Therapy patient
A man is overtaken by his sexual desire for his therapist2 total reviews
Comment from apky
An interesting story. BTW you need not have the drastic warning, mentioning that there's sex or sex-related material would have been enough. I do that with my book chapters without any problems.
Secondly, I suggest to decide on whether you leave the thought-processes of the protagonist without any quotes or consistently enclose them in quotes. The only probelm with the latter is that it makes the reader stop reading in order to figure out whether the quotes denote speech or another thought process. I suggest you use italics instead of quotes, for the protagonist's internal dialogue. Otherwise, well done!
muscles on her legs, the lean lines were too much for him. His mind would not stay where it's supposed to...(line space here)
He was still in therapy mode, but his mind continued to accept the carnality of the situation. "How tight could those legs wrap around me... I wish she let me rub those feet..." (line space here)
for let(ting) his tongue inch (up) her legs, from her delicious-looking toes to her ankles, her knees, her thighs...
"Boy, I could use some cold water right about now..." he thought quickly and his eyes darted across the floor. ~ Up until now, you've not put open and close quotes in the protagonist's thoughts. My suggestion would be that you put all thoughts in italics. That way the reader will not hesitate while reading, in order to work out whether the quote marks were speech or thoughts.
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2017
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An interesting story. BTW you need not have the drastic warning, mentioning that there's sex or sex-related material would have been enough. I do that with my book chapters without any problems.
Secondly, I suggest to decide on whether you leave the thought-processes of the protagonist without any quotes or consistently enclose them in quotes. The only probelm with the latter is that it makes the reader stop reading in order to figure out whether the quotes denote speech or another thought process. I suggest you use italics instead of quotes, for the protagonist's internal dialogue. Otherwise, well done!
muscles on her legs, the lean lines were too much for him. His mind would not stay where it's supposed to...(line space here)
He was still in therapy mode, but his mind continued to accept the carnality of the situation. "How tight could those legs wrap around me... I wish she let me rub those feet..." (line space here)
for let(ting) his tongue inch (up) her legs, from her delicious-looking toes to her ankles, her knees, her thighs...
"Boy, I could use some cold water right about now..." he thought quickly and his eyes darted across the floor. ~ Up until now, you've not put open and close quotes in the protagonist's thoughts. My suggestion would be that you put all thoughts in italics. That way the reader will not hesitate while reading, in order to work out whether the quote marks were speech or thoughts.
Comment Written 25-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2017
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I had to differentiate between thoughts, words said out loud, and more background thoughts, not dialogue, just background ideas floating around... I tried.
Comment from kiwigirl2821
Hello Sammy. I read every word and wanted to know what happens by the end and it was time to go. To me that is the making of a good story with characters that are believable and come across as true. I wouldn't of thought that many people men think of feet as a fetish however, I've recently been seeing more and more evidence of this. Intriguing! Good luck. xoxo Kiwi
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2017
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Hello Sammy. I read every word and wanted to know what happens by the end and it was time to go. To me that is the making of a good story with characters that are believable and come across as true. I wouldn't of thought that many people men think of feet as a fetish however, I've recently been seeing more and more evidence of this. Intriguing! Good luck. xoxo Kiwi
Comment Written 25-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 25-Dec-2017
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There is a link to part 2!!! THanks! Glad you liked :P
