"The Gift of Life II"
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "The Gifting Angel"Poems and interesting facts on this much needed su
7 total reviews
Comment from BOO ghost
greetings doctor Ricky. Lot to digest here... BOO's favorite words: "She would go to Atlantic City with her two friends Bev and Lenny and gamble away our income?"
"She then would complain to My poor dad that he never made enough money!"
"Causing him to eventually have three nervous breakdowns!"
"Caused from the exhaustion as well as working 17-hour days...
"Six nights a week...
"In the Summer Months...
that tickled my fancy. had a navy buddy named Lenny.
BOO!
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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greetings doctor Ricky. Lot to digest here... BOO's favorite words: "She would go to Atlantic City with her two friends Bev and Lenny and gamble away our income?"
"She then would complain to My poor dad that he never made enough money!"
"Causing him to eventually have three nervous breakdowns!"
"Caused from the exhaustion as well as working 17-hour days...
"Six nights a week...
"In the Summer Months...
that tickled my fancy. had a navy buddy named Lenny.
BOO!
Comment Written 20-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2017
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Thanks boo
My dad, Edward, was a 26-yard able Chief I'm sure he had plenty of Lennys also.
Dr Ricky 1024
Comment from Rebekah Lew
kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thanks for your fine review Rebecca but there will not be any corrections there will not be any need for improvements here as it is already perfect it's a piece of that my family and is written in my own unique and beautiful style for my mind heart and soul which is very well recognized hear that is why they call me the the preacher on this site preaching the choir here at fanstorycom you are also one of my members so I want to thank you for this and now I will review one of your pieces and see if it also needs Improvement thank you dr. Ricky 1024
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It's not at all perfect, and I review on the assumption that people want to improve as writers. It's almost unreadable.
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Thanks for becoming my fan, but i like to keep things out in the open, so I'll speak here. I actually started my writing journey at FS and was number one poet, prose and reviewer at one stage. I got more serious about my writing and Fanstory can only take you so far. I do however write semi-professionally now, and have a script with a producer as we speak. I'm working one on one with him and I do a lot of work freelancing for magazines, just to put you straight on the fact that you don't think I can review because I haven't posted anything. You are like a lot of people on FS, you think you're writing is good when it isn't. It's quite appalling actually, but have a nice Christmas, I am a great believer in Yeshua. And what exactly are you a doctor of??
Comment from gene_ink
Hi Ricky 1024. You may feel like you walked into an editorial windmill from the following. Don't fret I am a obsessive compulsive but experienced editor who has been known to pick fly crap out of pepper. But I have your work at heart with the following comments. Take what you need.
Gene
-was [remove article from either basically or happy
- in[remove return] Ship [Also, do you think the commas in this sentence are appropriate?
-as well [either (?)my opinion.]
"And, [remove comma that does not seem to serve a purpose. her cruel brother... "Step brother Jack Dillion whom raped her in the basement as a six, year, old, child...
-student[,] more
-"Opps!" [sp]
they then [remove both for a smoother sentence.]
-"Now, as a student, education wasn't my priority?[not a question][add comma or semi-colon and link People were!"]
"As I [remove 'further' which is implied in 'progressed'[remove ,] progressed with My Life[remove ,] I [remove 'soon'] would come to realize that I had other gifts?"
-young [remove 'as well as'[ [remove quotations and capital 'M' from '"Mental'...my preference would be to use 'intellectually challenged']
-2003 [There are two incidents when the elipses ... is used: 1. To indicate a pause in dialogue such as "hold the door...ok, then don't hold it open." 2. to indicate that some information has been left out The speech was long but to sum it up it went something like this "...keep off the grass during the growing season...and ensure you keep to the sidewalks..." The first ellipses indicates that the speech quoted is a continuation of something already said, the ellipses in the middle of the quote indicates that information has been omitted, and the last show that the speech continued. They are only used in dialogue. You would use dashes for writing that is not part of dialogue: Soldiers marched on the gravel road--an explosion caused them to take cover.
Clear as mud, right?
-"On March 31st, 2003 I was a passenger in
-he himself [Two pronouns not required here, remove the reflexive 'himself'.]
-And[remove comma after 'and. If a comma is needed with 'and' it would precede not follow. Other places in your submission, as well.] was going
"Which so happened...
"To be Me!"
-Violently... That I suffered from a Deep Coma as well as a Serious Brain [non of these words are capitalized.]
-"The oxygen dissipated within a 17 hour period so My Brain Died?" [Try my opinion. In 17 hours my brain was dead due to oxygen deprivation.]
-"And, I would become more or less...
"A Cabbage in A Vegetative State of Being." [One sentence less capitals: "I had become more or less a cabbage in a vegetative state.]
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Hi Ricky 1024. You may feel like you walked into an editorial windmill from the following. Don't fret I am a obsessive compulsive but experienced editor who has been known to pick fly crap out of pepper. But I have your work at heart with the following comments. Take what you need.
Gene
-was [remove article from either basically or happy
- in[remove return] Ship [Also, do you think the commas in this sentence are appropriate?
-as well [either (?)my opinion.]
