ghost although I have seen miracles! Brilliant write, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
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This is a clever write about a ghost who is quite real and how scared we are of them! Never seen a ghost although I have seen miracles! Brilliant write, love Dolly x
Comment Written 01-Jan-2018
reply by the author on 02-Jan-2018
-
Many thanks for the awesome review and kind words for this little bit of mayhem. I don't believe in ghosts but they are a lot of fun to write about.
Have a great day and a Blessed New Year!
mike
