This Darkened Room-Sonnet
I lost my wife of many years in June39 total reviews
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This is an awesome and well written poem describing loss. You paint a picture for the reader of the progression of the times in your life up until your loss. Although very sad, I like the message of this that you brought forth so superbly. Although I can sense your great loss, I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing this very personal part of your life with us. I'm truly sorry for your loss. This poem is worthy of the awards received. Very well done Jaybird1!
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This is an awesome and well written poem describing loss. You paint a picture for the reader of the progression of the times in your life up until your loss. Although very sad, I like the message of this that you brought forth so superbly. Although I can sense your great loss, I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing this very personal part of your life with us. I'm truly sorry for your loss. This poem is worthy of the awards received. Very well done Jaybird1!
Comment Written 02-Apr-2018
Comment from Harry Smith
Beautifully written is this poem with lots of imagery. I really like the poets writing, I enjoyed the read and will be returning to read more. Have a great Easter.
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Beautifully written is this poem with lots of imagery. I really like the poets writing, I enjoyed the read and will be returning to read more. Have a great Easter.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
Comment from jdrhye
It's a very telling poem of grief and loss but also of love and shared life. It is not a dark poem but one of retrospect. It's beautifully written. The flow and rhythm are good.
J
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It's a very telling poem of grief and loss but also of love and shared life. It is not a dark poem but one of retrospect. It's beautifully written. The flow and rhythm are good.
J
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Jaybird;
-you define and the mass completely describes so vividly the metaphor and straight imagery of your loss, but not of his love, just his presence and touch.
-For what I found very strongly in your rebuttal verse or third verse was a strong sense of hope and a lovely calmness that comes from thinking of your love.
-Technically this sonnet was written in perfect iambic pentameter. Each rhyming word was contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the reading and understanding of the conceptual theme very easy.
-I like it when people don't use pictures for their sonnet as one page their own picture projected vividly and beautifully.
-Thank you for sharing this, Jaybird, and take care and have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
Alex
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Cheers, Jaybird;
-you define and the mass completely describes so vividly the metaphor and straight imagery of your loss, but not of his love, just his presence and touch.
-For what I found very strongly in your rebuttal verse or third verse was a strong sense of hope and a lovely calmness that comes from thinking of your love.
-Technically this sonnet was written in perfect iambic pentameter. Each rhyming word was contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each line therefore making the reading and understanding of the conceptual theme very easy.
-I like it when people don't use pictures for their sonnet as one page their own picture projected vividly and beautifully.
-Thank you for sharing this, Jaybird, and take care and have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
Alex
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
Comment from Dorothy Farrell
First, Jaybird, I must say how sorry to hear you lost your wife recently - I give my condolences. Your sonnet is a lovely tribute to her. Good pentameter throughout until line 'Life's trials and sorrows raised it's troubled head,' - you have eleven syllables here which upsets the pentameter. Perhaps something like 'Life with its sorrows raised its troubled head'. Just a suggestion on a lovely sonnet. The rhyme is very good and you have a fine turn in the third stanza. Good final couplet - would 'Till' replacing 'As' sound better perhaps. Well done with lovely sentiment. Good Luck to you. Warm regards Dorothy
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First, Jaybird, I must say how sorry to hear you lost your wife recently - I give my condolences. Your sonnet is a lovely tribute to her. Good pentameter throughout until line 'Life's trials and sorrows raised it's troubled head,' - you have eleven syllables here which upsets the pentameter. Perhaps something like 'Life with its sorrows raised its troubled head'. Just a suggestion on a lovely sonnet. The rhyme is very good and you have a fine turn in the third stanza. Good final couplet - would 'Till' replacing 'As' sound better perhaps. Well done with lovely sentiment. Good Luck to you. Warm regards Dorothy
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
Comment from Angela Post
I'm sorry for your loss. There is a lot of emotion in this poem and joy as well as grief. You have packed a lot into a few short lines. I think every marriage has conflict and joyful times and you have reflected this well. It is a touching poem.
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I'm sorry for your loss. There is a lot of emotion in this poem and joy as well as grief. You have packed a lot into a few short lines. I think every marriage has conflict and joyful times and you have reflected this well. It is a touching poem.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
Comment from Pantygynt
The unusual nature of a sonnet to a darkened room caught and held my imagination for this sonnet's duration. It develops in the classic manner. The reason for the darkened room is declared in the first quatrain and, as a result a mood of sadness is established. The second stanza feeds on this mood pointing out that:
"Life's trials and sorrows raised it's troubled head," (Actually these sentence requires some grammatical revision. The subject is not the singular "life" it is the plural "trials and sorrows" that fills that role so a plural verb form is required. But that results in a certain clumsiness it seems to me. You could retain the singular verb form however by writing, "Life's tribulation raised it's troubled head,")
The third quatrain is a volta that begins to look on the bright side, evoking happier memories of milestone events that have taken place here. While in the couplet the poet is resigned to contiunue as est he can for the short time remaining to him.
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The unusual nature of a sonnet to a darkened room caught and held my imagination for this sonnet's duration. It develops in the classic manner. The reason for the darkened room is declared in the first quatrain and, as a result a mood of sadness is established. The second stanza feeds on this mood pointing out that:
"Life's trials and sorrows raised it's troubled head," (Actually these sentence requires some grammatical revision. The subject is not the singular "life" it is the plural "trials and sorrows" that fills that role so a plural verb form is required. But that results in a certain clumsiness it seems to me. You could retain the singular verb form however by writing, "Life's tribulation raised it's troubled head,")
The third quatrain is a volta that begins to look on the bright side, evoking happier memories of milestone events that have taken place here. While in the couplet the poet is resigned to contiunue as est he can for the short time remaining to him.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
Comment from Writeling
This has such a pleasing rhyming pattern, which helps the sad narrative flow to its conclusion. I admire:
'As somehow, somewhere soon, I'm on my way.'
With best wishes, Writeling
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This has such a pleasing rhyming pattern, which helps the sad narrative flow to its conclusion. I admire:
'As somehow, somewhere soon, I'm on my way.'
With best wishes, Writeling
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
I am so sorry for your loss. I could feel your emotion through your beautiful tribute poem. Writing seems to help me with my grief, and I have a feeling that's true for you too. Lovely rhyming pattern. Thank you for sharing your work.
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I am so sorry for your loss. I could feel your emotion through your beautiful tribute poem. Writing seems to help me with my grief, and I have a feeling that's true for you too. Lovely rhyming pattern. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
Comment from karenina
God bless your living, loving soul. You honor both the sonnet form and your bride of many years with a heartfelt eloquence that not only pulled at my heartstrings, but summoned angels unseen to fly this to heaven and place it in your beloved's arms.....
Karenina
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God bless your living, loving soul. You honor both the sonnet form and your bride of many years with a heartfelt eloquence that not only pulled at my heartstrings, but summoned angels unseen to fly this to heaven and place it in your beloved's arms.....
Karenina
Comment Written 31-Mar-2018