"And, [remove comma that does not seem to serve a purpose. her cruel brother... "Step brother Jack Dillion whom raped her in the basement as a six, year, old, child...
-student[,] more
-"Opps!" [sp]
they then [remove both for a smoother sentence.]
-"Now, as a student, education wasn't my priority?[not a question][add comma or semi-colon and link People were!"]
"As I [remove 'further' which is implied in 'progressed'[remove ,] progressed with My Life[remove ,] I [remove 'soon'] would come to realize that I had other gifts?"
-young [remove 'as well as'[ [remove quotations and capital 'M' from '"Mental'...my preference would be to use 'intellectually challenged']
-2003 [There are two incidents when the elipses ... is used: 1. To indicate a pause in dialogue such as "hold the door...ok, then don't hold it open." 2. to indicate that some information has been left out The speech was long but to sum it up it went something like this "...keep off the grass during the growing season...and ensure you keep to the sidewalks..." The first ellipses indicates that the speech quoted is a continuation of something already said, the ellipses in the middle of the quote indicates that information has been omitted, and the last show that the speech continued. They are only used in dialogue. You would use dashes for writing that is not part of dialogue: Soldiers marched on the gravel road--an explosion caused them to take cover.
Clear as mud, right?
-"On March 31st, 2003 I was a passenger in
-he himself [Two pronouns not required here, remove the reflexive 'himself'.]
-And[remove comma after 'and. If a comma is needed with 'and' it would precede not follow. Other places in your submission, as well.] was going
"Which so happened...
"To be Me!"
-Violently... That I suffered from a Deep Coma as well as a Serious Brain [non of these words are capitalized.]
-"The oxygen dissipated within a 17 hour period so My Brain Died?" [Try my opinion. In 17 hours my brain was dead due to oxygen deprivation.]
-"And, I would become more or less...
"A Cabbage in A Vegetative State of Being." [One sentence less capitals: "I had become more or less a cabbage in a vegetative state.]
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thanks, I think?
24.
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That represents a m orning of review. Do you have questions?
Gene
Comment from Barb Hensongispsaca
OH I love it and the point of view from his sight. Feelings and emotions and yet the understanding of what happened. Giving away to the world...yes
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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OH I love it and the point of view from his sight. Feelings and emotions and yet the understanding of what happened. Giving away to the world...yes
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thanks again Barb.
This is one of my...
"🎄Most Touching Works...
Ricky...
Comment from Mystic Angel 7777
Another lovely remembrance of a most cherished boy. I had forgotten about the organ donations made and think it fitting as he not only lives above in the glory of his freed spirit - but yet remains on earth in the many lives which were bettered by his passing. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Another lovely remembrance of a most cherished boy. I had forgotten about the organ donations made and think it fitting as he not only lives above in the glory of his freed spirit - but yet remains on earth in the many lives which were bettered by his passing. Nicely done and thank you very much for sharing it.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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And, thank you too....
Mystic Angel...
Forever and ever yours...
Dr.Ricky...
Comment from apky
Thank you so much for telling us your story, dear Jason.
What a sad story it is, but in its sadness also some joy in life
and in assisting others wherever you could and however you could.
"I enjoyed the "Auto Mechanic's Class," and was even using a welder and helping other young teenage men ripped down cars and rebuild them!"
"And, it got to the point that My dad figured I might want to make a career of it?"
"So, he was making arrangements for the following year when I would have graduated High School to start "Brookdale Community College" in New Jersey."
"But you see, none of that was meant to be?"
...
"On March 31st, 2003...
"I was a passenger in a car driven by a young as well as "Mentally- Ill friend," of mine, Brian Cole."
...
"Now Brian decided that he himself was too depressed to live anymore!"
"And, was going to not only take himself out but anybody else around him!"
"Which so happened...
"To be Me!"
Even Beian Cole will receive forgiveness from the Lord.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thank you so much for telling us your story, dear Jason.
What a sad story it is, but in its sadness also some joy in life
and in assisting others wherever you could and however you could.
"I enjoyed the "Auto Mechanic's Class," and was even using a welder and helping other young teenage men ripped down cars and rebuild them!"
"And, it got to the point that My dad figured I might want to make a career of it?"
"So, he was making arrangements for the following year when I would have graduated High School to start "Brookdale Community College" in New Jersey."
"But you see, none of that was meant to be?"
...
"On March 31st, 2003...
"I was a passenger in a car driven by a young as well as "Mentally- Ill friend," of mine, Brian Cole."
...
"Now Brian decided that he himself was too depressed to live anymore!"
"And, was going to not only take himself out but anybody else around him!"
"Which so happened...
"To be Me!"
Even Beian Cole will receive forgiveness from the Lord.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Apky'
Precious are few...
From the Gifts thou do...
From Me...
Thanks, Jay....
Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear
This easy-said essay about author's deceased son Jason; bereaved father makes his son's life destined and gracious in thoughts, before and after death, what Gifting Angel; I liked. DR ALCREATOR
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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This easy-said essay about author's deceased son Jason; bereaved father makes his son's life destined and gracious in thoughts, before and after death, what Gifting Angel; I liked. DR ALCREATOR
Comment Written 19-Dec-2017
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2017
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Thanks from me and Jay.
